He say so many mean things to me, but yet i love him! I'vve tried to cater to his every need, and i've told him to do it himself. Nothing works.I want to be treated equal or almost. I want this to work. We're not married, but i do beleive in "for better or worse". Any suggestion would be great. Thank You!
2006-11-07 10:55:43 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How to please him? Just continue being with him. He finds pleasure when you are with him when he has someone to vent and abuse.
2006-11-07 11:04:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has a low self esteem and belittles you to make himself feel good. only it doesn't work ,he feels no better about himself, but he still keeps on. He probably doesn't like something about himself, and to offset this he will try to make himself and everyone around him perfect. It wont work to call out his mistakes because he is trying hard not to make any most of the time. someone was probably hard on him when he was growing up, similar to the same way he is now. If he isn't under a lot of stress then I would guess he would be everything you want in a man and more. The same amount of stress for someone without this problem that is tolerable for them can totally devastate your man. If you leave he may become violent and do harm to you. But it is not good for your health to stay either. If you continue to be nice to him when staying with him this will help the situation.
2006-11-07 19:25:47 · answer #2 · answered by WOODSMAN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is he wont change - I was with the same kind of man and made the huge mistake of marrying him - tried everyway to make him happy until I finally I became depressed - now I realize no matter what I do will make him cherish me as I want - You may love him but this isnt how a man who really loves you would treat you - beleive you are a wonderfull and unique woman who deserves more - ask yourself if a man was treating your own daughter like this would you tell her to stay? Love yourself and know you deserve better - listen to your heart
2006-11-07 19:11:29 · answer #3 · answered by Daes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the exact same postion as you. I don't know what to do either. My husband has been drinking for years and been arested so many times and I thought the last time was the last time but he's starting again. It's not as bad but he is and he is so unsupportive, and mean sometimes but he says he loves me. I've never seen a man who could hurt his wife so freely and easily but yet still say he loves her. Is that love?? I know it would kill him if I left and it kills me to even think about leaving him. I love him, I shouldn't but I do. You are in a easier situation though. I have two children also. I have to think about them and thats not easy either. I could leave and be happy but then I would have to live without them some days and I just couldn't do it. Which is more important, my happiness or my kids? I don't know what to do either, and I'm sure your feeling the same way. How long have you two been together?? I could say just leave the jerk, find someone better, but I know it's not that easy. If you would like to talk more you can always email me. I know how you feel.
2006-11-07 21:11:05 · answer #4 · answered by Amber W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WAKE UP!!! Been there and done that. If you can continue in a relationship like this, you will end up lonely and with no self esteem or self worth. My ex was the SAME exact way. Being treated like such took me forever to know that I am a good person and deserved to be treated better-just as you do. Do you find yourself cringing when you hear a door shut a certain way (or whatever), just knowing its him coming to argue, belittle you? Do you treat him that way? If you don't, why put up with it?? It will take you a while to realize that you deserve far better. Great men are out there-who love you and are thankful just to be with you. I found mine (Thank you God!) and yours is waiting to be found.
2006-11-07 19:05:54 · answer #5 · answered by ba374 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people that have very low self esteem act this way. Acting out this way means that he is not sure of himself and he has to control you to gain his self confidence. It makes him feel better about himself. My guesses are he thinks he is perfect and braggs alot about himself. He needs constant reminding from you that he is great and smart that you'll never leave him. He be-little's other people for their faults. He talks about his friends behind thier backs. If he can't have something, he puts it down? He might also try and make you think you are nothing without him so that you won't leave him. All of this is low self esteem and if he is acting this way he needs to get counseling for it. But the thing is...when you tell someone like this that they have low self esteem...they will not admit to it nor will they get help. It might help if you encourage him, tell him when he does good...but gently tell him when he does something wrong too. His feelings are really very fragile...he just has to put up this fierce front to try and make you think otherwise. Good luck with this.
2006-11-07 19:05:52 · answer #6 · answered by sugarbud 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For better or for worse is only if you're married, which u are not. The commitment level is not that of a marriage.
My question to u is y do u take this mess? What do u love about him? He sounds like an a s s .
U should think better of yourself and go out and get someone who treasures u. U know that's what u really want and deserve anyway.
Lose the loser honey.
2006-11-07 19:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can't, you never will. I was in the same type of relationship almost two years ago, and it went on for a long time. I finally realized that I deserve better and wasn't willing to put up with someone who treated me like crap for the rest of my life. I wasn't willing to compromise myself for that, and you shouldn't either. no matter what you do or who you try to be, it will NEVER be good enough for him. he is using you, and you are there to his every beck and call to be his toy whenever he wants. I really do hope that you will realize there are WAY better MEN out there who will treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. I am happy to say that I am in a great relationship with a man who loves me very much and I never thought I would be this happy in an honest, trusting, loving, fun relationship. Good luck to you and god bless! Learn to love yourself, or no one will sweetie.
2006-11-07 19:55:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I can tell you there isn't much I can't handle and this would be one that I would have a hard time with. I can tell you what you can do and I will also tell you that I ma engaged and I to love this women but we have hit some hard time and here is what we did and it is working for us good luck. coupling counselling or marriage counselling the same but then if he doesn't do this then you need to know is it really worth it.
2006-11-07 19:06:54 · answer #9 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He only does as much as he can get away with. "I love him" is not an excuse to allow someone to walk over you. Some people will not change, and WILL exploit every dent in your self-respect and self-esteem they can find. If you patch up the dents, and they have nothing to exploit, the relationship will probably fall apart because it was based on the wrong premise to begin with. Love *yoursef* first, and you will NEVER be able to "love" someone who is disrespectful to you.
2006-11-07 19:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Brenda: Be careful, this man will never change. I can only tell you to GO TO GOOD BOOK STORE AND FIND THE BOOK " NASTY MEN " By Jay Carter. You will learn all you need "To Stop being Hurt Without Stooping to His level" The book is only $10.00 dollars and will save you 10,000 headaches in your future life. It is published by Contemporary Books "CB"
From:
Curious
2006-11-07 19:23:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋