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Im pregnant and my fiance left me, he now decides after months he wants involved in the child's life. ONLY because he has to pay child support, I guess he wants he pound of flesh in return. I can survive without his money even though it will be about £400 a month, but Im sure I would not see him for dust if I said your free to go and live elsewhere and I promise not to claim a penny? What is best in the long run? I personally would be glad if I never saw him or his emotional mind games again. So I think not to claim, for my own sanity, but my Mum's says why should the child suffer financially because his a twit.

2006-11-07 10:30:11 · 23 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

thank you so far for your all your advice, it's really making me think!

2006-11-07 11:05:45 · update #1

23 answers

You mum is right

2006-11-07 10:32:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

That's a tough situation. I don't think it would be a good idea for your ex to be in contact with the child. He left you in your condition. It sounds obvious that his heart isn't into helping you raise this child. If you can survive without the child support, I'd say do it.

I'm a product of divorce and there is nothing more devastating than seeing a father who doesn't really care, but is obligated to take some financial responsibility. I'm in my 30s now and feel that I didn't miss out by being raised by a single mom.

2006-11-07 18:45:42 · answer #2 · answered by Mimi 5 · 0 0

well your mother is right. you may not need his money now but what if a few months down the road you are not able to work and then you will wish that you had this money. trust me. if you don't need the money open an account in your child's name and put it in there. so this way the child will have it. also, you may feel that the only reason he wants to see the child is because he has to pay child support. and that may be true. but, that would not be fair to the kid now or in the future. think of it this way, if you were to say to heck with the child support, and this guy is free to go. your child gets older and wants to see his father. do you think his dad is going to take the blame for the two of them not seeing each other? no, he wont he will blame you. and regardless of what your explanation is, you will be the one looking guilty. so, take the money, put it in an account and let him see his kid. you can always make it so that he can only see the kid with you there.

2006-11-07 18:43:18 · answer #3 · answered by here to help 4 · 0 0

The child wont know it has suffered financially. He will probably never be seen again if he doesnt have to pay child support. If you do ever need to be supported financially, make a child support claim then. If he is just being spiteful towards you, ask him to put the money straight into a 'trust' that your child can access when he/she turns 18. But i never saw my dad and he didnt pay child support. I feel if he had gotten to know me he may have even loved me and wanted me in his life. i feel very rejected and dont know why he never cared. If your child doesnt see the father, they may feel like this.

2006-11-07 21:27:25 · answer #4 · answered by Melbel of the 7 seas 1 · 0 0

For better or worse this is the father's child too. Your child is 50% his and the right thing to do would be to let the child have a father. However, make sure you do not invest in the father emotionally! You now have a business relationship, not personal. The business of raising the child. He has no right to discuss anything but visitation and medical issues with you. You do not owe him any explanations. Hang in there and enjoy your new baby!

2006-11-07 18:39:33 · answer #5 · answered by mariasonawire 6 · 0 0

HELLO,
WELL I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS......IT IS AN OBLIGATION AS A FATHER TO PAY SOME SORT OF SUPPORT TO THE CHILD....THE CHILD DIDN'T ASK TO BE HERE...SO WHY SHOULD YOU BE THE SOLE SUPPORTER OF THE CHILD.....MY OLDEST FATHER DIDN'T SEE HER FOR THE FIRST 3 YEARS OF HER LIFE....BUT YOUR NOT THE ONE MISSING OUT ON EVERY THING HE IS....I WOULD TAKE THE MONEY AND KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT....WHO CARES IF HE COMES TO SEE THE BABY......YOU DON'T NEED HIM THERE ARE PLENTY OF MEN THAT WOULD OWN UP TO THE RESPONSIBILTY OF THAT CHILD AND NOT GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT......I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.....BUT LEAVE IT THE WAY IT IS....IF HE WAS BIG ENOUGH TO LAY DOWN WITH YOU TO MAKE THE BABY THEN YOU NEED TO GET EVERY RED CENT THAT IS OWED TO YOU AND YOUR CHILD.....BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE THE BABY THAT IS HIS......... HE WILL GROW UP AND SEE WHAT HE HAS MISSED IN HIS CHILDS LIFE........THATS NOT YOUR FAULT....BUT I WOULD TAKE EVERY THING THAT HE HAS AND BE HAPPY WITH IT....BECAUSE THAT SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET HIM OR ANY MAN TO FEEL THE PAIN OF CHILD BIRTH.....AND HIM NOT BEING THERE JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH OF A COWARD THAT HE IS AND MAY BE THE NEXT GIRL WON'T BE AS LEANIENT AS YOU ARE WITH HIM.....GOOD LUCK IN WHAT EVER YOU DECIDE......

2006-11-07 19:05:41 · answer #6 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0 0

I'm a dad, now painfully separated from the my kids, who live with their mum.

So, although my situation is quite different (we lived together for 7 years) - it kind of hurts me to have to say this, but I think you should cut off from this guy, completely.

There's a couple of legal issues involved - and you need proper advice on them...

One is whether you will actually be entitled to or able to enforce the payment of any CS from him - and indeed whether you can refuse to accept it if you are on benefits. The CSA after all was never set up in order to protect women or children but was originally an effort by the Thatcher government to reduce benefit payments. Nobody knows what is going to replace the incompetant CSA - but you can be sure it won't be acting in your interests.

The other is how traceable he will be if/when your child wants to contact him.

But if this man is not really interested in you or your baby, it's better to consign him to history.

If you are fortunate enough to meet a caring man, your child may still have a dad. And if/when they get curious about their real father, then that is their journey, and the law (if unchanged) will support them in their search.

Good luck! I hope the miracle of having kids is as wonderful for you as it has been for me.

2006-11-07 18:36:58 · answer #7 · answered by George D 4 · 0 0

Make him pay, why shouldn't he the child is his and hes responsible for its welfare. Just because he has to cough up child support doesn't mean he has any automatic right to see the child, besides you mentined mind games, if he gives you trouble the courts will sort him out. Paying maintenance and being involved with a childs up-bringing dont go hand in hand.

2006-11-07 19:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by thecoldvoiceofreason 6 · 0 0

Try to see things from your child's point of view. You may hate your ex - with very good reason - but your child has an absolute right to see his/her Dad, and to know that he has supported him or her.

So personally, I would put aside your personal feelings, accept the money (it's not yours, after all, it's your baby's) and come to terms with the fact that the "twit" is going to have to be a part of your life.

Good luck, though, it's tough.

2006-11-07 18:34:41 · answer #9 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 0 0

My kids adore their dad and this is always at the front of my mind. He continually tells me that when they are old enough they will want to live with him, and all I can do is behave like an adult and do the right thing by my kids. I hope when they are older that they will respect me for doing this, as it would be so much easier for me to bundle them up and move hundreds of miles away so they couldn't see him as often. I don't ever want them to think I deprived them of their dad, so I carry on telling them how much he loves them and do my best not to criticise him in any way. My mum is very good at letting me have a good rant about how awful my ex is and the stunts he pulls and it definitely helps!! Good luck and do the right thing for you and yours. Oh yes, my ex doesn't pay a penny for his kids, and due to my circumstances I don't have the fight in me to get what's due for them at the moment - making ends meet every month shows me how I can do it alone.

2006-11-08 08:41:51 · answer #10 · answered by STACEY D 1 · 0 0

even though that's what you may want, you at some point need to put your feelings aside, and think of the future. I felt the same way with my daughter, we split when she was 2 and she is 10 now, things are really bad between me and her dad, really bad, but she loves him and that is her choice, I have never said anything bad to her about her dad, nor has my family. but she is learning that her dad is not what she thought he was, but she is learning that on here own, and that is better for her because she got to decide on her own no one had any neg, influences. so my point is that your child will realize that on they're own and that they will love you for, I know as a new parent you want the best for your unborn child, but you will always have the positive support that they will need growing up. and maybe he will grow up...

2006-11-07 18:43:00 · answer #11 · answered by arvada-girl 1 · 0 0

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