help getting career skills and income to get out of a horrible marriage?

Question

been in a miserable marriage for 10 years.A stay at home mom for 4.want to further my education to be able to take care of children better and leave husband but he is in total control of finances and keeps putting me on hold.I don't have any friends or support other than him. Not looking for hand outs, just need to know where to go, how to start.

Answer 1

From reading your other posts, I'm not sure that your marriage is totally shot. It sounds more like you both are burned out. If you would like to discuss this privatelly, go ahead and click on my profile (I think clicking on my username takes you there) and send me a message. I'd listen. Really there's a lot going on I'm sure and it would be best to hear both sides of the story.
Divorce is not automatically the answer.
I know your burden ain't easy, but then you're not the only woman with 4 kids and a pain in the rear kind of husband out there. Heck, this woman has 16... http://www.duggarfamily.com
granted, her husband may not be as bad, but I bet she doesn't have much of a career outside of homeschooling all her kids.
And things could be a heck of a lot worse. You could be divorced, and have strangers take care of your kids. I personally would think that their father (with few exceptions) would be a better choice to have around than someone doing it for money.
I know the others are jumping to the divorce conclusion, but I question that type of wisdom.
just my 2c.
Oh, and the person who said "Make a decision NOW"... that is the STUPIDEST advice I ever heard.
One of the main rules of making good decisions is NEVER MAKE A DECISION WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED (or very tired, or emotionally not all there).

Answer 2

Darn... Sorry to hear that. I really wish I could help, but I don't quite know what the solution would be. I'd think that to do anything, you'd need to get a job... Any job. But I don't know what the situation is with the kids, how old they are. It's difficult to give advice without knowing your specific circumstances. But there has to be some way for you to start working, a lot of women with kids are in the work force - even single moms. Financial independence would really open up some possibilities. Try to find some kind of a support group or an organization in your area that helps abused women; I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your husband - but if you have no access to the family finances, this in itself is a form of abuse. Your local church may have the resources to provide help or counseling, or at least point you in the right direction.

Answer 3

Well since I am in a similar situation.

I would suggest, Daycare.in your Home.

Its cash and he doesn't have to know how much you earn. have them deposit the money directly in an account with Just your name on it. and have the statement sent to your friends house.

Plus After you leave him you'll already be established and have income.

As far as school goes, the only way to do that is to have your kids in school for full day, and financial aid.

If He won't help then you need to go to Public assistance and do it that way.

And Its no a Hand out
Its a Hand UP!

Do whats right for you and your kids, Make the move now and speak to them at the office.

Don't give out your home phone number, and he'll never know

But make a decision now.

A real choice. Stop waiting and just Do it!

Your not getting any younger so get cracking.

Answer 4

Aww, see, this is why I could never let a guy control finances. I fear being in your position when I'm older.

I think the first thing you need to do is find a job. I'd also have them direct deposit the money into your own checking account WITHOUT his name on the account (just because you're married to him doesn't mean he has to be on your account). Also file for divorce. Do you have family you could stay with for a few months? My mom had me and my 3 other siblings stay at our grandparents for a few months once (this was in 93... our house caught on fire while we were gone for the weekend and was a loss...). Anyhoot, after you get on your feet, you could start taking some night classes and maybe a class during lunch hour.

Answer 5

Go to your local unemployment agency and inquire about the "displaced homemaker program". Also, furthering your education: you can still possibly get student loans to cover your tuition and books. Look into that too. Good luck.

**I'm adding this after the fact:
The post below mine is a very good and insiteful post. He has great advice and seems to be level headed. However, I noticed he mentioned your other posts...I just clicked your profile and checked to see what other questions you've asked...and there is only one?

Answer 6

It's probably to your advantage to file for divorce now, before you further your education and employment prospects. Let him pay child support, give you the house, and some $ to maintain you current lifestyle. Once the divorce is over, then move ahead with improving your earning potential. Hire a good divorce lawyer and have the husband pay the legal fees. Right now, you've got nothing, so you've got nothing to lose.

Answer 7

I think my first goal right now would be to go back to work, so you have your own income coming in first.

If your husband handles the money, he doesn't have to handle your's if your working.

It may take awhile for you to save enough to get out. But it sounds like it's what you need.

Once you get out from under his roof, you have have different places that could help you with houseing, jobs, school.

You have to beable to stand on your own and be ready to do so once you have allowed another to control you, and this is what you have allowed.

Good luck standing up on your own 2 feet. It's possible and it can be done!!!

Answer 8

sturdy grief thats an severe view. you need to take a relax pill. Marriage immediately isnt what's replaced into in biblical cases, the place a guy replaced into required to marry his brothers widow. Slaves have been concubines, adult men observed ladies as property. adult men had 2nd better halves to supply infants or a slave to supply infants, on an analogous time as nevertheless married to the 1st one. Pre marital intercourse is rampant, yet many cases your fornication is essentially love between 2 human beings. issues take place, plus what are you going to do, take on a regular basis semen swatches from each and every female interior the worldwide???

Answer 9

try contacting abused women shelters in your area...they should help you get started...failing that, just jump out there, people do it everyday...it may not be comfortable or pleasant for a few years, but in the end, you will be better off than if you had stayed.

I got out of a similar situation a few years back, and it was the best thing that I ever did...even if it has messed up my credit, you can get money easier than you can peace of mind. Good Luck

Answer 10

if you are a Canadian unemployment insurance will allow once in a life time funding for furthering education and re training suggest well your husband is a work you go talk to them. if down in the states loans can be obtained for furtherance of education and in Canada it can be done through the school you wish to attend.