I haven't been the best wife and surely not the best daughter or sister in law. My husband and I are working things out but it means a lot to him that I get along with his family and frankly they hate me. I'm not sure where to start. My separation with my husband has really humbled me because if someone didn't like me in the past I could have cared less. I realize that's not right and that life is too short to be like that. Besides, in the end all we really have is our family nothing else really matters. How do I fix these relationships? I'm very afraid of rejection that is probally one of the reasons I adopted this I don't care attitude in the first place.
2006-11-07 10:00:57 · 8 answers · asked by Dena B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why don't you and your husband invite your in-laws for dinner one night, and then you can apologize and make ammends with them. Swallow your pride and just do it.
2006-11-07 10:04:21 · answer #1 · answered by Leila G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The biggest thing here is not to make this a "all your fault" problem. It sounds like all parties here need to give. Tell your husband that youre willing to meet his family 1/2 way if theyre willing. Dont belittle his family in front of him no matter how much you want too. Meet with his family with an open mind and leave your past feelings at home, but dont let his family get to you either as there will probably be some bridges here to mend. His family must learn to accept you as part of the family too. Best place to start is with with mother in law as she is usually the center of the family and sets the tone for the rest of the family, so if you can win her over the rest will follow. So find out her strengths and weakinesses, likes and dislikes, etc so youre prepared. This may take some time, but take the iniative to start it and it will show youre husband that at least youre willing to change the situation so its not your fault if nothing happens.Good luck
2006-11-07 18:29:18 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I experienced an enormous alienation from my inlaws during my separation as well. For awhile after the reconciliation, I thought if I just explained to them both sides of the problems, they'd understand...WRONG. The best thing to do, is just continue in your relationship, and try to be as understanding as possible. If you have the opportunity, go to his family, away from him, and tell them that you are sorry for hurting them through all of this, and that while you understand their feelings, you hope one day they will forgive you. Explain how important they are to you (even if they aren't), and admit to your own faults. Don't expect them to come around right away. Also explain to them how much your husband means to you. Be very humble in your explanations. And give a sincere apology. After that, just be yourself. They will come around. They will eventually let the anger go, and see that you and your husband really are trying, and they will welcome you again with welcome arms. I'm not sure what you did, but if it's anything like what I did...then have faith...it will be ok. With mine, it took a few months. And a lot of tears with my mother in law. Feel free to email me privately, if you want to talk more about this. Good luck!!
2006-11-07 18:10:02 · answer #3 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are comfortable discussing things with your in laws, then do it on a face to face basis with each one you have a problem with. Find out what it is that they don't like about you and figure out if it is fixable or not. If it is something that isn't fixable agree to compromise or each of you just agree to disagee on that one point and not let it define the rest of your relationship. If you are not good at face to face you might write a letter or email to each one to get the ball rolling. Something like:
Dear So and so:
I know that things between us in the past have not been so good, but I want to try to fix that. I love my husband very much and I know that you do too, and for his sake I would like to see if we can build a better relationship........so on so forth.
Good luck!
2006-11-07 18:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Airlantiss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I would tell you to do is stand tall. When you go around the extended family, they know that you two are trying to work things out,so just act like you have met them for the very first time and you want them to be your friend. Or adleast not hate you.Don't be afraid of rejection, that's part of the real world.When it comes to family, you are right, they are all we have. He will see that you are trying and defend you in the end.good luck...
2006-11-07 18:22:05 · answer #5 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You write that your guilty of some things. By your admissions, that in it self is showing "us" your sorry for whatever.
Try keeping in mind what things it was that you did, that you know caused riff between you and the family members.
Try useing the instances along with any apologies you'd like to make.
Once you apologise, I'm sure you'll feel better and the family may possibly feel it in their hearts when you do apologise.
2006-11-07 18:10:40 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough crowd , put on a happy face and face them head on , they will ether love or hate you , don't let them see you sweat ...
2006-11-07 18:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take small step, show them that you love their son
and they will welcome you back
Good luck
2006-11-07 18:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋