I'd like some feedback about the oedipal aspects of a younger man being attracted to an older woman. If you

Question

are a man and are attracted to older women, (twenty years older)what is that about for you? Or anyone that has thoughts on this.
I asked this question in other categories, but the answers didn't really give me enough. I like the depth that comes from the philosophy category. Thanks

Answer 1

I am 56 and I have dated men 20 years or more younger than myself.

I am told that the reason is because older women are less focused on their self and inspite of their bodies being older they have more confidence in their bodies. Older women know what they want and how to get it.

Older women have more wisdom and less drama in their lives. Older women see the world beyond their own self.

Older woman have not only hit their prime sexually but they have also gone beyond it.
It just gets better.

I have dated enough young men to know that I like to date men in my age group. They know the same history as I do, they know the same music. They have learned lessons in life. They take more time in intimacy. Many older men have told me that they don't have any interest in younger women because they are air heads who are way too focused on their self, their hair, their nails and they want more attention than a man can give.

I think the key is for a man or woman to be happy with themself no matter what age they are. Contentment not resentment.

Answer 2

I'm not sure that there is always an 'oedipal' aspect. A lot of women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s (and even older, in some cases) are still very attractive. There is no reliable scientific evidence for the existence of an oedipal complex, although Freud's theories obviously had a great impact on the field of psychology for a while. There is no good account of why individuals develop the kinds of preferences that they do, but as a man who finds older women attractive (I like women of all ages), I can tell you that in my case it probably does not have much to do with my mother. In my case, I think my attraction to older women is really not very profound. Women of almost any age can simply be beautiful by almost any standards, and to quote an old saying...."Men are dogs"...meaning that we are biologically predisposed to basically hump anything that moves, so an attraction to older women is no great mystery - unless some young guy is ONLY attracted to older women, in which case there is probably some psychological issue waiting to be resolved, and this probably fits into the general category of a fetish. I do not believe that all fetishes are bad, in fact, most are not really a problem at all, but they do indicate some oddity in the psychic structure of the person - probably something unresolved from childhood - but really, there are a lot of unsolved mysteries concernig the origins of preferences and fetishes. In any case, the issues are almost always of a very individual nature.

Answer 3

Oedipus Rex (which is where this complex comes from) was a play by Sophocles. While I have never read it I know a bit about this particular part of the play. In it, he did not know that it was his mother he loved or his father that he killed, which is what the Oedipus complex is about...having sexual feelings towards your parent of the opposite sex and violent feelings toward the parent of the same sex.

Oedipus Complex is being attracted to your mother or father at a young age....not just older women or men. Apparently this is more of a problem for young boys than young girls. However, I don't know if its really true or not....hopefully kids don't feel that way towards a parent.

Answer 4

Freud's theory of the Oedipus complex arises out of a very specific set of circumstances in late 19th century Vienna, to do with the power structure of the patriarchy, middle class sexual repression, and the cultural mood which insisted young men gain sexual experience, but not with women in their peer group.

Mores around sexual experience have changed, and peer relationships are now considered appropriate, hence the pathologising of relationships across age differences of a decade or more. As many people in many articles have pointed out, it's not seen as pathological when Bruce Willis or Al Pacino plays a character with a girlfriend or love interest 2 decades their junior, but it is seen as inappropriate for an older woman to be attracted to a younger man.

Nicole Holofcener's film Lovely and Amazing examines this story, including a wonderful parody of an Oedipal moment in which the older woman (played by Catherine Keener) realises that she has the same housecoat as the mother of the younger man (played by Jake Gyllenhaal). Yet when Jake's sister Maggie played the love interest of an older man, played by James Spader, in Secretary, no-one really mentioned their ages.

If sexual desire could be explained by a single theory, psychoanalysts, psychologists and poets would be out of business. Desire is as individual as the person who experiences it, although it is conditioned to some extent by what society considers acceptable (whether by conforming or rebelling). It is possible that some younger men seek quasi-maternal comfort, either because they had good relationships with their mother or deficient ones. It's also possible that the cultural allure of the older, knowing woman (Mrs. Robinson) persists as a powerful stereotype. Or it could be based on individual characteristics relating to how the two people experience their ages, bodies, desires, internal selves, sexualities, etc.

I'm not a younger man in a relationship with an older woman, I should add.

Answer 5

Oedipus was someone who fell in love with his mother. Is this guy treating you the way he would his mother? Are you his maid, chief cook and bottle washer? If you feel more like his mommy than his girlfriend, sounds like you have a guy who has an Oedipal complex. I was married to one like that-RUN!

Answer 6

Oedipus fell in love with his mother I believe. He was jealous of his father's relationship with her (if I remember correctly). A lot of little boys love their mothers so much that they don't want men coming around her, touching her, or kissing her! Neither of my sons like for men to come near me. A boy's mother is the first woman he loves usually.