i'm about 10 weeks pregnant and my bf really want me to have an abortion. i can't so now i've got to tell him. he is not a bad guy, he has a little girl with someone else but his ex won't let him see her. he really misses his daughter. i think he's scaried that i will do the same thing to him. the last time i tried to tell him he got really mad. i'm afraid to tell him.
i would love to hear you advice but please no bible thumpers or pro-lifer i've been traumatized with really disturbing info.
2006-11-07 08:39:35 · 30 answers · asked by nelly78 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
oh we live together
2006-11-07 08:40:04 · update #1
Anyone who would rather kill their own flesh and blood than risk being made unhappy by its life is not worth being with, or siring children.
Get a court order for child support and mail it to him after you pack your things and leave.
2006-11-07 08:43:11 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 4⤊ 7⤋
It sounds like you are having a hard time being heard. If you have someone in your life that you can count on make sure you tell them and have them for support so you can practice what you want to say.
I'm sorry you are scared to tell your boyfriend. It's a big decision and I hope you stick by having the baby if that is what you want. I had a lot of friends abort the baby because their boyfriends didn't want it and they have felt regret ever since. So stick by your decision if it is waht YOU want.
As for telling him, if you are scared for your physical safety talk to him in a public place. And you might want a friend there that will let you have some distance to talk, but help you out if you call them over.
If you are scared, because it's a big decision and you don't want to get in an argument. Have what you want to say worked out in advance and practice it. Know why you want to keep the baby and why you don't want to abort it. Have some reasons ready.
Practice some comments that involves him too like maybe....
This is a baby we made together. That means it's a part of you and me, that is really special, and I couldn't bare to lose it.
Of course use your own words, and from the heart is usually better.
If you know what his arguments will be, have some counter arguments ready.
Some times a guy says it's either me or the baby. Make your decision before going into the argument so you will know what it will be if he tries to give you an ultimatum on the spot.
Make sure you have someone to talk to after the conversation, just so you can vent. Also make sure a couple of people know where you are going and who with if you think something might happen. Have them call and check on you if you haven't called them by a certain time.
Good Luck!!! Stay Strong.
2006-11-07 17:02:27 · answer #2 · answered by lgraup 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
baby just tell him in a letter and leave it in his coat pocket, you'll get the point across and you wont have to face him. Until of course he reads the letter. I guess another way is to have him see this site and your question. Depending on the person he is, it might actually hit him and make him understand. You need to tell him though and let him know that you have no plans of filing for child support, because you believe that he is a good responsible father. Theres always time if he proves you wrong. If your on assistance, when the baby is born, do not put his name on the certificate. Only when you get off do it or if he proves he negligent. Just a little heads up. Or you could send him a text. I hope all goes well for you lady, and try to stay Happy through this pregnancy. The happier you are the happier the baby will be made to be. Good luck and God bless!!
2006-11-07 16:56:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your situation before. The best thing to do is sit him down and tell him they've put a lot of thought into this and you've made the decision to keep the child. Tell him you are firm in this decision and wont be persuaded to change your mind. (stick by that too - if he tries to say "but..." stop him and say that you've made your decision and you understand if he needs time to let it sink in and to decide what he wants to do but your done discussing why or why not to keep the baby). Understand that he is prob scared and confused.. a baby is a big deal financially and emotionally. Give him time to think about it and don't press him to tell you what he wants to do. I wish you luck... When I get pregnant with my son, his biological father and grandmother wanted me to have an abortion.. even convinced me that it was the best but I got to the door of the building for the clinic and turned around. This guy was abusive to boot, so I got home told him I had the abortion and when he left for work the next day I packed my things and my daughter and left. Left a note telling him I was keeping the baby. Haven't regretted that decision for a moment even though we've had our tough times. I've only heard from his bio father once since my sons birth but I told him that I met a wonderful man who has been my sons father since the day he was born and plans on adopting him once we are married. I told him that Caden (my son) will always know that my bf isnt his biological father and that I will never speak bad of his bio father and that if he ever decides to meet him that I will support my son fully. Things happen for reason and you have to make the best of any situation.
Good luck and Take Care! And congrats on your pregnancy!!
Note: Give your reasons for keeping the baby when you talk to him. Tell him this baby was made with love and you feel that you both will make exellant parents. Tell him you know its gonna be hard but you have faith that you both will make it work. Just because he thinks an abortion is the best right now doesnt mean the baby is unwanted it doesnt mean he wont make a great father.. it just means he is scared. If he continues to pressure you about an abortion you will need to consider leaving though.
2006-11-07 16:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would start by telling him that you understand how much it hurts he can't see his daughter. Tell him you are not aborting your baby and the reassure him that he will be able to see this baby and you'll name him on the birth certificate.
This is your baby as much as his----almost more right now because although it was a 50/50 proposition making the baby you have to carry the rest of the load for a while. And don't forget the guy has proof that he knows what causes babies :) LOL
He was there at the beginning, let him know (in advance) that you're glad he'll be there for the delivery.
If he is the good guy you know he is, he'll stand by you and not pressure you to abort this child. If he does start to pressure you talk to someone you can trust to take YOUR side and support you.
My heart goes out to you. Best wishes for a happy pregnancy and easy and safe delivery.
2006-11-07 16:57:09 · answer #5 · answered by bookmom 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Its not too late to have an abortion but you know what if you arne't going to do that which I wouldn't suggest have the baby and tell him you are having it straight out...
What other option do you really have... I understand about him being paranoid that you might do the same thing to him... It is always really bad when someone has a child and the mother acts out of place because it always instills that fear that the next woman that gets pregnant for him will do the same thing...
Let him know you feel and try to reassure him that you won't do anything like that to him... He may not believe you until you have the baby and prove to him you aren't like her but that is just something you will have to deal with in time...
Keep him very involved in your pregnancy.... That may reassure him a little that you are serious and that you don't have any intention on keeping his child from him..
Sorry to hear about your predicament...
2006-11-07 16:51:30 · answer #6 · answered by blakivory 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, you need to tell him soon... He's going to start wondering a few things, why are u getting bigger... why arent you sending me to the store for tampons..so on. How long have you guys been together, maybe you should ask him to marry him, if you feel thats right.. so that way he doesnt think that you will him the baby/child from him. But why is the other mother keeping their child from him... you may want to ask yourself that before you have your child.. or (if) you ask him to marry you. This is very hard for you, and Im very sry that your going through this kind of stress while being prego. If you two really love each other then all will work out in the end, and there are ALWAYS going to be hard times... and this is one of them. BUT YOU NEED TO TELL HIM, about the baby and how you feel...men, young men normanlly do get mad at first. Wait for him to cool down, and he will. MAKE YOUR YOU DO THE BEST THING FOR YOU. If you keep your baby CONGRATS, and if not... YOU WILL BE OK!!!!! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AND YOURS!!!
2006-11-07 16:58:07 · answer #7 · answered by TamBam 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him. If you are afraid of what he may do (to himself, you, the house...) be sure to tell him with someone else present (preferably a male cousin or brother). Also, initiate a visit to a lawyer NOW, before the baby is born, to work out a custody arrangement so he has reassurance that he can be in this childs life and so you will recieve child support should you two break up.
2006-11-07 16:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by erin7 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree, just tell him that "im sry, but I cant have a abortion, that its just not in me to do that" I agree with you that he is just scared because of his last experience. Whats the worst that will happen, hell be mad for a bit. But he will get over it. When he sees that baby that belongs to him he wont be able to deny love. Especially if hes a good guy like you said. I went through the same thing w my now hubby, and he adores his boys. good luck
2006-11-07 16:50:54 · answer #9 · answered by lisa b 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Speak to him about what you want and listen to what he wants. This is both of your baby, however it is your body. Explain to him that you are not his ex and if things do go sour in the relationship later on that he is still the father and you dont want your baby to grow up not knowing it's daddy so you would not keep it away from him! This is a decision that you both need to make together not just his way or the highway! Goodluck.
2006-11-07 16:47:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie- you just gotta do it! If you've made your choice you've made your choice. Don't beat around the bush or wait. You may or may not have his approval and you should understand that that is OK- You can do it! Just sit him down, call him, write him a letter- it doesn't matter - Just tell him.
If he's going to be angry he has the right ( as long as he doesn't hurt you physically) - but he was a willing participant in the "action" that got you pregnant so it's time to face the Music!
Be strong! My best wishes are with you!
2006-11-07 16:49:17 · answer #11 · answered by estheru22 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋