How can I get over my past?

Question

I lack selfesteem...I know this, and I read a lot about how to overcome these issues & already asked a lot of question concerning this topic. It just doesn't seem to help! I have been told early on in life (especially by my mom) that I wasnt what she had in mind as far as a daughter is concerned, my family completly left me out when I decided to date out of my race. Now I walk throug life all on my own. I have no family memebr that shows any interest in me or my life or my where abouts. All I have is my low selfesteem, my ongoing constant thoughts, and my relationship that suffers because of my low selfesteem, the only one thng I have left that has value to me or that I percieve as beeing valuble to. No I have no friends I just moved to a metro 3 month ago & don't know anybody here, the only 2 very close female friends i do have live very far away from me. How can I overcome this? I feel bad when I look at myself in the mirror! I feel that everybody is a better person then me!

Answer 1

no matter who you are, or what kind of background you have everyone lacks selfesteem sometimes, so first, know that you are not alone. next, pull out a sheet of paper and right down ten things you like about yourself (these can be simple things like you like the color of your hair, you like your job, you like that you are capable of taking care of yourself, you like the nail polish on your fingers, or whatever), then write down some things that you enjoy doing that makes you feel good(maybe you enjoy roller blading, taking walks, watching movies, shopping, cleaning your house...whatever), then write down something you would like to accomplish (some ideas: learning to paint, be able to run 3 miles without stopping, making a friend, writing in a journal, continuing your education...whatever), now take that information and realize that this information makes you a unique individual that is capable of achieving your goals and dreams. make a goal to accomplish one of the ideas you wrote down, and formulate a plan on how you are going to achieve it. everyday take time for yourself to reflect on your thoughts, your happiness, and your accomplishments. Recognize how far you've come along, recognize the things you like about yourself, and reward yourself for the things you do accomplish. learning to love your self can be hard, but it is important to not be so hard on yourself. you may want to consider getting a therapist, and joining some sort of interest group near where you live. i bet you could find a book club, or hiking group, or gym, or whatever you want to do near you and any of those things would be a healthy way to meet new people. i hope this helps. take care.

Answer 2

hello

i was quite sad to read your story.

maybe you could be depressed. My friend has very low self esteem and has been subscribed some tabs from doctor that have really helped her she is like a different person. I know medication for this kind of thing isn't always a good idea but maybe it could help untill you have had some councelling that will help you love yourself and deal with your past.
I think councelling (sorry can't spell it!) would help becasue i think you need someone to share your thoughts and worries with. Remember a problem sharred is a problem halved. There are lots of people you can talk to that can assist you into a better state of mind. Dont beat yourself up about things that have happened in the past if you can help it, i know we all do it, well i know i do but you should try not to.
I hope this helps.

xxxx

Answer 3

Oh my..... I can very much relate to your situation as far as your low self-esteem is concerned. I used to hate myself.... mostly because of growing up with a mother who constantly told me I was worthless and good for nothing and that I would never amount to anything because I couldn't ever do anything right! Honey, let me tell you that is something I struggle with EVERY day to overcome..... and I'm now 44 years old. Here is how I "fixed" myself. I forced myself to look in the mirror and talk to myself in a positive way. I would say things like "You're pretty" or "I love you" or "you are a wonderful person"...... I made myself do this every day and you know what?........ it started to work!! Then, I forced myself to "fake" being outgoing. Yes, I "faked" it! I pretended that I was full of confidence and would start conversations with co-workers and people in line at the grocery store. Before long I started FEELING more confident!!! And now...... 10 years later...... my self-esteem is higher than I ever believed it could be!!
Keep reading those "self help" books....... but try my idea too..... I think it will help you!!! Good luck and be strong!!!

Answer 4

Don't listen to these ridiculous answers that have been given as of yet. You obviously need some constructive advice and some people are just a**h***s.
Therapy might help you--there is help out there regardless of your income.
It's important to work through your past with a licensed and trained therapist who can help you figure some thing out and resolve some issues so that you can move forward.
You have suffered verbal and emotional abuse from your most trusted caregiver and those memories are not easy to erase. But it is possible to move forward with help.
Good luck to you and take care
Also, join a group or do something new in order to meet people.

Answer 5

Truth is you are perfect in this world...PERFECTLY created by GOD for a PURPOSE! There is great pain in what your mother said...Ignorant Parents can be so hurtful. The truth is tho' that you are EXACTLY the person GOD had in mind when you were created! Believe that!
As far as self esteem goes I figured it out when I was about 18...Who cares whaat other people think of you! I think I am beautiful, imperfect, wounded, loved and many other things! For a long time I worked on looking in the mirror and telling myself that I am worthy of love, I am beautiful and pretty soon I believed it...Don't let what others say about you become true...be true to you!

Answer 6

To improve your self esteem you should try the following. I hope these points help. Low self esteem can be really tough.

Be positive about yourself and accept compliments that point out your strengths and abilities.

Be realistic about what you can do. Trying to be perfect and comparing yourself with other people can damage your self-esteem.

Recognize that everyone makes mistakes. When you make a mistake, do not put yourself down. You can learn from your mistakes.

Listen carefully to others, without judging.

Respect people's differences. Recognize their strengths and
accomplishments. Acknowledge the things others do that help your family, your workplace and your community.
Support and encourage other people's efforts to learn new things.

Give people in your family unconditional love. For example, when a child does something wrong, make it clear that you dislike the behaviour, but you still love the child.

Spend time with people who make you feel good. Do things that make you feel worthwhile.

Cheers!!

Answer 7

My mother lets me know that when she pictured her daughter, it was nothing like me. I too had low self esteem. Then I looked into the mirror one day and I said. To hell with what she thinks, I like me. I'm strong I'm independent and fun to be around, so what if I'm not a girlie girl. I hate pink. So what if I'm not petite like she is and I'm not feminine enough and I dont strive to act like a "lady".(to her being a lady means,sit with legs together, hands in lap smile and nod). I love jeans. I love having fun and being comfortable wherever I am.
So one day when she started giving me the lecture I looked at her and I said,"I am me, not changing, take it or leave it. I was born with my own mind to act and be who I am when I see fit. I'm not a little you."
Her attitude changed after that. It took some time but eventually she started loosening up too. Now we have the most fun together.Yeah we disagree but she has finally allowed her wild side to come to light and her song has changed. She said the best things to ever happen in her life were Myself and my brother who is very much like me.
Stand up to your family, let them know you will not tolerate being pushed aside because you are not as narrowminded as they are.
And love yourself. Thats where self esteem begins. I dont care what you look like. Go, get a haircut that suits YOU, buy some new clothes that YOU like. Not your husband or your kids or your mother. YOU.
Start valuing yourself as a person and everybody else will too.
And come on and answer a few questions every now and then, make me feel better instead of being bored. Try it.

Answer 8

You might want to check out a local church or someplace where you can give volunteer service. That makes a world of difference in finding out where true self-esteem comes from. Remember you are an awesome daughter of God and amazing things are coming your way. I would invite you to come to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but if you have another persuasion, think of contacting people from whatever you are used to first. Volunteer service with children in a school or a homeless shelter can help you see what your abilities and strengths are. Good luck, and remember someone in the world thinks the world of you.

Answer 9

Enjoy………..Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice I heard on the 'Dr. Phil' show, you too
can find inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off 23 Bud Lights, a bottle of Absolute, a package of Oreos, and the remainder of my old pain pill prescription, the rest of
the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel! Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace.

Answer 10

I see you are getting some Bozo answers from people. Just blow them off. I suggest getting good therapy and facing your issues head-on. Work through them and then you can heal. Set your life up to surround yourself with good people and good activities. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You are exactly the way you were meant to be; you are not substandard. Do things in your life that make you proud of yourself.