Very strange situation - married for 13 yrs but were separated for 6 mo. (March thru Sept). Another woman in the house whom is treated as "wife" - I'm just there to help with the kids, housework, and bills. I left because of past abuse and because he treated the other woman like his wife instead of me. Came back because he was doing so well with the kids and because he said he wanted to work things out with me. The abuse has stopped but he has not made any effort to work things out with me and when I try to talk to him about it he tells me I should just be happy he puts a roof over my head and food on the table. What to do?
2006-11-07 07:36:43 · 21 answers · asked by N 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It takes two people to make a marriage work and if he isn't putting in his share, it's best that u get out of that marriage because it isn't one to begin with. Good luck.
2006-11-07 07:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HELLO, what are you doing?????? If you left, why didn't the kids go with you, and if it was an abusive relationship, what are you teaching these children, Is this the future you want for them? have you ever heard that girls marry there dads and that boys become there father? Is that how you want you're children to act when they grow up and have familys? should they believe, that it's ok to treat you're spouse like gargabe, or that it's normal to be treated this way, in you're own home????? by, you're husband???? HELLO, get out!!!!! Why are you even asking this???? Do, you think this is what you deserve?? Yes, it is a strange situation, but who is this relationship good for??? Is this the best you can be???? Do, you think you deserve to be treated this way??The abuse has stopped you say? has it, it doesn't sound that way,?why is this other woman there, and why is she
being treated as the wife and you're the cook and nanny??
Really, is it ok, is this what you want for you and you're children,
NO- It's not good for anyone?? and NO this is not the best mother, woman or person that you can be, and YES, YOU DO deserve to be happy. And you're children deserve to be raised in a good, solid, happy home, with a mother who will stand up for herself and demand respect and love from those she has
trusted and givenher love to. that nothing less is expected
into her life. and they will know that this is not an exceptable way to treat those you love!!! Teach you're girls to be stong woman, who will not stand to be treated badly, who will demand the respect that there mother has taught them, is acceptable.
and you're boys to be loving husbands and good stong men. Break the cycle honey!! And in this,you will find the
peace, love and happiness you and the children deserve, and
in the future,happy lives of you're children, and grand children
is where you will find YOU"RE true happiness. Best wishes and many prayers to you and you'res!!
2006-11-07 16:20:50 · answer #2 · answered by dreamteam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres ALOT of men that would be willing to put a roof over your head and food on the table for someone with a heart willing to treat them with respect and love them BUT if your NOT getting the respect and Love you know you deserve then he sounds like he's abiding time until the kids get older?? I left after 22 years and stayed hoping things would get better with time but it only got worse. May be because the kids grew up and left home and the last one age 15 was old enough to take care of himself. Oh yeah did I mention my ex's best friend was called "BUD" as in beer. He started sitting in his truck,listening to music until dark. Its amazing what some women will put up with before they throw in the towel. Should have left him 10 years prior. He wouldn't leave. All I can say is , if he won't return your affections(physically) or your love " DUMP HIM" All good things come to those who wait even though you may feel lonely for awhile.
2006-11-07 17:05:14 · answer #3 · answered by CryBaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a no-brainer, honey. Leave! Why on earth would you want to stay in a loveless marriage? Don't you deserve to have someone love and care for you? Of course you do!! As for the abuse, been there, done that. They do it once, they'll do again. Did you live by yourself when you were separated? If you did, then you know how good it feels to be on your own and have that freedom! You don't need him to survive. You'll be just fine on your own. I know it's easier said than done, but get back out on your own, get a divorce, get custody of your kids or at least joint custody, and start a brand new life for yourself. Remember why you got married in the first place; if that feeling's gone, then it's time to end it.
2006-11-07 15:49:50 · answer #4 · answered by November 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out! I was married for 15 years and making all kinds of concessions for my wife. However, the instant that she said she had met another guy who turned her on and wanted to separate to explore the possibilities, I filed for divorce. Now, 18 years after I married a woman who wanted me, I am still on an extended honeymoon (even after helping to raise the 3 children from her first marriage.)
2006-11-07 15:48:30 · answer #5 · answered by Andreas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow for an asshole he sure is doing you a favor
Letting you live there while he has all the liberty any man could ask for.Tell me what in the hell do you owe the Jerk? You can make it on your own.
example.My ex son-in-law left my daughter for a much older *****.Now my daughter has 4 great kids a nice house 4 bedroom a nice late model car& she has done all this on her own.She gets little help as he only pays his child support when he feels like.Moral of the story,there is plenty of help for you,move on tell him to go screw himself.Good luck.I hope you will do this for you and your children
2006-11-07 15:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by I'm Jerry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mum and dad stayed together 4 us kids. When it came to my turn i left my sons dad as we were not in love anymore. It was the best thing i ever did. 4 years later i have another man and another baby on the way and i have never been this happy.... good luck
2006-11-07 15:40:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, it is time to stand up and respect yourself!!! You are the wife but are treated like the leftovers. As you said he has not made a move to reconcile. Why? he wants to have his cake and eat it too!! This is an all around BAD scene!! And have you thought of the psychological effect this is having on your children!! Please move out!! If not for your own sake for THEIRS
2006-11-07 15:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by walking 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just got out of a 13 year marraige , boy it hard with the kids, but my wife was talking to other men like she was single and i left , what comes around goes around , rid yourself of that fool . you can find true love somewhere else , where do you live ? HAHA
2006-11-07 15:47:55 · answer #9 · answered by be real 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should do whats right for you... he may not be physically abusing you, but emotionally he is... you should be grateful that u have a roof over your head? thats crap... u deserve better than that.... be strong, be independent, and dont get treated like your worthless, cuz your not. your kids need to see u happy, and in a healthy relationship.
2006-11-07 15:40:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋