He's done this a couple of times now. He usually starts hinting around by saying things like "you can't feel that can you?" and then escalates to all out humiliation where I'm talking about how good other guys are. He usually ends up wanting me to talk about having sex with a black man who's really hung. Can anyone provide insight? I'm somewhere in between surprised and o.k. with it but also thinking he's going to suggest adding a third person to our sex life. Thoughts please...and please be kind, I'm serious.
2006-11-07 07:25:49 · 27 answers · asked by run_me_some_more 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is having a fantasy, my ex used to want me to simulate sucking another man (by using a toy) while he penetrated me. But in reality he would have never wanted that for real, he was very jealous and controlling. The only way to know is to ask your husband, but be careful with your wording so that he doesn't think you are insinuating that is what YOU want.
Speaking from experience, two men is an unbelievable thing to have, so long as it is all about YOU and not about the guys.
After reading some of these responses I have to add that this probably isn't because he is insecure or not happy with his size, I really think it is just a fantasy that turns him on, he may never want to act it out. Me and my current boyfriend always role play and it makes for a very interesting sex life, sometimes he plays the doctor, sometimes I play the teacher, etc....there is NOTHING wrong with him, and if I were you I would indulge his fantasy and go with it so long as it doesn't bother you, you will have an incredible sex life and the more he enjoys you then he will probably begin to treat you like a queen if he doesn't already.
2006-11-07 07:32:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not an uncommon issue in marriages. It normally happens in marriages that both the spouses have had a fairly active sex life and told each other all about their pasts, kind of like a "we need to come clean with each other before we move any further" session. Over time as things become routine for the guy, many times, he will ask questions about the woman's past and this will spark a streak of jealousy that will increase his arousal. As time passes and the talking about the history may lose it's effect and he may venture into things that never happened, like interracial, threesomes or girl on girl... If you want to see how powerful an aphrodisiac this is for him, when he gets home tonight, tell him that you have something that you have been really wanting to tell him and when the two of you get to bed tonight, you will. Tease him and play with him then make up some wild thing that you say happened in your past and you have been too ashamed to tell him. It will be hot and it will be intense, at least for him it will... It is him trying create intensity in himself so that he will still be what he feels you need in bed. If it is bothering you, tell him that it is and that you are worried that it will end up going further...
2006-11-07 08:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I don't think this is that abnormal. It's a bit natural for couples to want to 'invision' their partner with someone else. It can be for different reason - among those so others can know how lucky they are. Fantasy is fantasy - and it can spice things up at times.
When fantasy is crossing into reality it is a whole other ball game though, and before anyone crosses in to those waters you need to have open communication lines and a very secure realtionship.
I would venture to guess this is just fantasy, go with it and have fun - don't read too much in to it.
2006-11-10 02:09:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it gets him riled up so he can perform better. To me, men as a whole are an enigma, but it's true that most guys don't like to have their "partners" talk about other guys. Maybe yours does. About the 'black man who's really hung' I have no idea. Ask him if he is planning on having someone else-it's the only way you'll know for certian.
2006-11-07 07:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by James Bond Chickz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard of this from an ex about her former husband..this annoyed her so much she stopped having sex until he gave a reason..the problem was that he in fact had a small penis and tried to fantacise he was like other men who wanted her as she was a stunning woman and he felt inadequit all his life maybe it takes a guy to kinda understand shower room mentality..and ps she didnt mind as she loved him
2016-05-22 08:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a gf once that used to talk about her old bf's during sex and what they did. It was strange at first. But then It was a challenge to me to out do them. She wasnt nasty about it at first and I took it as her way of telling me what she has had and liked for me to do. Then as time went by she got really nasty and kinky with it. I think she started getting into it alot and made up parts of it to have me fulfill her fantasies. Truthfully it did become a turn on after a while. I had to try harder and harder to out do them. That was the turn on for me.
2006-11-07 07:55:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with hubby its a fantasy and yes he will suggest a threesome in the future. You obviously are not obliged to participate and hopefully he will understand this and lay off the desire. I sometimes think about my wife with other guys when we do it. This gets me off quick too. Am I a pervert Yes I also have a very active imagination
2006-11-07 07:39:46 · answer #7 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This reminds me of the movie 'Sideways' :) Many men and women have fetishes, his is picturing you with another man. It doesn't mean he really wants you to do it. This sort of talk will continue to esculate and yes he will start talking about a threesome eventually. Unless he starts talking about it when your not having sex, this is just his sexual vice and if it's ok with you then have fun with it. If it's not ok with you then, it's time to have a serious talk about sexual boundries.
2006-11-07 07:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by Monica 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may have a complex that he is not fully satisfying you. His way to ensure you are completely aroused is to have you talk about a man who is extremely endowed and would in his mind be a sure pleaser for you.
Perhaps steer the sex talk more in his direction -- let him know you're enjoying him, say his name --- moan it, whisper it whatever, just let him know it's him you are into....not the imaginary black guy.
2006-11-07 07:31:11 · answer #9 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking "dirty" during sex is a huge turn on for some people. Me being one of them :)...... However if this is something that you do not like you need to tell your partner!!! He might not have a clue. And if being with another man doesn't interest you then give him ideas that do....
2006-11-07 07:29:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋