What happens if my wife and I do not agree on custody but she has no money to pay to fight me for long?

Question

My wife does not make alot of money but refuses to give me joint custody due to my past drug and drinking problems....She says if I give her sole custody she will work with me on visits, and involve me everyway she can but wants sole custody becasue she feels I am controling, and also she is afraid I will continue drinking and doing drugs (although I have been sober for 3 months). Our son is 2 months old and I want joint custody, will the court give that to me if she can not pay to fight me for it? How can she win in court if I have the money? I should not have to prove sobriety to her, or work with her, he is my son and I think it is unfair she only will give me supervised visits. Help me

Answer 1

your a dick

Answer 2

From the sound of your post, it sounds like your ex-wife may be right about your control issues. Do you realize how much work is involved in caring for a two-month old baby? You are ONLY three months sober. That means you should really still be concentrating on caring for yourself. You don't need an infant right now to be responsible for. Accept your wife's VERY generous offer of visitation. (Personally, if it were me, you would get only supervised visitation). With a drug history (regardless of your present sobriety), the court is just as likely to award you only supervised visitation.

Your son isn't some kind of trophy to fight over. He's a living, breathing child. He deserves to be with his mom at least until he's two. Even then, he deserves to go home and sleep in his own bed every night. Be as involved as you possibly can, but give your son the best gift of all---ONLY ONE HOME which he truly calls home.

Answer 3

I cannot say that I blame your wife on this issue. As mothers, we worry about everything. Congrats on being sober for 3 months, but at that time, there is a high risk of relapse. To her, it is too soon to tell if you will stay sober. It is a ligitimate concern. And your concern shouldn't be about whether she has enough money to battle you in court, it should be on your sobriety and your son. Take the time the courts give you for visitation, and later on, go for more time, when you think you have overcome your abuse. Sounds to me like she is trying to compromise with you, but you are not happy unless you get what you want. Think about it this way, you are saying she doesn't have alot of money, then why would you take that away from your son? That is money she could be using on him...not in a court room. Good luck and congrats on the sobriety! :)

Answer 4

Your question is about what happens in court if your wife runs out of money before the case is settled - she may be entitled to free legal assistance if her income is below a certain level AND her primary concern is for your baby. Is YOUR primary concern for your baby? Because this is NOT about YOUR rights - it is about what is best for your baby. While is is awesome that you have kept clean for 3 months, most judges will not be too impressed. Judges are also very quick to spot when someone is playing the legal system in order to be abusive or controlling. It is entirely possible that this could go before the courts and be settled very quickly. Usually if one party is trying to stall then it is recognized for exactly that - doesn't look good. If your wife does run out of money then she has several options: she can represent herself, she can appoint anyone she choses to represent her, she can give in to your demands, or she can keep her lawyer and go after you for all of her legal costs.

Please make yourself take an honest look at your motives. Are you working with your wife to set up conditions where this baby will thrive - be healthy, safe and happy when with either of you? Are you pursuing this in the courts in order to "get her" and this actually has very little to do with your child? Have you really thought of what you can do so that both of you get want you want? For example, you could suggest that you'll agree that your wife have sole custody for the first 2 or 3 years then it can revert to joint custody if you've stayed clean. You could also agree to supervised visits for the baby's first few months, on the condition that gradually you'll be able to have the baby for longer visits on your own - this actually makes sense given the age of the baby and would completely reassure her that you really do have the baby's best interest in mind.

All this being said... However you and your wife handle things now WILL impact your child. Just because your child is so young right now, he/she can still feel it when there is stress and upset. And as your child grows, will be completely aware that his/her parents are at war and that fact will affect every aspect of his/her world! Do you want to have just fathered this child or do you want to be a Dad? Please think about this. Keep your baby's welfare as your priority and everything else will work out. Good luck.

Answer 5

You may not have to prove sobriety to her, but you will to the courts. What we think is unfair is irrelevant to the judicial system. I am glad you are sober for 3 months, but it will take more than that to convince the court. And in this case, I don't think money will matter. He's only 2 months old.......little ones need their mommies more at this stage in life. Trust that she will involve you in the boys growing up and if you stay sober, what a life that will be. Kids are cool. Good luck

Answer 6

She does not need money to fight you in court and she can hire an attorney or represent herself and I know the court usually gives joint custody but with that drinking problem even if you been clean for 3 month's I'm not sure how that will work out i wouls do the best to work it out woth her think of your son after all he will suffer the most

Answer 7

Well, being that the baby is only 2 months old he really needs to be with his mother...and she has every right to request sole custody because of your history. Stop thinking about yourself and do whats best for the baby. More than likely since the child is so young the judge is going to grant her sole custody anyway.

Answer 8

You have only been clean & sober 3 months? Well lets have a ticker tape parade! Obviously you are responsible enough to have unsupervised visitation with an infant. *sarcasam*

You know in the end your wife won't need money, she needs a court appointed attorney and a social worker for the child's best interest. You may not have to prove anything to her, but you will to a judge and the courts.

Answer 9

I don't beleive one parent should have sole custody of children in a divorcee. No matter if one parent has a problem or not.Problems can be solved. And if she loved you enough she would have stuck it out and found help for you when you where together and not wait until the divorce. She sounds like she has a slight problem here also.
The only ones suffering are the children. Not you and not her.

You need to check yourself into Rehab and prove to her and the courts you are capable of haveing your children. Don't wine about the problem.

Answer 10

having money to fight in court will not help if you have a drug problem. that's automaticaly deemed as an unfit parent. and yes the judge can have you prove sobriety everytime you associate yourself with your child for the safety of the child. you don't need money to get sole custody. what you need is to prove you are a better suited parent to the child. if she is smart.....she can request an attorney to charge you for her fees. i know i would.

Answer 11

never give in. I lost my daughter to a man who said he would always let me be a part of my daughters life if i gave him custody. i dont have any addictions but he had more money to raise her better. he has taken off and hidden my baby from me. I die a thousand deaths at the mention of her name or the thought of never seeing her again. no matter what you have been or done the relationship is always important enough to fight for. Joint custody ensures your rights as a parent much better.