how can you or did you?

Question

get over the pain from your spouses' affair ?
keep the self rightous answers to yourself only answer if you stayed with them and worked through it thanks

Answer 1

to be honest with you, i don't think that would work...

Answer 2

I don't think you ever truly do. I think in time it gets easier and you think about it less and less but there are still some days when something little will remind you of it and the pain is there all over again, but not always as bad as before. I think the best thing to do is to try and fool your mind if you want to stay with that person. Be prepared that if bad thoughts enter your mind that you have a back up plan, like something good to think about to make the bad things go away. You have to find it all with in your self. Its really hard and it takes time and understanding, good luck and I'm sorry for your pain.

Answer 3

It can be done, and I think it is wonderful that you are willing to stick it out!!

You have already taken the first step! You are committed to making it work!

It is also very important that your spouse is as committed to it as you are! Go to a good councelor. If you are a Christian, I suggest finding one through church! If not, be sure that it is a councelor that values the importance of marriage!
You need to really work on the issues that lead up to the affair, not so much on the affair itself! That was a symptom of something else that was wrong in your relationship! Get to the bottom of that first and work through it.

Talk about the affair, don't treat it as though it never happened. Talk through your feelings of anger and resentment with your spouse. Be sure that he/she realizes how much it hurt you.

It will take time (a lot of it) to trust completely again. Don't try to rush it, and ask that your spouse be patient with you. You deserve that, and he/she needs to understand that.

I wish you the very best of luck! It will be a difficult road, but you can and will get through it!

Answer 4

I have been in a relationship where my significant other cheated and I tried to make it work but in all honesty. It was good for a little while but the 1st time he was somewhere he shouldn't be or he didn't answer his cell, I started trip pin out and we argued. Trust is a beautiful thing in a relationship and whether we believe it or not, once that is gone, there is nothing. I continued to stay with him for about a year after and then got hurt again because he still was cheating but just got smarter with it. Leave because once you forgive they think you forget and some people (men or woman) cheat because they can and I know some relationships spring back from cheating but the majority don't and in that small ratio of people who spring back and their relationship makes it, it is never like it was. To me I have learned that once you sleep around or get out of your relationship boundaries, you take away some of the glue that holds it together and once you have done that it never is as strong as it was before. Good Luck, each situation is different but like I said, in most cases it just doesn't work.

Answer 5

is like every other choice you make in life. you have to learn how to live knowing that s/he did it once before. Honestly, you do learn how to look pass it and how to live your life with your spouse. I decided to stay becasue of my son, but now, I feel that it was a good decision I made, he looks at me and tells me that he respects my streght.
all the people who say I will never stick with someone like that, end up at some point wondering what if or just jumping from one unfullfilling relationship to another

Answer 6

You can try and have faith that it was a mistake and won't happen again. You may also be wise to attend marriage counselling, either alone or with your partner. Infidelity leaves awful scars on a relationship, but if a relationship can withstand a one time affair then it can withstand anything.

Answer 7

From experience I can tell you it is hard, it won't be healed fast but I believe that you have to start with forgiveness. Then you can try & forget. Don't remind yourself about it, when the thought comes, push it aside. Loving is learning to carry the pain on the side. You don't need to familiarise it to help you to forget.

Answer 8

The way I did it for 21 years is to believe her even when I knew she was lying, and make the best of a bad situation. But that's not good for long term. Now the kids are gone and so am I.

Answer 9

I would stay with my wife if it happened. But if you're a bigger more forgiving person than me then I wish you all the best.

Getting over pain is never easy but if I can give you one piece of advice it would be this: if the pain gets worse with time instead of getting better then do something about it. Do something that you're comfortable with and that's within your means.

Hats off to you.

Answer 10

you can never get over the pain ,,it's always hunting you and on top of that you loose confidence...i tried it once and all it did was just bickering about the affair...after that i decided not to go back when there was infidelity....it's a very hard thing to work on ,,I always say,"You can forgive , but you can't forget."

Answer 11

Staying with a person who cheats, you are enabling them. He may say he will never do it again, but sometime down the road the opportunity may present itself again and he will think well she didn't leave that time what makes this time different.

Don't enable him, enable yourself. Enable yourself to leave.