How can I make my 11 y/o understand that her step-sister is just trying to make her feel bad?

Question

My husband's 16 y/o just started living with us and is making our 11y/o's life miserable. She'll say stuff like, my dad loves me so much and he came into my room last night and gave me a kiss on my forehead, my daddy does anything I tell him to do, or even tells me to take care of her dad because she knows of two women that want him. I keep telling my 11 y/o that the older one only says stuff to make us feel bad but she doesn't understand. I have talked to my husband about it but he doesn't see what this girl is doing. We (daughter/me) see how he is partial to his kids from the first marriage but doesn't pay the same attention to my daughter (his as well). He thinks we are both crazy and continues to give the older ones everything they want, even though they have been really messed up as far as what they have done in their short years of life. My daughter is hurting and I don't know how to comfort her.

Answer 1

It sounds like he is trying to "make up" for mistakes he made with his older ones. And, if she just stated living with you, he may be trying to keep her from leaving. If it doesn't work itself out over a while, and he continues to be oblivious to they way it makes the two of you feel, maybe you need an outsider to step in a bring things into the light. As for your daughter, maybe the best thing for her is to spend as little time as possible around the older one for a while until she can start to see that she is just trying to hurt her.

Answer 2

wutever u do, do not openly disrespect your husband,this will cause even more tension.

the best thing to do is:
bring the whole family together. before this, tell ur husband to listen carefully to what everyone says, tht ur daughter is now his daughter too.

obviously, the older ones are jealous tht u married their dad.

give each member of the household time to talk. remind the older ones tht ur daughter is their step sister, they need to behave.

you must also consider ur daughters personality.
is she the babyish type, tht u see as sweet but who complains all the time about this?

or does she really try to deal with this and while likes ur comfort is more indepent?

if she tends to be the first i described, then im sorry to say, but she may be lying or overexaggerating, so u must kno:do u see this going on?

if she is the second, this is a ligit problem.

when u come out of the conversation,u must kno tht not everyone will be happy with the verdict, but thts just the way kids are.

i really hope this works out for u.
♥

Answer 3

Dump the @sshole. If he can't treat your daughter equally to his then there is a problem. Also, tell the little 16 year old **** that you'll punch her lights out if she bugs your daughter anymore. Don't let your daughter have to endure this awful situation much longer. Where did the 16 year old come from? Send the spoiled little b*itch back to wherever she came from. And tell her hubby if he doesn't start treating your kid right to get the fu*ck out of your house too. Your 11 year old daughter will have a lot of emotional problems in the future if you allow this to continue. Trust me. I've been there.

Answer 4

Take them all into a room and make the 16y/o girl sit and listen to what you and your husband have to say. Tell your 11year old that things are going to change around the house. I would let your husband know what his daughter is doing to your daughter and that your daughter is getting really down about this. I really hope this works out

Answer 5

It almost seems as though the step daughter is trying to convince herself that she is loved by her father. It may not just be she is trying to be mean, but that she is trying to convince herself that her dad didn't replace her with your daughter. You need to talk to your husband and MAKE him talk to his daughter about this. You might also try counseling for all of you, mainly the issues his daughter has towards you and your daughter. In the mean time just explain the jealousy thing to your daughter, and let her know how much you love her!

Answer 6

Although you have entered a marriage where you are both bringing in your own children, doen't mean you have to become one happy equal family..the chances of that happening are slim to none. Instead I think you should take some time out for you and your daughter taker her out to the mall, go get your nails and hair done (fake for you ..none for here..just polis :-P) and just tell her openly and random moments when the mean 16 yr old or husband is around "you are my favourite little girl...etc" proundly express your love go in and give her two kisses..bring her midnights snacks...see how that works out..a tit for a tat

Answer 7

People play favoritism even when there are the biological parents of both......Ive seen it may times....for what ever reason he IS favoring the first daughter......and that's wrong. Its going to be hard to show him his errors, especially when children are involved, the first daughter obviously reminds him of his first wife....that he cherishes....you cant change that....Good Luck...


My husband has two children from his first marriage......he adores one of them, the one who looks just like her mom....the son who looks nothing like mom/dad, he has very few words for....I've basically been handed the son as if I created him with the neighbor....he will commit a murder for the daughter.

Answer 8

Ok. I understand you and your daughter. you have a point but sins that is your husbands daughter it will be hard. You have to make him see how that girl is doing bad to your daughter. Catch her in the act. But if this keeps on going you are going to lose your mariege. So that girl is a rat. You have to make that your husban gives you more attention that what he gives that girl. Than you are going to make him give attention to your girl. And that girl will wish she was never born. But make you important because she can more than you. Make her do bad things but that your husban sees her.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

I am so sorry to read your story. You have to blame on your husband for his bias and keep telling him how your daughter was hurt by her half sister. Or you guys might want see the marriage counseling person. Yes, you have to do something to solve this problem.

Answer 10

I think if you tried talking to him and it didn't work, you and him should see a social worker together to talk about the problem. If you think bringing the kids would be a good idea, then do that, but I'd suggest you go alone at first, and then later bring in your husband to talk to the social worker.