...an emotional abusive narcisist and the last time you spoke with your sister was supposedly "the last straw" and she was leaving him and filing for divorce...but you just heard that she and her husband will be at Thanksgiving dinner?!!! It's completely out in the open now that her husband is an abusive SOB. He has threatened to take the children. She's afraid of him. But he is joining us for dinner??? How am I supposed to sit there pretending that everything is okay??
2006-11-07 06:12:03 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wanted to add that this has been going on for over 5 years now. I don't have room or time to describe all the things he has done.
2006-11-07 06:14:46 · update #1
Please know that I have absolutely no intention of causing a seen on the holiday, particularly not in front of my niece and nephew.
2006-11-07 07:01:23 · update #2
Something is going on between your sister and her husband. At Thanksgiving, be very observant of what's going on between them. If you get the opportunity, pull your sister aside and let her know you're there for her no matter what. DO NOT ask her what's going on or why did she bring him there. She may not be able to or want to tell you what's going on. From this point forward, do not judge her actions or decisions, but let her know you'll be there for her and stand by her no matter what and that she can depend on you.
It won't be easy for you, but try not to pass judgement. Be civil and polite to her husband. Take a deep breath and just hope and pray for the best and be the best sister you can be for her. Good luck.
2006-11-07 06:44:26 · answer #1 · answered by married2004 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being there are kids involved, don't make a scene in front of them. I say bite the bullet for the HOLIDAY, and let him know how you feel when it is the two of you. Your sister is probably an emotional wreck and isn't seeing things for what they are. You are on the outside looking in, you have seen both sides. All she can think of right now is trying "to make it work for the kids", and not rocking the boat. Don't tell her what you think she should do....I can assure you this will only push her away. I have been in this situation. She will eventually have enough of him, get her bearings and kick him to the street. Until then, all you can really do is be there for her and her children until SHE has enough. As delicate a situation as this is, I would NOT pretend that everything is ok. I would just choose to stay clear of him for Thanksgiving. You don't have to interact with him. There is always a time and place to defend your family,and give the culprit a piece of your mind, but on a holiday.....that's one that won't be forgotten as a "normal" day on the calendar!
2006-11-07 06:24:05 · answer #2 · answered by amanda r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sis is in the same thing. I tried keeping the peace at holidays and inevitably he would say or do something to one of the kids that made me trip on him. Now when we HAVE to be around each other, he stays in one room, me in another and I just make sure everybody that's anybody is with me !! HEHEHE He usually gets frustrated and leaves. My sis leaves with him sometimes but she needs to understand that her kids, my kids and civilized people don't have to put up with his arrogant ways. It was bad between my sis and I for a while but now she's paying more attention and is starting to see what he's doing. Give her time to find her voice and strength on her own. GOOD LUCK
2006-11-07 13:04:00 · answer #3 · answered by Rae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs help. As a mother, I would be damned if I stayed in a abusive relationship...for the sake of my kids and myself. You need to have a serious heart-to-heart with her, and tell her that you are worried for her safety. She needs to be strong for her kids and leave his a** and file for divorce on grounds of abuse, and that will make his visitations supervised. And a restraining order would have to be put in place, so that he cannot touch her. And at Thankgiving, just sit there, your sister may need all the support she can get. Don't get into it with him and try to be civil, so that he can't say anything about it. Good luck! :)
2006-11-07 06:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not suppose to be okay with it tell the sob you only tolerate him because of respecting your sisters wishes when u believe she should be getting away from the prick. If she will get beat over that she needs to leave and if she is wanting to stay she needs help. if she is just afraid to leave tell her she can keep her children if he i abusive and she can prove it tell her to go to a womans houseing center if she is scared they wont let him get near her. best of wishes and i know its hard to sit around and watch this happen to someone you care about so im sorry this has happened to someone in your family. i wish the best for you and your sister.
2006-11-07 06:19:00 · answer #5 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be polite but you certainly do not have to put yourself out to be overly friendly with this man. If possible speak to your sister and ask if she would like you to help her find accomodations, possibly with you and your family or if necessary at a Women's Shelter. Fear is an aweful thing in any relationship and who knows what he has threatened her with to keep her with him? Good luck to you in your support of your sister and to your sister in removing herself from this abusive situation.
2006-11-07 06:16:51 · answer #6 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of her children, try to keep peace at Thanksgiving. If you are intent on letting him know your point of view, wait until he is ready to leave and then escort him out .... providing a little commentary on the walk.
I would recommend counselling for your sister....try to get her to go ...
2006-11-07 06:15:14 · answer #7 · answered by girlielikesfun 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK....actually.....I have been in a very similar situation.....my (little sis I might add) sister had this boyfriend for 6 years......I hated his guts.....I just knew there were things she was not telling me about happening......So one night they were together......They had had a fight......He broke the windshield in her car......And pushed (manhandled!! What the F-ever!) her around a bit and she had a bruise on her arm.........OH BOY I THOUGHT........I could very easily go to jail right about now!.......Next time I saw them she and he had came over to my parents TOGETHER.......I asked him to step outside......He refused.....Because he is a friggin' looser.......So I basically verbally castrated him in front of my parents and my sister and GOD and everybody.....I simply called him on it......Believe it or not he actually started to cry which simply gave me more ammunition.....About a month later they had broke up and a few months later she met the man she is married to today and they have three wonderful children together......Stand up for her because she simply may not have the strength to do it herself.....But what ever you do LOVE her and make sure she knows you do....
2006-11-07 06:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister has to make the first move and leave him, then everyone should back her up and protect and take care of her. If she does not make a move you cannot, she will blame you for what happens. I would tell him to his face, that when she does make the move , he is in deep ****!!
2006-11-07 06:27:26 · answer #9 · answered by compassion 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just know that if you don't your sister will have to PAY for it when she gets home! You know what I mean! Thanksgiving isn't the time to help her solve her problem. Just have a good time so she will at least have that!
2006-11-07 06:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋