I brought up the topic of divorce. He agrees. We have no children, no major leagl ties like a house and we WORK TOGETHER. We decided to get a divorce 1 week after my grandfather's passing and this was a week ago. This is the beginning of the whole situation and I feel nothing but sadness and fear. I haven't been single in 10 years and the prospect of dating and all that scares me to death. I feel like my whole world is imploding.
How long will it take for me to get on my feet emotionally? Any suggestions?
2006-11-07 06:04:41 · 23 answers · asked by LadeeBug 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are going through a hard time right now so give yourself a chance to feel whatever you are feeling. This is the time to work on yourself. I advise you not to get into another relationship right now. Deal with the two deaths (a divorce can make you grieve) and move on when your emotionally ready. It can take weeks, months or years depending on how you deal with it. In the meantime reach out to friends and family for support. Do things you enjoy. Find a new hobby, join a gym or take a class at a local college to better yourself. I've been through this and in time you will look back and feel proud of the obstacles you have overcome and be much stronger.
2006-11-07 06:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by evesmystique 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off it will diffinetly take you some time to get yourself together as a matter of fact you should give yourself some time since this is a new change in your life....I also would take it slow far as dating for a while as well because since you haven't dated for so long you wouldn't be quite comfortable at it just yet...Since you have made the decision you know by now that you must be strong and now deal with it....It will be tough for awhile but given time you will be okay...Now how long? I couldn't tell you that siimply because it depends on the individual itself most people can bounce back and go and live and have fun... But most of the others will not have that pleasure...My advice to you is take the time and get your head together on it first... Don't rush it...And don't keep asking yourself how long...You will know when the time comes.
2006-11-07 06:22:54 · answer #2 · answered by beagirl40 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Enjoy being single!!! Whatever you do, don't jump into another relationship right away even if it gives you comfort. Please. I've made this mistake time and time again. Even if the person seems perfect...your vision is blurry after a break up. Take time to sort everything out find out the mistakes that you made. Be brutally honest with yourself about what YOU did wrong in the relationship. Seek counseling if it helps. Enjoy being yourself and being able to do things the way you want to and when you want to. Find some new hobbies and friends. Also find out what you truly want in a future relationship and then when your ready don't "settle" for any old relationship. Remember that there are people here that you can "talk" to. Good luck.
2006-11-07 06:22:20 · answer #3 · answered by G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Much like a death you need to time to grieve the end of a relationship. At least your wise enough not to be looking to get involved immediately and get into a relationship because of being on the rebound. You'll know when the time is right, instinct - which you should trust. Also when you least expect it is when you will probably meet someone new. That is what happened with me and my fiance. We both swore off marriage and said that we'd never do that again. Well guess what next May 20 we walk down the aisle. So be careful of making statements like that as God only knows what the future holds. It is difficult to get back into the dating scene but very doable, and things will work out fine. Please trust me on this one.
2006-11-07 06:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are. I married when I was 17 and was married for 18 yrs...I never knew anything but him. I went through some dark and dreary days, but after being divorced for 2 yrs., life is good. I am doing better financially than I was when I was married and have grown so much. We remain friends and help eachother out. Don't stay in a marriage where you are miserable. Life is what you make it and believe me, when you think you can't take another setback something comes along and brightens your day. You will get through it, it just takes time. I know everything I said is easier said than done, but it is true. I know from experience. You will find love again.Keep your chin up. Sorry about your papa. I sure do miss mine!
2006-11-07 06:18:42 · answer #5 · answered by Carrie H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try EVERYTHING to save the marraige.
Then, if it fails, you can walk away with a clear conscience.
I don't understand the "fear" part, though. You're afraid of dating? I wouldn't think about dating right now. A new man should be the last thing on your mind. I would autopsy the relationship to find out where it went wrong with both YOU and HIM. Then clean up any baggage or mess before you start another relationship. There are tons of books out there to read which could make you feel better and help with your next relationship.
2006-11-07 06:15:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have acknowledged that you are scared and feeling insecure and it is 100% normal. It probably won't go away for a while so why not focus on your exciting future. The freedom will feel wonderful. You will not have to plan your entire schedule around another person. Eat, drink, sleep, when you want to. Rent movies, and watch the programs on TV that you want to. And just think about how exciting it will feel when men start looking at you in that certain way again. Think how good it will feel to feel the flush of romance again. You have a wonderful and exciting time coming up - don't miss it because you are dwelling on the bad. Good luck, darlin'.
2006-11-07 06:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Taking a major step in the opposite direction your life was tracking is a very un-nerving. Just be strong in knowing that, while difficult, this in all likelihood the better choice for you. Remaining in a unhappy, thankless marriage serves no purpose. Find something theraputic to do --- take up spinning pottery, throwing darts at his picture .... whatever it takes.
You only feel like your world is imploding because all aspects of it are changing. Change by change it will become easier.
Before you know it you will be back on your feet, out there flirting and dating and having the time of your life.
Stay strong!!!!
2006-11-07 06:12:17 · answer #8 · answered by girlielikesfun 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to understand that the man in your life not everything, OK. in other words don't be scared to loss him, you have to have the confident that you could be by your self, and by the time comes you well be proud of yourself. The important theory in the world is that getting divorce doesn't mean the end of the World, and you are not going to be alone. at first it might be sad because you guys been together 4 years, but it won't be more than that.
My advice to you is that you need to be strong, and if you can work out something together to be with each other please do, if not than just deal with it with confident.
2006-11-07 06:14:08 · answer #9 · answered by rashrash27 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay strong. This is a very difficult thing to go through. But, YOU CAN DO IT!!!
It will be scary and it is different, you also have to get use to a whole new way of life. Just keep on thinking about your future happiness. Everything you do now will just take you closer to your goal. Oh, and don't worry about dating. You don't need to do it right away. Get back into the dating pool when you feel ready to do so.
2006-11-07 06:09:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋