If your new husband was caught looking for sexual relations online what would you do?

Question

He covered it up when we were dating. Now that we've been married 2 months I found out he was looking through adult personal ads around where we live and in the state where his next business trip is. He says it's just to get off on, not to actually act on. The thrill of it all--knowing that there are other people out there that do this sort of thing. I don't know if I should believe him. I trusted this man with all my heart. He said that he would never hurt me. I feel dead inside. I don't know what to do. We have an appt with our therepist for this weekend...how do I get rid of the pain before then? He says over and over again how sorry he is and that it was a stupid mistake he'll never do it again.

Answer 1

Up until your appt. with your therapist, go out with friends, get your nails done, get a massage...do anything and everything that makes you feel good........not for him........for YOU. Sure he's going to apologize...blah blah blah. See what your therapist advises. I would have probably already castrated him with with one of those thirty some cords attached to the computer (just kidding). Perhaps, however, his mother could make room for him in the mean time! This is a serious matter and I would stick to the advice of your therapist. Best to you

Answer 2

Yank the internet cord from the wall. He is thoughtless to your feelings and how it is hurting you. This is a form of cheating, and he may not be doing anything right now, but eventually he probably will. Tell your therapist what is bothering you, do not be afraid to lay it all on the table. The whole point of a therapist is to help you with what is bothering you in the marriage, don't resolve it before then. He needs to know how you feel and get a perspective from the doc. He says it will never happen again, but I would not trust that. The people he was looking at lived close to home and where he works. You have all rights to feel dread, but don't let it get the best of you. I would take the computer out, just to be sure it won't happen again. Good luck! :)

Answer 3

Well, I would call it cheating. It's emotionally draining on you and I suggest that you sit down and speak with him openly about the situation. You guys aren't dating anymore - you are man and wife. He's selfish if he disregards how you feel about the internet dating. If he's having sex with these unknown people what's to stop him from doing the real thing. Since he scopes out personal ads when he does trips then my guess is that he's unfaithful and doesn't care what you think because to him - it's harmless. He doesn't recognize you as his wife and holds no value to the vows you took. Whether you stay with him is your decision, no one can trust him but you - since it seems he's broken that trust and you have confronted him on it - my guess is that he'll try and blame you. Don't be his scapegoat. Get an STD test, AIDS test. Make sure all your joint accounts cannot be emptied unless the other spouse is notified, Prepare and Plot your way out of this marriage. Don't let him take more than he already drained from you. There are millions of faithful men out there - this one isn't one of them. Don't feel sorry for yourself - it'll do you no good. Cry - let it out and Move On. His inability to commit to this marriage, his unwillingness to change and his selfish ways should give you more incentive to pick up the pieces and walk out that door. If he begs and pleads, and you feel like taking him back or giving him a second chance - remember what he did to you and why you wanted to leave in the first place. Tell him to get a life and grow some balls.

Answer 4

Sorry about what happened. Unfortunately, there's no easy way to get rid of the pain without living through it. What he did was unacceptable. He betrayed you and the vows he made to you. He might be "sorry", but I bet he's mostly "sorry" that he got caught. If he really DID think it was wrong - why did he keep engaging in this behavior over and over? If his desire for a "trill" is more important than his committment to you - it will be a better decision on your part to get it over with now; you can get an annulment, live through the pain, and start anew. Not all men are like that, there are plenty of honest individuals out there who do value committment. I'm willing to bet that if you stay, this guy will do it again and again, will eventually get caught again, and the circle of pain will start anew.

Answer 5

Well dear my BF of 2 years has been caught looking for sex via chatlines,adultfriend finders even had a profile on personals site.Dear I first found the calls to the chat lines on his cell bill and that was a year ago! He has become smarter and sneaker... My advice is give your husband sometime to prove himself that he is 100% for your marriage, If he continues on seeking sexual relations then you can walk away knowing you gave it your all. Unfortunately he has already emotionally cheated on you but the good news is that can be changed if your man understands how this has made you feel and shows some remorse and most importantly doesn't do repeat situations.... Good Luck hun hopefully you have a good man and he does right!!!!

Answer 6

You're only two months into your marriage and he's looking for extracurricular activities? How did he cover it up when you were dating? Did you have any idea he was doing this when you were dating? This does not sound like its a new activity for him.

If you're committed to staying in this marriage then you need to prepare yourself for years of never-ending lies and infidelities. I don't mean to sound harsh, but If you're smart you'll end this marriage now before your self esteem is shattered and your trust in men has been reduced to dust. He may have married you but he is not married in his heart and soul.

Of course he said he's sorry and it was a mistake (he's sorry he got caught and his mistake was in not using a computer that you had access to).

Open your eyes, he is showing you his true character right now and this will not change in the future (even with you two talking to a therapist). This situation will only deteriorate further, you've only touched the tip of the iceberg.

Answer 7

First I have to say I am sorry that you caught your husband doing that, but you have to ask yourself this question Did he like doing what he was doing before we met? And how much did I take the time to check him out? See it is no telling how long really he was doing that and the reason why he didn't tell you is because he liked the thrill of it, It really does excites him to know that there are people like himself that are doing just what he does....If I did catch my husband doing that...then I have to be honest with myself and say that either he is no longer in love with me or I am not full filling him sexually...I went through that and yes my husband found out that I was doing the same thing your husband is doing right now...Of course we talked and we made good choices and we are still together..I would say that you both need to talk first before you do anything drastic..Let him know that you cannot live like this..and give him some choices and if he doesn't agree then take the next step... But first you make the effort to help the situation...I had too and so did my husband after we talked about it...I found out that it was much better.....One last thing I have to add to this story...Even though he is telling you that he will not do it again...trust me he will because of the excitement of it.... That is a promise he cannot keep and neither did I and I had to be honest with my husband on that issue....But really the only reason why we feel that it is necessary for us to do this is because we are lacking something that we are not getting from our spouses....And I am telling the truth because like I said it happened to me.. I never made any promises to my husband that I wouldn't stop talking to people on line but I will say that I am glad that my marriage was more important to me to talk and work it out rather than to walk out because of that! Another thing don't think about getting even because all that does is make the situation much more open for him to keep doing just what he is doing....I had to let my husband know that too! Two wrongs doesn't make a right..Remember that!
Go and talk to him and let him know that you know what he is doing and work it out...If my husband understood and was willing to work it out with me and he knew too then you will have the courage and go and do the same...Good luck and let me know how things worked out!!

Answer 8

Sorry but his excuse is lame. It'd be one thing if he was looking at porn online, but he's actually looking at websites where real people are looking to hook up. And the fact that he's checking the city where his next business trip is taking him?

As we say in New York, oh puh-leeze.

I love his line too, that he "would never hurt you." I hate to break it to you, but that's code for "when I do end up having sex with someone else, I will make damn sure you never, ever find out because...I would never hurt you."

I say let him have it in the therapy session. Don't hold back. And while you're at it, change the locks while he's away. You deserve better.

Answer 9

He is lying to you and he looking for sex on every cornor he goes to. You'll never change him he' s addicted to sex and you better believe he can find it , he getting it. Divorce is your best option take all this stuff to your atty. get all you can out of him. You have a loser and you need to find a man that cares for only you not some addict that is looking for love in all the right places and he'll find it cause it is everywhere. He might be sorry because he cannot help himself and you'll wake up one morning with sexual with a sexual transmitted disease, he'll say I'm so sorry.

Answer 10

Wait to see what the therapist says. But you have to find a way to forgive him or the marriage won't work. Is he still doing it? Can you be sure he has stopped? Breaking the trust in a marriage is the end for most. You have to decide if it's worth saving.