I have been in a long term relationship 16yrs, they were diagnosed as being Manic Depressive about 7 years ago BUT they will not stay on their meds, I have endured 7 years of cheating. Every time they have left to be with some one else I get a call begging to come home and promises of never cheating again. Three months ago I gave in once again to the heartfelt pleadings and they returned home. I had one condition, stay on the meds of course no cheating. Sunday they were caught with the same person again, they downed their entire prescription of antidepressants after being told to move back out. The suicide attempt was not successful. I went to the hospital for a visit, the phone in the room rang and it was the 3rd person. Now what? I feel guilty turning my back on a “sick” person, I need help I am almost just as depressed from all the drama. We were married for 10 of the 16 years, divorced now.
2006-11-07 05:24:38 · 21 answers · asked by actually_im_lost 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes it is a "he" not a "they" I just wanted the best answer for male or female.
2006-11-07 05:35:10 · update #1
youre a codependant enabler, and need therapy yourself. get out of it.
2006-11-07 05:27:14 · answer #1 · answered by David B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must understand one thing. You can never help someone that will not help themselves. Cheating and depression do not go hand in hand. However if I had three women I had to keep from knowing about each other I think I would be depressed too.
His attempt at suicide was a call for help or to play on your sympathy.
You have gone well beyond your responsibility. leave again and this time make it clear you are not a port in his storm.
I know it is hard but sometimes we have no choice. He will continue to drag you down with him if you let him. And there will come a time when you will hate him for what he is doing.
Offer to get him help for this but move out. And never promise you will return under any circumstance. If you see in the future he has gotten a handle on these problems then maybe.
This is your life too.
2006-11-07 05:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie, u are being played as this person gets his cake and eat it too even though the person needs some serious help!
I wish there was an easier answer to this but I feel U should just leave this person before U go nuts yourself. U can not save everyone in the world. Sounds U already have tried your hardest to do your part and you are about to fall apart.
As in the suicide...if one wants to really kill themselves they will be successful at it with out letting anyone know. By telling others and doing it while someone is there or calling someone b4 or after doing harm to themselves...they are using it against you and is one screwed up person needing allot of professional help and maybe a stay at a care facility to be under watch of the professionals. If U can...get this person admitted to a ward or some kind then move on and start to live your life. Good Luck
2006-11-07 05:35:25 · answer #3 · answered by any1on 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through virtually the same thing after 18 years of marriage. He kept calling crying and threatening suicide if I wouldn't come back. He had tried before, so I knew he meant it. It was not my fault and I came to understand that. He was manipulating me. I told him finally to make sure the kids would be okay financially and to leave a will, then I hung up. I was pretty cold, but he eventually figured out that it wasn't going to work. He cheated on me for years and years, took all of the money, physically and emotionally abused me and then thought that I would come back if he threatened suicide and promised to be "good."
You stay away. You tried to get him help and to set boundaries, but he blew it. He IS sick and you need to remember that he is not your responsibility. You are doing the right thing - stick with it! You have done everything you can - now you can be at peace with your decision.
2006-11-07 06:01:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The person needs help that you cannot give. Trust me the sickness is not about you. Staying means you will be subject to this for the rest of that persons life and trust me, with or without you that person is going to attempt suicide again. Get them some help and leave because you will definately be brought down.
Dont you feel like they are draining the energy from you to keep alive? Thats exactly whats happening..
You cant help . Its not up to you. The issues go way deeper than if you leave or stay.
That person is just trying to make sure you will always be there as an energy source to use as he sees fit..
Do not feel guilty. He's grown. His issues are not your own. I repeat you cannot help him. Go and find happiness after you've gotten some proffessionals involved. You have a life too and you need to live it.
2006-11-07 05:38:02 · answer #5 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone threatens suicide, call the police. The person will be taken to the hospital for observation. You are not responsible or qualified to do anything more than that. You are being manipulated- when you decide you've had enough, stop allowing this to happen. No hospital visits, no guilt, no listening to begging. Your involvement is just as sick as the "sick" person.
2006-11-07 05:29:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does not stay on his meds, then it will not work. He wasn't successful in his attempt, for your safety, I would leave. After of course you tell his docs of his behavior and to try to get him help. He threatens you with suicide because that is a way for him to keep you around. You cannot control whether or not he will commit suicide, if it happens, it happens. That sounds harsh, but true. I think he is saying it to keep you around. But you need to get out before he drives you nuts! Talk to his doc about this. Good luck! :)
2006-11-07 06:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this person needs professional help. call a professional help line and discuss the situation with them and ask them what to do.
but I can tell you this; You can't fix this. the average, non-professional person can't fix this. you need to stop trying to.
make some phone calls, and step back out of the way and let the professionals help this person. that is the best thing you can ever do for this person.
they may hate you for it now, but in the long run, you may even be saving their life. and isn't that more important than risking making them upset?
2006-11-07 05:31:20 · answer #8 · answered by smartkid37138 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got nothing to feel guilty about. You've been a good sport. You've done your best and more than your share. You've repeatedly turned the other cheek. He needs to be, at least partially accountable for his own actions, even if he is unbalanced. His decision to kill himself is not your fault. If I where you, I would no longer be held hostage in a no-win situation. You've spent the best years of your life on a lost cause. It's time for you to move on and let him work out his issues on his own. If he kills himself, sure it's sad, but oh well...
2006-11-07 05:42:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are making yourself a prisoner of this person. You are NOT responsible for their behavior and so should not subject yourself to their stupidity. If this person chooses to be an idiot, do not condone it. Do not take him/her back from here on. Move on with your life as God intended you to. If he decides to kill himself it would not be your fault; you cannot let guilt or this person dictate your life. Obviously he can't seem to end it with that person, and that person will forever be a third wheel in your relationship. Good luck.
2006-11-07 05:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by vanityspice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes dragging you down with him.
You have a life to lead and hes making you miserable. If you leave and God forbid, he does commit suicide, it certainly isnt your fault. What are you supposed to do? Tolerate this for the rest of your life? No. You need to get out of this.
2006-11-07 05:28:27 · answer #11 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋