Why would an over jealous and controlling husband of 23 years decide we should try swinging?

Question

We have been married 23 years and he is a very over jealous and controlling husband. All at once he thinks we should try the swinging life style. In the 23 years we have been married we had never been out to a club or dancing. We didn't drink or party at all. I am 40 years old and this is the first time he has ever mentioned going out, much less dancing and drinking.Yes, I enjoy having a few drinks, loosening up and dancing. It is just plain fun. However he watches over me like a hawk and he is the one that always becomes flirtaious with other. He wants and tries very, very hard to have the night end with us drunk and ultimately have sex with others if he is attracted to the woman (single or married or even Bi if I would agree) He is alright having sex with a married couple as long as he chooses the couple. What I am asking is, "Why is he wanting to involve others in our sex life, knowing I do not feel the same way. Why remain married????????????

Answer 1

You just anwser your own q.!Why stay married,apparently you don,t do it for him and he needs other woman to sadisfy him!He,s a Pig and _sswhole,I think you should leave he,s sorry -SS NOW!your better than that piece of -hit!Hollywood

Answer 2

Hi there. It sounds as if his desire to swing is mostly fueled by alchohol and his own impulses. In the reality of it, you are right, he IS a jealous person, and whether you swing or not, he will continue to be the way he is. How do you feel about swinging? In my opinion, I would say that it is a bad idea, and should remain a fantasy. A marriage is a sacred union between two people, and should not be opened up to others in that way. If he is pressuring you to be with others and you do not agree with it 100 percent, then ideally he would respect that. It sounds as if he has alot of insecurity, and has trouble finding happiness within himself, and this may be another attempt to make himself feel better. Do yourselves a favor and get into marriage couseling IMMMEDIATELY. If you already have tried that, try it again. If you are already IN it, then find another counselor. I am guessing that he may not be open to the idea of counseling, and with everything that is going on, I would suggest you INSIST on it. You have the right to be in a marriage where you do not feel as you alone are not enough to satisfy your husband, and if he cannot let this swinging idea go, you should consult a pastor or counselor yourself to help you make a further decision. My best to you. God bless.

Answer 3

I don't know you or him from Adam, but just in reading your question, it's pretty obvious that your relationship is strained. I see MANY red flags that tell me you and your husband have no business swinging right now. His jealousy coupled with one-sided flirting, the encouragement to get you drunk to coerce you into doing something he KNOWS you disagree with, his oblivion to the state of others' relationships (not caring what kind of relationship the other women are in, married and cheating or single), the lack of nurturing in your relationship and the lack of intimacy (never gone out on a date in 23 years?)...

My husband and I have experience with swinging, and we thoroughly enjoyed it, but we went into it very soberly and with much thought and planning. It's not something you should ever jump into if your relationship is in any way unsatisfactory, because it's those very insecurities that will explode. Then you will say that "swinging ruined my marriage", when in fact, it is within your power to keep your marriage from disintegrating right now...by telling your husband there is no WAY you would ever trust him to swing with you, the way things are between you now. If he threatens to leave or cheat on you, then that is just proof that he's not half the man he needs to be to deserve to be married to you. He needs to understand that he's toying with your marriage, your life, and your emotional well-being. This is no game; this is going to get more real than he's ready for...I guarantee you that.

Swinging can be fun and rewarding, but it's something that comes only after you've gotten bored with the hobby of "marital improvement". And that can take a loooong time.

Talk to your husband very firmly and directly. Know what you want, what you need, and what you will not stand for. DO NOT back down! You will only end up hating yourself and him for it, and your marriage will die a cruel and horrible death.

Answer 4

No idea what age your husband is but along with mid-life problems he is sure controling you or trying to.
This may sound a bit strange but I get the feeling he is trying to make you mad and jealous at the same time while he is in control.
If you have been with a controling person for 23 yrs. you must like it otherwise you would have gone for counseling or a divorce before now. Why anyone would put up with that is beyond me.
Take it from an older person (61) get a better life.

Answer 5

My opinion is he has been swinging onthe side already and is just know letting you know. Men don't make sucha drastic change that quickly, no one does. He has slowly been doing things and more than likely been doing three ways with other couples for quite some time. Now he is ready to pull you into the mix so things can get wilder.

Get him talking about it and ask him how he feels about 'doing things' witht he guy of the couple. Don't make it too obvious or too graphic - guague his reaaction that will tell you a lot.

Answer 6

If I had a controlling spouse I would get away from it. If it bothers you just say no and that he had better not either. He married you and not all other women, he agreed to foresake all of those. I am gay, but I would be turned off by your hubby. I have a partner and he likes to swing some. He plans the parties and invites others over.

Answer 7

swinging from what I understand swinging is about couples with MUTUAL interests in another couple, not just your husband wanting to get his freak on.
If your not into it, then don't do it. Basically he is finding females he wants to "do" and having you deal with their hubby so he can get what he wants out of it.
Swinging is NOT about him getting his rocks off by getting another woman in bed with him, it is a about swapping partners, yeap that means you too. It is also supposed to be consensual that again means you too.
Get a decent attorney, after documenting his actions. Divorce him, find some one who will appreciate you and your needs.

Answer 8

Wow this is familiar to me, my girlfriend went through this with her ex husband. She wasn't really into it and she would try it if she could be with a woman... He was a cheater and she determined this is a way he could clear his conscience. He was jealous because in his mind he knew how he thought. I guess he stopped trusting people because he couldn't trust himself. Swapping partners is not the answer to a shaky marriage, If you are not on the same page maybe it is over.

Answer 9

Clearly you shouldn't remain married, I can't imagine why you have for so long. The reason so many supposedly open marriages have failed is that the one pushing for "open" usually only wanted it for themselves, while expecting the other to stay faithful. It sounds to me like your husband's planning to use you as payment to the other husband for a shot as his wife. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Answer 10

Sounds like my x....he was jealous of me....always thinking I was with someone else....very controlling.....then I found out that he was the one the was out and about....it all began to make sense...he wanted an open relationship only bec he had been screwing around the entire 22 years we had been together...If I were you I would start to add things up....things will begin to make sense if you do....