Should I go back?

Question

I left my husband a little over a week ago and took my 2 young babies, the oldest is 16 month's and the youngest is 3 month's, with me to my dad's in Louisiana. He rarely helped me with them and he'd pick a fight with me every Friday night so he could go party. I don't go anywhere, I stay home and take care of my babies 24/7. Well, The day before I left he told me he was going to the store to get diapers and I didn't see or hear from him for 16 hours. I had no home phone and not enough gas in my truck to leave. I stayed home for 9 hours waiting and then went to find him. Where did he say he was? He said he went to his best friends house (Jerk) to drink, which is 45 minutes away from our house, my daughter had one diaper, and I had no money or cigarettes. He's begging me for another chance, but I told him I gave him enough chances. He makes decent money and he doesn't even pay the bills, when I want a job, he makes excuses why I shouldn't get one, but when we argue it's in my face.

I'm 20 years old.

He's 25, going on 12.

Thanks for the "Find a man that will treat you right" answers, but we all know there is no good man on this planet who want's a 20 year old woman with 2 kids.

I left him from Tennessee, by the way

Answer 1

I would not go back. If his priority is drinking at a buddies house instead of getting his child diapers, then he doesn't deserve to be a father. Obviously he wants to lives life like a single man. If that's ok with you, then go back to him. If you think you deserve better (which I happen to think you do), then don't go back. I'm not saying completely exclude him from your life, but don't go back until you have seen a true change in his life. And that will only be seen with time. In the meantime, focus on you and your children. If he changes great....and if he doesn't, great too! You have nothing to loose, he has everything to loose. Good luck!

Answer 2

Yeah, so you really screwed up. Now it is complicated. It is a little more involved that being sorry because you married an idiot. Now you have two children by the idiot (I assume). Just maybe, maybe, you and the children would be better off "IF" he would turn around and do right. You might explore that possibility. But I would by no means return to the same treatment. Work out the deal first-make him live up to your standards, and make him say it in front of witnesses. Then make him wait a while. If he really loves you-he will change. If you let him off the hook every time then he has no reason to change. I would stay with dad, and stay away from him until he makes it known that he will change from the very first day. Cut him NO slack in this deal.

Answer 3

I would think long and hard about this because the ones it will end up affecting are your kids. Do you want them to have him around as their father?? Is he a good influence for them? You now have an obligation to your kids and if he is putting himself first then he is wrong. From the day that you become a parent your responsibilities are to them. they did not chose to come into this world and you did not prevent it therefore you need to step up to the plate and so does he. But if he doesn't then you need to get him off your plate and move on with your kids. State assistance is not a bad thing, just don't stay on it forever and do something with yourself for your children. Don't listen to anyone else but yourself and think of your kids future.
He doesn't want oyu to get a job so that you can depend on hima nd so that he can control you in any way that he can.
You needed him to be there and he wasn't, so what's going to happen next time??
Stay in Louisiana and use the help that you are getting to get a job and get on your own two feet.
Good Luck

Answer 4

It's obvious that you aren't happy. You have to ask yourself if he is worth the drama. It sounds as though the home with your husband isn't ideal for raising two children since their needs come last on his priority list. I know leaving someone is hard. I had to make the same decision when I left my husband. The funny thing is I am so much happier and so are my kids. I'm doing things to better myself and finally got a divorce after being separated for five years. And guess what? He still hasn't changed. The world revolves around him and his needs. You have a lot of thinking to do!

Answer 5

Do not go back. This does not mean leave him. Stay with a girlfriend or family (not another guy). Tell him you will have him back when he starts to honour and respect you.

Leave the decision up to him. Let him decide if him playing the town is more important than a loving family.

If he does not change his ways, flick him. There is always another guy that would snap you up.
By the way, you'll be better for no cigarettes.

Answer 6

You're out of your freakin mind. Of COURSE there are men who will want a 20 year old, with or without kids. Get your act together girl!!

You've made an excellent start by leaving him. Don't go back to him - it would be a huge mistake. Look ahead, see what life can offer you. 20 is WAY too young to make major decisions right now. Just raise your kids and earn self-respect any way you can, because you're entitled to it.

Good luck - you can do this.

Answer 7

You did the right think to leave. You have got to be strong fot those babies. Children learn by example. Do you want your babies to grow up and think that life like that is normal??? You have made a huge first step. Lots of women stay for years and make excuses. Now you have to do what you feel in your heart is right. I would make him tow the line!!! Meaning her would show me just exactly how grown up and responsible he can be. You need a partner not another child to care for and he needs to be an equal not holding his job and money making ability over your head. Those are his children too and he needs to care for them also. He's capable and if he doesn't know how teach him!!! You made the right decision now he has to decide how much he loves you and your family and what is he willing to do for it!!!!!

Answer 8

Sounds like the typical married too young. I did this with my ex. He wants to still party (He's probably still in his 20-22 range) and you are ready to be a family, mom, responsible.

I can't speak for him, because I'm obviously not him, but I can tell you I didn't stop partying till at least 27-28. My ex actually put up with it for awhile but by the time I was through partying our marriaged was ruined. Divorced at 29 and now partied out :)

Decide for yourself if you can deal with the behavior, although he has promised it will end, it may not. To sum it, I would never suggest divorce. I think some people jump at it too quickly without trying to work at it, but do whats best for you and your children and their well being.

Answer 9

Let me just start off by saying the cigs have no bearing in your life at all!!!!!. Now I'll jump down from my "Ex-smokers" soap box and say this....your man is very selfish. Is all the aggravation worth it...if so what is "it". Your love for him? the fact that he's their father? Goodness doesn't sound like he's too worried about you or your children's' needs. All the BS aside, will your quality of life improve or get worse without him. In my experience I've never found that being with someone who didn't share the same goals in life to be beneficial to them or me.

Answer 10

First of all you need to get on some type of birth control so you don't have anymore kids. Leave that jerk where you left him, because you can do bad by yourself, you don't need some dead bet loser holding you back. I'm sure there are government programs that can help you get on your feet.(http://www.hud.gov/renting/,http://www.wicworks.ca.gov/.
But what is most important are you babies!
Good Luck!!!!!!!!