my fiance's friend is getting seperated with his wife and in my opinion it is his wifes fault 100%..without details on that how does he handle his kids not understanding whats going on and i know she talks bad about him too!! i feel so bad for him because he loves his family to death and things did not work out in marriage but the kids cry for him and when they come to visit him they cry when they leave him.. it is heart wrenching!! what can he say or do for them to make this transition easier for all involved?
2006-11-07 03:53:21 · 12 answers · asked by A Proud Marine's Daughter 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since they are too young to understand, I'd probably use the false excuse that he needs to be away for his employment. And obviously BOTH need NOT to be verbally UNKIND about and to each other! I know easier said then done. But they need to put aside their differences for their children. If they're unable to do that, somebody needs to get professsional help in doing so.
2006-11-07 04:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now the ages of the kids maybe actually easier. The 3 year old may not even have a clue with what is going on, but the 5 year old will. It's easiest to pretty much be as honest as possible with his children. State it in terms that they can understand. "Mommies and Daddy have decided that we just like living by ourselves. We love you both so very much...." If he needs help he may want to ask some questions of a child psychologist. They can give him great advice and even maybe advice on how he can help his children with feelings of abandonment.(this seems to be the number one feeling for that age group). Remind your friend that in the presence of the children he must never ever say anything negative about their mom. His words will impact them more now than if they were older. If anything keep any statements made about her as general as possible and short and sweet. For you friend I wish him luck. Any marriage with small children that break up is very sad.
2006-11-07 03:59:29 · answer #2 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of things in life that we will not understand. It is not wrong to tell them that Daddy moved somewhere else. He wont be coming home, but that they can see him or talk to him and then give them a time. Be consistent. If you say they can see him on Saturday, he needs to be there. They wont understand even if you tell them everything. Even when you think they do, or they seem to understand more than you think, they dont need to know. Just reassure them that you love them and do not talk badly about the other parent. Even though you cannot control what the other person says it's better not to badmouth the other party. Kids will learn not to listen to lies. They'll ask dad about what mom says, and he just needs to answer honestly.
2006-11-07 05:07:13 · answer #3 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is so concerned why doesn't he get custody of them both? And let the ex have visitation. It sounds like the ex is trying to keep sh*t stirred up by telling the kids awful things. Only immature and insecure people do these things. I would tell him to be honest and forward with them. They need to be told that just because mommy and daddy don't live together anymore doesn't mean that either on of them loves them any less. And he needs to make sure he stay in there lives. School projects, school plays, after school activities, holidays etc....
2006-11-07 04:14:30 · answer #4 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the kids that Daddy loves them, it's not their fault, Mommy and Daddy just can't live in peace. Secondly, a marriage is a two way street....it's not ALL her fault or ALL his fault. Although, I deal with my hubby's ex and she's worse than any witch you could meet....she tells their son to tell us that he hates us and that's just tip...But all he can do is reassure those kids that he loves them no matter what and that he will always be there for them.
2006-11-07 03:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by ReRe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 3 and 5 they aren't old enough to understand what is happening except that the world they knew is falling apart.Personally,I would tell my kids that mom and dad are going to be living in different houses,to make it easier on the transition, I would call every evening and tell them goodnite and I love them,I would ask my ex to refrain from badmouthing me in front of the kids,I would see them every chance I get,and I'd let them know that we are still a family and always will be.
2006-11-07 04:03:06 · answer #6 · answered by chanet_rogers 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the best thing to do is to explain what is going on like say me and daddy are going to live in seprate houses for a little while and take turns with them that way they dont feel like they're loosing a parent.
2006-11-07 07:10:04 · answer #7 · answered by L.E.17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be rude, but this is NOT your business. He can figure out how to tell his children in his own way since they are his children and he knows them. And remember you don't know the wife's side of the story. There are always 2 sides to every story!!
2006-11-07 04:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
honestly and this is not meant to be rude, but that is between the friend and the friend's wife, there is nothing you or your husband can do, because it is their lives and their children....they will have to figure out the separation on their own terms, because they are the ones directly involved
i am sorry for them, though
2006-11-07 04:04:18 · answer #9 · answered by BOOYAH 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell the kids that Mommy is an evil two-timing tramp.
2006-11-07 04:11:34 · answer #10 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋