Need Help With Marriage?

Question

My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years. She recently told me that she does not feel the same way she did when we got married, she said the love is gone, but I dont feel the same way. Any help on this would be great.

Answer 1

IF she can just "hang with it" for a while things will change........This is a very, very common feeling.........You guys have been together for three years.........That is a long time and I would like to think she has done some changing in that time..........But if she can just hang with it ........Something will happen and she will all of a sudden feel all gushy inside again.....It is just a (wonderful) phase of marriage........She will see you do something like play with your child or the dog or make her a meal or just cuddle and comfort her after a long day...........And she will look into your eyes and go "WOW!! I don't love him....What the heck was I thinking? I love this man with all my heart!" And her love will get deeper and deeper ever time this happens........LOVE in a marriage is constantly changing and evolving into more and more and more.....It is hard to explain to you but if your willing to hold on it just improves with time!

Answer 2

Lets be real. I'm not trying to sound like a ***** but...

Dazzling her isn't going to fix it. Sorry... it's deaper than that. I am on the other side of this story. My husband is now doing the dazzling stuff... it doesn't work. I think its nice of him, but I know it's fake and it's not going to last forever, eventually he will go back to being the way he always has been. So honestly, it annoys me sometimes. This may not be the case for your wife. Maybe it will be diffrent.

I don't know what to tell you though. Just talk with her and give it a little time. It may not be you, it's probably her, she might be drepressed or something. Or maybe she has found someone that treats her diffrently than how you treat her and her eyes and heart are with that person.

You need to talk to her and find out how she is feeling, and why she feels that way. She needs to be really honest with you, and you with her. The things are said might hurt. But if it's the truth, maybe you can work thru it.

Good luck! I wish you well!

Answer 3

Sit down with your wife and have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell her that you still love her and ask her what she thinks is missing from your marriage and what you can do to make things better. Unfortunately, there's a chance that she has let her heart get involved somewhere else; be prepared for that, but if not, focus on really loving your wife. Recognize that people feel love in different ways. The book "The Five Love Languages" talks about five ways people feel and express love: gift giving, acts of service, time spent together, physical touch and closeness, and words of encouragement. Which of these is most important to your wife for her to feel loved? Perhaps you are expressing your love in a way that is more meaningful to you than it is to her. Try some other ways of showing you love her.

Do you spend time together? My husband and I have been married for 21 years and still go out on a "date" every week. That has been very important to our marriage. We also go away for a weekend alone at least 2 or 3 times a year.

It could be that your wife is just depressed, and often people struggle with marriage right around 3 years. Maybe you two need to evaluate your marriage and make specific plans and goals for making it better. Consider going to a marriage retreat or a marriage counselor together.

If I could talk to your wife, I would tell her that feelings come and go. If you stick it out and really put energy and focus into your marriage, everything just keeps getting better--deeper and more meaningful than those first days of "feeling" totally overwhelmed by love. If she would just focus on doing acts of love, the feelings would return. Love is like every living thing. It dies with neglect, but with attention and care, it grows over time.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

Well does it have to do with your sex lives? if it is then think on
what you could be doing wrong. Make her happy by taking her
out every once in a while like you used to do when you first met.
Go have fun, don't just sit there like an old man. Surprise her
with flowers. Kick back at home watch some good movies. In
invite family and freinds over for a barbique. Enjoy each others
company, if you don't strick up a converstaion then of course the
relationship will turn sour. Take her out on a trip, spen quility
time together with no one else around. You don't have to go far.
We live in Fresno, CA. and we would take a one day trip to
Montery, CA. and we would be happy just to go spend a few hour
at the beach. Or we go to different beaches when we can and
is still happy for our little week-end get away. Maybe she still
feels like she wants more out of your marriage then just going
to work and comming home to do nothing. All you have to do
is spark up your relationship and have some fun. So start saving
up some money for a fun get away. You can either suprise her
or tell her about your plans. Good Luck Dude, you sound like a very nice young man. I hope she changes her mind on giving up
on your relationship. So get off the couch and pay more attention
to her, strick up a good conversation, don't keep her bord. If you
into football season see if she is willing to go to a sports bar
after all you do for her and she should do foryou.

Answer 5

Communication is key in every relationship. Sit down & talk with her. Find out why she feels things aren't the same & then ask if she's willing to work on it. One of the main things couples forget after the honeymoon is that a relationship means work. You have to work on it every day in order to maintain it. That way you catch things before they become problems. If she isn't willing to work things out, chances are it's over & no amount of love you feel will make her change her mind.
See, things begin to change after you've "caught" your bride. There's no more chasing involved. All of the things you once did, you probably don't do anymore. The reasoning is: What's the point? We're married, it's all good. Sorry to spoil that thought, but it's the chasing that some women like. They like for you to give them flowers, or take them out on dates, or to movies.. whatever you did before, I'm guessing you've stopped doing & that may be why she doesn't feel the love between you anymore. Never the less, sit down & talk with her to find out the reason behind it all. Perhaps you'll be able to save your marriage & bring it back around to where it should be. Be open & honest & don't just hear what she's saying ;) but actually listen to her.

Answer 6

Well you dont want to be chasing someone who doesn't want to be chased.

But seeing how you still have strong feelings, then this is what you gotta do, its gonna be tough but will work out in the end.

You just step back and give her space, seem distant from her, if she asked you questions or trys to talk sure listen but keep answers short and simple, keep busy so she can't spend any time with you. Tough love baby, sometimes you gotta do it to open there eyes. When she starts craving your attention play it off a little more then you dazzle her.

Set up a romantic dinner and rose pedals, you gotta have the rose pedals leading to the room the bed. I know it sounds cheezey but you want this to work right. Her love for you will start all over again, trust me:)

good luck

Answer 7

This is such a common problem in marriages today. I can only give you my insight and hope that it will help. Before marriage men pay alot of attetnion to their women then we marry start families and settle int o the game of life. All of the excitement is gone at this point and one day follows another. As females we all buy in to the "CINDERELLA THEORY". That is the happy ever after stuff. Now I do believe in happy ever after however there are going to be times we have to look for what makes us happy. Try spending some quality time with your wife (not just sex time). Remind her how attractive she is how much you love and laugh with her. That is my suggestion and hopefully you can fix this before it is to late.

Answer 8

Ask her WHY she feels the love is gone, and then ask her to make a list of the things that made her fall in love with you in the first place. There is a slight possibility there is someone else, but lets not go off the deep end....yet. The lists should get you both thinking clearer, and you'll know what to say from there.

Answer 9

I think after only three years your wife hasn't even begun to give your marriage a chance. I think that you both need to go to a marriage counselor to find out what is the root of this problem. Keep in mind every marriage has it's ups and downs, but it seems that in this day and age the disposable marriage seems to have become really popular. I wish you luck and hope that things work out to the best advantage for both of you. Remember Don't give up.

Answer 10

The love isn't gone, not really. It just needs to be rekindled. There is a book that I like very much that I would like you to go check out at your local library. Its called: The Five Love Languages. (web site referenced below)

The basic premise is this: In order to feel loved one's partner must do or say things that mean love to you.
The 5 languages are:
1. Praise. (words of affirmation)
2. Acts of service.
3. Physical touch.
4. Quality time.
5. Gifts.

My husband is: Praise and Physical Touch.
I am: Quality Time and Acts of Service.

So, in order to make sure my husband feels loved I give him praise. "Thank you for doing the dishes for me, I really appreciate it." and as simple as it sounds, "I love you." Since he rates physical touch as a way to show love, we cuddle on the couch when we tell each other about our day. (that way I get my fix on quality time.)

Its worth the read, and you've got everything to gain if you do.