We love each other but why?

Question

I have been in this relationship for over 7 year. We have 2 kids together also. We have talked numerous times about getting married. I have even started planning a wedding several times in the past 7 years also. But by the time I start getting everything together and ready to spending some money, things go down hill. We start fighting constantly and end up splitting up. We can fight about anything under the sun. From our sex life to how the toilet paper hangs from the roller. It doesn't matter what it is, we will fight about it. We love each other and care for each other a lot. But there is is so many issues that need to be resolved. We have both tried to change our ways, but it alwasy seems to end up the same way every time, in a fight. What should we do, just go ahead and get married, it is looking like we will be together forever anyway. Or just stay as partners and see where it goes. He wants to get married and so do I, I just don't want to be in an unhappy marriage. Please help me

I am reading where people have wrote just keep it the way it is and not worry about getting married. Well the issue there is that, I agree with you, but he doesn't. He says that if he is going to be with someone forever that he wants to get married. If there is no marriage in the future then he doesn't want to be with me.

Answer 1

You all ready know what to do, you answered your own question: "There are so many issues that need to be resolved." You both need to sit down & have a discussion about these issues. Get to the root of them in order to resolve them. Sometimes things can't be resolved & you have to live with them the way they are, because you are 2 different people & that's just a part of life. However these other issues you mentioned seem to be trivial, but why the fight? Counseling may be necessary to help you both over come obstacles in your relationship & perhaps see things from a different point of view. So before planning any more wedding things, get those issues under control first & foremost. It may take several months to get things ironed out, but in the long run you'll both be happier for doing so.

Answer 2

People say u should get married if u r living together like u r. but i think ur heart will know when it is time for marriage. marriage is a big step for everyone. so dont just do it because everyone else does it. if u r in love with each other the way things r y mess that up? Iam married and i wouldn`t change it but we did live together for a few years before we got married. there is nothing wrong with it and besides u have been doing it this long y change it? u both r getting cold feet when it gets close to the time for the wedding right? then if u both want to just do it then just elope dont plan anything. then after a few years go by u can plan a big wedding then. neither one of u will have a reason for cold feet then. g/f i hope u the best of luck!

Answer 3

Let me try to point out something to you. First off you guys are together and you say you don't want to be in a unhappy marriage. Well the only thing I see that is different from the relationship that you have and marriage is a piece of paper. That's it.Also in some states if you have been together so many years that state may already recognize your relationship as a marriage without the certificate. So my question to you is. Is this piece of paper going to make you both happy? Or is things going to be the same? It seems to me that the both of you really are trying it's just that you both have probably "alpha behavior". You both like to be in control. And each one of you is trying to "dominate" the other. What this means is you both have your opinions and you both feel that your opinion is the right one. It's going to cause conflict. I have to hand it to you though you guys still have stayed together and you both admit that you love each other.
And to make things that much more special you have two kids together. But have each of you ever once thought about how the two kids will react to all of the emotional fighting that you and your husband do?
I really think that you might want to try family counseling. They can come up with great idea on getting you two to talk together even about the things that make you go "grrrr" without yelling. I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 4

If the only times it gets really really bad is when you are getting ready to start getting all the stuff for the wedding, it could possibly just be stress. Planning weddings is VERY stressful and ALOT of couples go thru that. Not only are both people nervous and scared(even if you have no doubts about this is what you want), just planning and trying to make it perfect will get to you. You start noticing things that maybe didn't bother you before just because marriage is so final. If you want to get married and he does to, I say go for it. Just remember they are stressful and once the wedding happens you will be happy. Don't get caught up in trying to make it perfect as long as ya'll are sure and love each other the vows are all that matter. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Gene Simmons has been with Shannon Tweed for 27 years and they aren't married. In the past marriage was the uniting of two families thus creating allies during hard times. With the whole idea of the nuclear family and divorce there really is no point to get married. A man or woman can cheat if they are married or not it doesn't stop them. I would focus on your happiness and your happiness together and not worry about a wedding.

Answer 6

1st you need to make sure that your children are taken care and that if anything should happen between the 2 of you that your children will not have any problems. 2nd it obviously doens't matter if you are married, you can still share your life without being married. 3rd is the state that you live in a common law state, if so you may already be married. The only thing that you need to make sure of is that you are happy with this man, and not just surviving. Good luck

Answer 7

Some couples actually do better by not being married. Just knowing that they are free to leave can make them stay. I would keep the relationship exactly where it is. Depending on where you live, you may already be in a common law marriage anyway.

Answer 8

go away for the weekend on a mini holiday to somewhere where you can get married quickly ie Vegas. and do it on the spur of the moment. having lived together for so long you really don't need a big wedding and reception. when you get back you can can send out notification to all friends and family that you have done this. under the circumstances this is the easiest way to handle the situation.

Answer 9

If you both want to get married so badly then stop the B.S. and get your heads on straight and do it.

Also you both might wanna go and have a talk with someone about your relationship or talk with him about "why do we always fight right before were about to get married?"

He might say he has cold feet or he might say something you don't wanna hear. But, you have to figure this out now.

Either get married or Don't!

Answer 10

20-20 hindsight tip: Get married first, THEN have children. It never ceases to amaze me how many people start having kids before formalizing their relationship.