Help im going nuts not knowing?

Question

I dont know if this is even the appropriate forum to ask this in....

Last night I tried calling my fiance. Couldnt reach him for a few hours. It was an emergency so I needed to reach him asap. I knew he would prob be at the coffee shop studying so I drove to the coffee shop and thought I would catch him there. No big deal.
When I pull into the parking lot and as im walking past a restaraunt right beside the coffee shop I see him sitting there having dinner with a woman. So I walk in and confront him. Maybe I should have trusted him and not said anything and waited. But I couldnt help it.Come to find out he met a bunch of people from work because they just closed a big deal and they were all having dinner and they ended up being the last two to leave. This girl was his intern. I am completely humiliated. What would you women do? Would you believe him if hes never given you a reason to not trust before? I am so confused and hurt. I dont know what to think.

When I walked up to the table the first thing he said was "Hi Hunny" and introduced me. He didnt get defensive at all.

Answer 1

Looks like you owe him an apology.

Answer 2

Well it sounds like from your additional details that he was on the up and up. I would think that most women would have the same reaction given the same scenario but may not have confronted him right there.

You are to be commended for getting it out in the open right there and not waiting until later. Your ability to believe him would not have been the same.

Of course now you know that even your fiance has a different life than being with you. Just as you do from him. This will continue after your married so you must trust him. If he had another woman after asking you to marry him the closer the day came to your marriage the more nervous he would be.

If you never see that you are just fine. He loves and trust you so you must do the same for him.

Remember this: If you can trust you should never get married. Can you be fooled....of course we all can. But if you lack trust in him now, when you are married it will eat you alive.

Answer 3

If he has absolutely never given you a reason not to trust him before, you owe it to him to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he's doing nothing wrong, and you treat him like you don't trust him, it just gives him incentive to do it anyway. Sort of like "if I'm being blamed for it, I might as well do it anyway"

Having said that, instinct is a very clever thing sometimes. Are you absolutely sure he's never done anything to cause you to distrust him? If so, why do you feel doubtful now?

If it makes you feel better, spend a few minutes looking at the logical side and remove your emotions. Were they sitting at a table large enough for a big group? Does it make sense that they would go out for a group dinner or does it seem completely unlikely?

In the future, to save yourself humiliation, you should always act dignified and classy in public. Even if he is a lying scum, you're the one who looks like a fool by confronting him in a very public place. You'll feel better about yourself if you remain composed in public and you'll also be able to better communicate your issues, make more of an impact with your points, etc. if you are calm and collected.

edit: Just also wanted to add that it might be a good idea to have an agreement in the future that you both make each other aware of your plans in case you need to contact each other.

Answer 4

Way to go... jealous, mistrusting, blowup in front of work people.
Rest assured that they walked away from the experience of meeting you thinking " Whack Job". The fact that you are still questioning him after he introduced you and explained the situation shows you are ill prepared for marriage. You need to get out of high school relationship mode. How many times do you think you are going to face that situation in years of marriage?
If you can't trust him now its not going to get any better after the wedding. Figure out what this is really about soon or your marriage is doomed before you start.
What kind of emergency allowed you to start driving around looking for him?

There might be another thread here. Often when you have those family emergencies and can do nothing to help you get a bit frantic and start operating on instinct. Your worst fears can come to the surface and that's what you see and act on. This was probably just as he explained. You may be suffering from the " he was not there when I needed him" thing and feel a bit abandoned. Its easy to suppose he was up to no good when you feel that way. Try to get over it. Be mad at me if you want to.

Answer 5

I'll say this... Trust the guy if he's going to tell another girl that your his fiance.

First off, I doubt he was shocked when you walked up and the other girl didn't seem uncomfortable and she did say Hi and such right?

So, I'd say trust the guy but let him know that if you have an Emergency and need to call him to have his phone on or at least on vib so he can feel or hear when you call.. It would be good for both of you because if you got hurt and you needed to call him right away you don't won't voicemail picking up.

Just be careful and watch out... But, don't make it seem like he's out to hurt you. Get the fact straight first.. He might of told you what happened after work and you would of felt stupid for just jumping into something.

Answer 6

Hmmmmm, well, if it was truly nothing why didn't he have his cell phone on so you could reach him in an emergency. And was there evidence of other people having been at the table -- empty dishes or silverware, a large table with empty chairs, etc? And couldn't he have called you to let you know he would be having dinner with others that night? What if you had planned a surprise dinner for the 2 of you and he didn't show up? Perhaps I'm overly suspicious at times, but I smell a rat.

Answer 7

I don't buy his story. Here's why. First, his cell phone should've been available so you could've gotten through to him - it's obvious he wanted his own private time. I also think he took this "intern" to dinner - other people from the company may have been there, but they all should've left together - now it just looks like he was on a date and covering it up. He's married and in this second post, you mentioned she's married - so both of them shouldn't be staying at the restaurant later to talk - that is just inappropriate. I would be very wary of this - it sounds extremely not right.

Answer 8

from a man's perspective: the guy has asked you to marry him. That is a very big step for a man to take (trust me). You have to assume that he is serious about you and that just the fact that he was in the company of another female doesn't mean anything.
Pretend it never happened. You had a reason to find him and he had a reason to be there with this person. End of story. Enjoy the wedding!

Answer 9

Oh, this is an easy one. If he hasn't ever giving you a reason not to trust him, means that he does'nt cheat often or at all. So when you walked up to him and he said "Hi, Honey" w. out stuttering, standing up, getting big eyed, or explaining really fast, then there isnt anything to worry about. You can tell when someone has done something they weren't supposed to. He seems like a great man if he introduced you immediatly and called you "Honey" :)

Answer 10

Oh Yikes that brought back memories. I was there once but this was with my ex husband. He had also never done anything before and it was pretty much also the same type of sceniro. I had worked my self up into such a frazzle that when I saw him I stormed over to him opened up my mouth to say something sarcastic when I saw him with "that woman" and gee what do you know...he was all happy to see me and gave me a big hug and introduced me to the lady he was with....then introduced me to her husband who happened to be in the bathroom at the time I came storming into the restraunt like General Patton storming the Coast. God help me I don't think he had the slightest clue. Thank god...I lived with that for quite awhile before I got over it.
I think you need to believe him. First off...a man who is cheating or trying to be secretive isn't going to say Hi Hunney to you when he first sees you. He has never done anything to make you untrustworthy of him correct? So what happened to make you doubt him is what I want to know. Has he been working longer hours...maybe working late...are you not spending as much time together as you should? All of these little things actually can make one feel more insecure then untrustworthy. I am kinda of thinking that is what your issue is more than anything else. Your feeling maybe more insecure in your relationship which in turns makes you feel like he isn't happy. I really think more than anything that you need to do first and foremost is to apologize to him. Then sit down and talk. You both are going to have to. And don't be to surprised if he is feeling a bit negative after what happened in the restraunt. You are going to have to admit your fault in that, but more than anything you guys are going to really have to open up the communcation networks between the two of you. Talking is always good. Sorry partners in relationships don't have telepathy so if one is feeling a bit lonely the other won't know unless they tell them. Good luck to you and don't worry. Yes it happened to me to...yes it was embarressing ....but boy did I learn my lesson. It gets better.

Answer 11

You should have took his que. You didnt see him get defensive, shocked or scared at the sight of you.

Apologize and tell him that it was thew shock of you seeing him there with another woman, as innocent as it may have been, and the emergency that you had, that made you act like an a s s .