I am 28 Married Female who has been involved in an affair for the last year with an older man (54) who is in a committed relationship. Last night after the 2 of us had relations it hit me that I am a whore. I realize that I need to change my life big time.
I have been thinking about packing it all up and moving 1000 miles away so I could start over and get my life back. I just think that everyone around me would be better off without me, and I would be better off in an area where people don't know my history where I can start over.
Part of my awaking was do to the fact that some people from Temple found out about my relationship with my "boyfriend" I acknowledged it while he denied knowing me in a sexual way. My friends from Temple all think I am a crazy stalker, and so does everyone else. The Rabbi is of no help and I am not at all close with my family. Please advise.
2006-11-07 03:27:55 · 15 answers · asked by Laura F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My husband does know about the affair, and for financial reasons we cannot get divorced at this time. I have broken off the affair.
2006-11-07 03:39:45 · update #1
running away is always the easiest answer. to stand and face your consequences makes you a stronger, better person. everyone screws up, but it takes a lot of courage to face the consequences. what about your husband? does he know? if everyone else knows, it's better for him to hear it from you. if he'll never find out, don't tell them.
2006-11-07 03:31:55 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating on your husband doesn't make you a whore -- it makes you an adulteress. I know; it's not much of a distinction in the eyes of most people, but remember that David committed adultery with Bathsheba. God forgave David, so God will forgive you if you repent as well.
Running away isn't going to solve anything. Your problems will follow you whether you want them to or not. You'll still feel guilty and still feel like a whore if you leave, and you can't be 100% sure that these "new friends" you would meet 1,000 miles away wouldn't find out the truth about you.
First off, I would advise you to cut all ties with your older boyfriend. Next, you need to figure out why you got involved with him in the first place (READ: You need to figure out what's wrong with your marriage). It's time for you to do some soul-searching here, and if you need help figuring out what the heck is going on or how you ended up in this mess you find yourself in, talk to a therapist or a counselor or a psychiatrist. This is going to be rough because you'll have to take responsibility for your actions and accept any consequences that come as a result, but if you face your problems head-on you'll be stronger and a better person when you get through this.
You can't run forever -- your past will always catch up with you one way or another. Even if you could make a new start without anyone knowing about your past you'll probably end up suffering from depression, and there's a very good chance that you'll end up having more affairs (and that would REALLY make you a whore).
Don't run. Be strong. You can't take away anything that happened yesterday or the day before, but you can change who and what you are today for tomorrow and the future. You can do it, and there are people who can help you if you need it. You said yourself you need to make a change -- that's the first step. Now take the next step and get started on making that change.
I wish you the best.
2006-11-07 11:42:40 · answer #2 · answered by sarge927 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to move away, if I were you I would find a new temple and get away from the guy you are cheating with. Sure you screwed up, but it's not like you killed someone. You cheated, and now you realize you made a mistake and it is time to quit making mistakes and learn from it. Walk away from the guy and start trying to make things right with your husband. Screw what everyone else thinks, sooner or later something else will come along and your situation will be put on the back burner and forgotten about. Everyone makes mistakes, some more public than others, but you need to face up to what you have done with your head held high and a better understanding of where you want to be in life. I myself have screwed up in the past, in a public way, and you know what - life goes on. I quit making mistakes, and sure it was hard for a while, but you just have to take it one day at a time. Next time some nosey person wants to talk with you about the situation, tell them bluntly it is none of their business (I don't care if they are a priest or someone you know - keep your personal life personal from this point on!!!!!!). Yes you messed up, but your life can be salvaged and there is no reason to run from your problems. Running from them will just make it harder for you in the long run - trust me!!!!
2006-11-07 11:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by Michaela 4120 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not think of yourself in this way, it just sounds as if you were searching for love and affection from another as you were not receiving what you needed from your husband. Just because a group of people have all ganged up and concluded it is you and you alone who is at fault does not make them right. This man is nearly twice your age and should know better, but he has gone hiding amongst his social group blaming you for everything. Who cares what these people think, don't waste another second thinking about what they're thinking. It definitely sounds as if a fresh start would be good for you, any chance of you fixing the damage with your husband? Either way, you're going to have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and try to improve life for yourself. This may mean leaving the temple/area, so what, it hasn't brought you happiness so far has it? Best of luck sweetie, and to hell with those back stabbers and cowards, prove them all wrong, go make something for yourself x.
2006-11-07 11:37:58 · answer #4 · answered by mizzsquitz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're beating yourself up pretty badly. You may not need to SO MUCH, in order to make a life changing decision.
Moving away may be an option but it won't change what you did. You still have to deal with that whether you're in the USA or CHINA.
People will judge you but their judements are not as important as your own judgements of yourself. Accepting yourself for who you are will be your greatest gift. There's always a reason for infedelity find out what yours is. Your actions doesn't mean that's who you are, it could be response from something else.
I'm a cheater too, but I've come to terms with that and I realized I'm not a cheater. I was just in an unfortunate situation where my judgements weren't very good. in other wordds I made a mistake, but I learned from it and am doing far better because of it.
Just find out what it is is, it will give you your power back.
2006-11-07 11:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by adrian_biccum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, age is not an issue, and you could easily date men of any age. The fact that he is already involved in a relationship is the problem, because he is cheating on his significant other and you risk breaking up the relationship for your own indulgence. Moving away is not the solution; getting your life on track is. You need to stop this relationship, take a look at your life from a different prespective, and move on. There are other relationships to be had, but don't escape your problems... face them. Every problem has a solution; finding it is always the task and many times it is easier said than done. Godd luck to you sweetie.
2006-11-07 11:35:06 · answer #6 · answered by joe d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have taken a step in the right direction by admitting your affair and committing to end it. Have you confessed to your husband? If not you need to do so in order to make yourself whole. Explain to him what led you to have the affair and if he is willing to forgive you and you are sure that you can be faithful to him then try to start over with him. Running 1000 miles away does not solve the problem. The only way to make it go away is deal with it head on. It does not matter what others think of you....you have to make right on your decietfullness and make peace with yourself...good luck.
2006-11-07 11:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Stacy H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you leave or not a new scene will not change anything until you change...You can move away and end up making the same mistake over and over again and keep running. By you running won't change anything. If you work through this mess that has been created you will come out a better person...But if you run you're still going to have to deal with....Guess who????........"YOU"........ It's going to take time and it's going to be very hard, but don't run b/c it will delay the healing process.....
2006-11-07 15:55:25 · answer #8 · answered by unknown 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being the other women is a sad place to be. You are hurting so many others including yourself. Get some self respect and find a new life, You deserve to be happy, rarely does the other women get the man she is having the affair with. If you did end up with him could you ever trust him?
2006-11-07 11:39:36 · answer #9 · answered by dettie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that running is an answer, I think you should call off the affair. Then think to yourself that if that were you and she was the mistress doing that too you. I think you should start over and think positive you know you made a mistake and that is a start. Now just try to live life for yourself.
2006-11-07 11:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
leaving and starting over sounds like a good idea. in a few years, with some distance and perspective, family and friends may come around and see your side of what's happened.
best of luck to you, as a life-altering change of this sort is never easy.
you deserve better than the life you've let yourself live. It's time for you to break that cycle
2006-11-07 11:31:20 · answer #11 · answered by Heath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋