My partner left because I said harsh things in a depressed breakdown.. We had lived together for many years and been very happy - that's why my outburst was such a shock to her (it was to me). She says she loves and misses me but can't come back because I hurt her so badly that she can't trust me. I'm hoping that in time trust will build - we meet regularly and enjoy that. She has rented a flat and has a busy life, is coping with her job etc. From the outside so am I.
Two close friends say "Forget her - if she left she can't love you, whatever she says". But I do want to try to win her back, even if it takes time. Please advise me if you can.
2006-11-07 03:15:48 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Assuming that the relationship was good up to this point I would think that it is worth saving. Trust is easliy lost in this type of situation. Your job is to regain the trust. This can only be done by actions and consistency. Think of how she became interested in you at the beginning. Go back a few steps and do the things you did then and see where it goes. Don't push the issue. If it is going to survive, it will happen naturally.
2006-11-07 03:21:13 · answer #1 · answered by Letsee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can me a romantic--seriously, I am a realist, but I think if you have really spent many years together and had been happy, and been going through depression and a breakdown, there is some hope!
The 'trust' issue is a concern because we don't know what that means....so, did you cheat on her? If you did, that is a serious blow and will definitely take some patience and perseverance--but it can be done. Keep doing what you are doing. Prove to her that you want her forgiveness and are willing to give her the time she needs to see that you are remorseful and want her back. Perhaps you can find information on depression that you can mail to her or discuss over one of your meetings that will help her understand that you were not yourself, anyway, hang in there. If she really loves you and wants to work it out, she will come around...I guess you can ask her after some time, if she thinks that she can forgive you and give you another chance. Moving out after many years together implies something serious happened,so much so that she just can't get over it so be prepared. Good luck.
2006-11-07 11:29:41 · answer #2 · answered by Nisey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you had a depressed breakdown. What caused this to happen? If it was because of your relationship, then this means "trouble". When love is real between too people that's the last thing that should happen. You must of said some very bad things for her to move out. Or was she planning on it anyways? Be careful, sometimes we hold onto a relationship when it can be bad for us in the long run. There shouldn't be nasty things said at all, if you really do love each other. What is really behind all of this? Listen to your inner thoughts on what will be the kind of future you would like to end up living. Hope this helps! Cocoa
2006-11-07 11:29:54 · answer #3 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my friend, you really screwed up on this one. There's always hope though. If she loves you and has been with you this long she must have some deep rooted feeling for you. I don't know what you said or did, you didn't get physical or threatened her did you, if then forget it.
If it was just words then there's hope, she should understand that everyone has a breaking point. Whatever happen to bring you to this? something she did? had to be something serious. Maybe you both need some consoling if it was that bad otherwise, maybe you should just let it cool down for a time and maybe after a time, it'll bring things together again. Hopefully, good luck.
2006-11-07 11:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She left for a stupid reason. That is no reason to walk out the door. My husband has had the occasional outburst and we get into an argument and i go to the bedroom and he stays in the livingroom. If she said she loved you then why isnt she with you. Shouldnt you ask her if this was an excuse to get out of the house? Love is through thick and thin and it seems when it got thin she just fell through.
2006-11-07 11:26:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing would be to move on. You obviously have some issues that you need to smooth out in your life and being in a relationship is NOT a good idea. Your friends are right! Listen to them and let this girl go - you've hurt her enough already.
2006-11-07 11:17:27 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact is there is no guarantee that she will ever be able to trust you. What you need to do is talk to her and ask her if she ever believes that she can trust you again. If she says no then you need to respect that and move on and find someone else. If she says yes, then you have to decide if you are willing to put in the time and effort with no guarantee that it will happen.
2006-11-07 11:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to be in couples counseling - she needs to get help with the hurt and you need to learn to help her. You need to figure out what caused the outburst and how to prevent such behaviours in the future. There's definitely hope for this relationship! God bless you both. ~Nise~
2006-11-07 11:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by newfsdrool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are friend keep like that and dont try to win her back .. I been there myself and we are still friends but we do have a kid together too so . If u do love her let time do the work
2006-11-07 11:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by nightsky1331 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She left because of something you said, not because she is bad for you. she is saying that she wants to come back, but she's treading carefully and she's looking for reassurance from you. have you ever had an outburst like that before? was it her that caused it? think about these things so you can avoid them.
2006-11-07 11:20:00 · answer #10 · answered by purple_butterflyuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋