I Love him, and do not, and cannot leave. I just try to walk away. How can I help him with his problem. He rarely tries to get help or realize that he needs it.
2006-11-07 03:03:42 · 40 answers · asked by bearlady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THIS WILL NOT GET BETTER. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. You have taught him that this is okay. You need to now teach him that it is not. He cannot have you in his life if he is going to do this. You need to leave. Maybe you leaving will teach him a lesson. STOP BEING A DOORMAT. You don't love him, you love who you know he could be, but he's not that man. WAKE UP.
2006-11-07 03:16:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all I think it is not only his problem but also your problem. And you didn't say if you have children, and I assume that you have, and that you really love your husband and want the situation to become better.
It is always easy to leave a husband when there are such problems, but considering the benefits of all the family, I think you must be the strong person of the family and make the right decisions.
Take the family to family counselor. Ask him to join the family in this therapy. Never blame him for this situation (maybe he has problems at work or other problems that can be solved).
If he does not accept, then start alone with the therapy, he will join you afterwards when he realizes that it costs money.
Don't give up easily and try to find the best solution for the family.
And take into account that although after this therapy you will decide to break the relationship, you will be in a much better and healthier situation to resist the divorce process.
I hope for you that the rage problem of your husband is not a disease and can be solved. In any case the counselor will help you (you alone an/or with your husband) find a solution and maybe also he will advice you a divorce.
GOOD LUCK
2006-11-07 04:05:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He must come to understand that the anger he has is over the top and needs to attend anger management classes.
How you get him there is difficult. It may come down to you leaving him and not coming back until he does.
You have to know that sooner or later he will hurt you and hurt you bad. His frustration or anger will not go away by itself and may only get worse the longer your together.
There are a lot of reasons why he is this way. It can go all the way back to childhood or the feeling he has no power over his life right now.
You are so right to not fight with him when he is like this. If you did he may very well be much worse.
You have to realize however that you cannot help him yourself. You could be what he perceives as part of his problem. And you can better believe when he does get angry at you he sees you as the reason, even though you may have nothing to do with it.
Make him get help or you must leave. For your own safety.
2006-11-07 03:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I spent five years in an abusive marriage, and although my love for him was great I eventually had to leave him. If violence exists in a relationship its not going to disappear unless your husband realizes he has an anger problem. Although I know you want to do everything to change things and stay in the relationship, He is going to need PROFESSIONAL help. You could try a marriage councilor and he an anger management course. If, Like my ex husband he refuses to see that there is a problem, the only suggestion I can give you is to leave him. This problem will not go away on faith and love alone, if anything it will make things worse. Good Luck
2006-11-07 03:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by onthebus2002 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My ex broke up with me by calling the cops and saying that I hit her. I NEVER ONCE LAID A HAND ON HER! Anyways, I was ordered to go to domestic abuse classes and found that I really did learn some things in it. There are so many types of abuse that people don't usually recognize. Verbal, physical, emotional, etc. It really was worth my time even though I didn't do anything to be ordered to go to it. I would really try to get him to do that. There are even couples classes that are offered, at least in my county. I would suggest that because if you really love him and don't want to leave, that might be a good thing to try. Hope that helps.
2006-11-07 03:18:03 · answer #5 · answered by dbreds7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you cant help him second he needs to understand that he has a problem and he needs to be the one that needs to seek help for it. Sometimes you need to leave a situation to help someone fully understand the effects it has on you. I think you need to give him some tough love. He needs to be the one to want to do it and if there is no motive then whats the purpose. He obviously doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior and probably wont until he can really think about things and about how much his abuse effects you. You don't have to leave but I do recommend a trial separation until he seeks out counseling and gets to the core of his anger.
2006-11-07 03:08:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have two options leave him, or stay and deal with it. If he does not acknowledge that he has a problem all of your love is not going to change him. Just as with a person who suffers from an addiction to drugs and or alcohol. I wish you the best of luck. You could speak to him about getting some counseling and or anger management classes. There is something that has got him so uptight and feeling that it is ok to be abusive. God bless
2006-11-07 03:07:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my bf almost. He is not physically abusive but has a very bad rage problem. I think he needs to go and get put on medication. We have a lot less fights and he doesn't yell so much when he's on meds.
2006-11-07 03:06:25 · answer #8 · answered by hot like me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him and know you can't leave him then start going to family counseling maybe. You said he probably doesn't realize he needs help, so I'm guessing he probably won't want to go see a psychiatrist. If that happens tell him you think it would be a fun activity 4 the family and you want to deal with some of your own problems. he might listen a little better then.
2006-11-07 03:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by smileymileycooper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean "cannot leave"? Does he have you chained up inside the house and you can't leave. That bullcrap, no one has the right to yell at you and abuse you, not without your conscent. If he loves you he wouldn't be doing that. If you so desperately want to stay with him try couples counseling, or anger management. Inform him that you are not the enemy, you are not someone who will hurt him, so there is no reason for him to be abusing you.
Good God woman, being married doesn't give him the right to treat you like crap.
2006-11-07 03:08:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a huge problem. Do you really enjoy getting beaten up and called names or yelled at? This is horrible! Have you considered just seperating for a while? Your husband needs help. I would consider taking him to anger managment, or to go see a counselor so he can at least establish that he does have a problem, and does need help. You have to do something though because if this goes unhelped, your in a world of hurt. Good luck.
2006-11-07 03:06:12 · answer #11 · answered by Ricki M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋