We divorced back in May and he disappeared from our lives to go back to Tn. He only calls every once in a while, doesnt pay child support, and has recently been arrested for 4th offense dwi. I dont want to sever all contact from my kids with their dad but he is totally irresponsible and Im not sure what I should do. going after him in court is pointless because he dosent half work and even then its off the books. I just feel like its so unfair for me to have to work so hard and he always looks like a victim to the kids because hes got it so hard. Do you think I should try to get him to help more or just cut my losses and try to limit the contact he has with us? I wonder if him being around would be more harm than good.
2006-11-07 02:59:06 · 12 answers · asked by jenkins_nichole 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, in all honesty, if he has moved away, I don't assume you will have to deal with him seeing the kids that much. However, your children do deserve to know their father and you deserve some child support to help with the kids. Don't feel sorry for him because he isn't working or working under the table. Take him to court and get a child support judgement against him, your children deserve that much from him. If he is drinking alot, I don't think any judge will force visitation to someone like him because it is not safe for the children, unless it is supervised. But regardless of no visitation, he will still have to pay you child support.........good luck honey........I hope it all works out for you and your children
2006-11-07 03:10:25 · answer #1 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your instincts. Some people will say, "Keep dad in the picture, no matter what." but sometimes, in the reality of things, the dad is the last thing you want your kids to model themselves after.
Don't help him. He's a big boy now and there is a reason he is your ex.
You know him better than anyone on YQ&A. If you feel that his time with the kids is counterproductive to their emotional well-being (and be honest with yourself. Don't just cut things short just because you don't like him. Really look at the situation and see if his contact with the kids is harming them) then yes. Cut your losses and limit contact. I suggest you find a lawyer to protect yourself so he doesn't come out of the woodwork, suddenly making you look like the bad parent, keeping him from his kids.
2006-11-07 03:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my ex husband years back and raised our two children alone. He was irresponsible when it came to support or regular visitation when it came to the kids. Yes I put him in jail for non support but that didn't do much good when it came to receiving monies from him. He would quit jobs so he wouldn't have to pay etc. It all comes down to being a DEAD BEAT DAD, You can't get blood from a stone, so you might as well carry on the best you can. When the children grow up, they will realize who cared about them and supported them through hard times. You need to have piece of mind now and move on to a better life. Far as your ex goes, he isn't to bright when it comes to being arrested for DWI. What kind of example is this setting for the children involved! Keep him out of the whole picture as much as possible. Better for the children! Cocoa
2006-11-07 03:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to court.... He helped bring those children into this world he should support them. If he doesn't pay take him back to court again and again and again. Eventually he will go to jail and seeing that he obviously has a drinking problem he will get the help he need while in jail. Could be the best thing you ever do for him and your kids... making him get real and sober!
2006-11-07 03:08:49 · answer #4 · answered by shughes2000_2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the man has money to buy alcohol.Then he has money to pay child support..He is a victim of his own choices.You should choose to do. What is right by your children? You should ask that he pay his child support on time , allow him to have supervised visitation with the children .Keeping them from their father will only cause them to resent you in the end.Your number one priority should always be the welfare of your children.What is in the best interest of the children.?Hope this helps.
2006-11-07 03:33:02 · answer #5 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its of no use running behind the illusions. Cut all the contacts and try to live a happy life and you may search for some sincere relationship.
2006-11-07 03:24:02 · answer #6 · answered by Paassion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go after him you didn't have those babies by your self, and you shouldn't have to raise them alone . Make him have responsibilities . And then maybe he will grow up,and not have so much money to party on and stay out of trouble before he drinks drives and kills someone else's kids.And if he is drinking limit the contact.The kids will know the differance when they grow up.
2006-11-07 03:13:33 · answer #7 · answered by martha g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until he gets his act together tell him he can't see his kids if he cares enough he will get a job pay child support and stop drinking and driving. Good luck.
2006-11-07 03:02:30 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to court. Who cares if he doesn't have a job? The judge will force him to have a job. Stop feeling sorry for him and start feeling sorry for yourself. He's a man and it's about time he starts acting like one.
2006-11-07 03:02:08 · answer #9 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T STOP HIM FROM SEEING HIS CHILDREN BUT PUT A LIMIT TO HIM. TELL THE JUDGE THAT THE HE NEED SUPERVISED VISITATION BECAUSE THE CHILDREN LIVES ARE IN DANGER WHEN THEY ARE WITH HIM. TRY TO KEEP BUSY WITH THE KIDS. GET AWAY WHEN YOU CAN SO THAT HE CAN'T COME SEE THEM BECAUSE YOU AND THE KIDS WON'T BE HOME.
2006-11-07 03:12:16 · answer #10 · answered by PRECIANA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋