Help....please?

Question

I dont know if this is even the appropriate forum to ask this in....

Last night I tried calling my fiance. Couldnt reach him for a few hours. It was an emergency so I needed to reach him asap. I knew he would prob be at the coffee shop studying so I drove to the coffee shop and thought I would catch him there. No big deal.

When I pull into the parking lot and as im walking past a restaraunt right beside the coffee shop I see him sitting there having dinner with a woman.

So I walk in and confront him. Maybe I should have trusted him and not said anything and waited. But I couldnt help it.

Come to find out he met a bunch of people from work because they just closed a big deal and they were all having dinner and they ended up being the last two to leave. This girl was his intern. I am completely humiliated.

What would you women do? Would you believe him if hes never given you a reason to not trust before? I am so confused and hurt. I dont know what to think.

I forgot to mention. His intern is married. He didnt get defensive or anything. He asked me if he could come stay with me and I ended up staying at his house. He told me he understood and loved me and didnt want anyone else.
So I dont mean to make him sound like a dog. I just need some nice non biast advice

Answer 1

Non-bias advice. Be thankful he understood. You now know the reason why he didn't answer the call. You must learn to trust if you want to be trusted. "Go Figure!" Next time don't just to conclusions!!

Answer 2

My opinion would be this, first of all if there was an emergency and you needed to get a hold of him, and he has a cell phone , what was his excuse for not answering, is he guilty for being there with this person? if he is NOT than answer the phone.. tell him how you feel what it feels like to sit there and wait , it feels like crap!! I know been there!! the not knowing it sucks even if you trust him. does he do this often NOT answer the phone? I used to tell my other half if you have a phone and we are paying for it to be on and there is nothing wrong with it, why are you not answering it?? I turned it around and did not answer my phone.. he did NOT like that at all.. I really think if you are worried in any way it is time to ask before you two get married, you don't want to be wondering all the time.. sounds like you were really worried.. and I can relate to this very much.. I know my other half will go out sometimes after work but, communication should be there and why the heck were you not invited..?? and if you are not able to communicate this with him be able to really talk to him be honest with your feelings about how things like that make you feel there will be problems in your marriage .. I am not trying to be mean, but, take it from me been there done that.. tell him why you went in the restaruant, because you care, because he did not answer the phone, made you feel um bad right.. then yousee him with someone else, my question would be again why the heck were you NOT invited?? tell him please.. for your own sake.. Sounds like you really Love him.. to go in like that and do what you did and do not feel bad about that ok. alright I am done.. I hope even in some little way my babbling on will help.. take care and I wish you the best.. you should have been invited out also..

Answer 3

Ok, well you have reason to be humiliated, but all you can do is admit that you were wrong and apologize to him for it.

If you have no reason to not trust him, then I think you probably were much to quick to jump to conclusions, however, why didn't he let you know he was going to dinner with co-workers?? Were they sitting at a large table? Did it appear that others had been there?

Have you had suspicions that he could be cheating?

If you feel like you were wrong, you need to apologize. Offer to apologize to his intern as well, but don't do that without him saying it is ok.
We all make mistakes, and he should understand that if he loves you! You can't take back what happened, all you can do is make it up to him.

P.S. Next time wait outside the restaurant for them to leave and see if they leave together! You need proof before the confrontation!! No man is above cheating!

Answer 4

Yes, you should trust him. You are embarrassed? Imagine how your fiance felt when you barged in on his dinner with a colleague? I guarantee you the story is all over his office. It is quite probable that many of his co-workers have lost a tremendous amount of respect for him. If he has given you no reason to mistrust him, why do you do it. You cannot get married without trust. You should be begging him for forgiveness. What you did was not only wrong, it could be detrimental to his career. He should not have to worry about you freaking out and embarrassing him every time he talks to someone of the opposite sex, especially his subordinate.

Answer 5

I would definitely give him the benefit of the doubt if I've never doubted him before. However, I would also be on guard a little more and watch his actions. Just make sure youre not acting like you dont trust him. And if you ever find yourself in this situation again, just walk up and introduce yourself like nothing's wrong. If he starts acting weird or nervous, then you might have a reason to be suspicious. If he acts normal, it's probably nothing. Hope it works out.

Answer 6

If he hasnt given you a reason not to trust you then believe him if its in your heart. There are also questions to be asked why didnt he call you and say what was going on? Shouldnt he have been happy his company closed a deal i know my husband wouldnt be able to keep his mouth shut about it. Why didnt he answer his phone? Could he not hear it or did he not want to pick it up?

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you're feeling a little insecure about yourself and that seeing him with another girl just kicked in your insecurities. I think that if you are willing to marry this guy, you should be understanding if he's busy and can't take your phone call. That said, he should answer his phone if you call him repeatedly and you should really talk to him about that. If it's an emergency you should fel able to reach him in any situation and the same goes for him reaching you. Just sit him down and tell him you're feeling really inscure about yourself and you need his help right now and you don't want to bring him down but you love him and you aren't feeling so hot about yourself. I think you'll realize the times when you are much more stable with yourself, you aren't as worried about what he's doing and who he's with. Apologize and then ask him for help. It sounds stupid but it'll really help you and it might make your relatioship stronger.

Answer 8

You were a little hasty in your reaction, you could have found out more by going in and sitting down. However, what is done is done, if you believe his story, then you need to apologize to him and his intern. And then just forget about it. As a female, she will understand most females over react at least once in their life time. However, you need to examine yourself why are you feeling so non-trusting of him. Good luck and God bless

Answer 9

Well if you really love a person you have to trust them. Plus if he was just having dinner then you shouldn't worry. Worry when you see him kissing another girl. If you show him that any little thing can make u jealous he's going to end up leaving you. Try to trust him a little more and apologize for blowing things out of proportion. Try to control your jealousy...and let him explain himself before judging him.

Answer 10

Apologize to him and her. But be cautious reasonable explanations are easy to come up with. Just don't create a problem and become jealous but don't be an idiot either. There is a fine line to walk here but don't turn a blind eye. If this happens again then perhaps there is a problem.