Do women get midlife crisis?

Question

My wife started obsessing over her 37th birthday as if that was a significant date. She radically changed a couple months before and the months since her birthday. She started using pot - against my wishes and principles. I caught her cheating - her response "don't ruin this for me". She continues to use the pot and cheat with various guys some in 3-ways. She at one point said that this(pot, cheating) was just for a short while. Now she says she wants just an open marriage because she likes F'n around.
She is doing sex acts with these guys that I will not do. I will not do a 3 way with her and another guy, as she recently asked me to do. I am not into anal sex which is one of the things she is doing with these guys.
Is this just a midlife crisis that she will get over soon? Or is she now into other things and will not go back to how things were?

I do love her. Yes we did have problems in the bedroom. She had always been the prude in the bedroom!

Yes one of the big hangups for her was that she felt totally unatractive and undesirable. Once she started cheating she lost about 25 lbs, dyed her hair and changed her hairstyle. She trimmed her pubic area, shaved her legs etc. Started dressing nice all the time.
We married when she was 19 and she had only been with two other guys.

Answer 1

You may of loved who she was, but do you love who she is now?
A midlife crisis is no excuse for anyone to do hurt people.
Is she hurting you?
Are you able to forgive?
People change every day and sometimes not for the better.
I recommend to think if you are truly willing to live the with the way things are.

She is living her life the way she wants to.
You need to live your life the way you want to.
If its together great.
If its not that's okay too.

I would take a weekend by yourself and think about it.

Answer 2

I don't believe in mid-life crises. I think that's an excuse when you are bored with your life...which can happen at any time. If we feel we've missed out on something emotionally, or physically, some people act out. Most people just find a new hobby, go to marriage counseling, do volunteer work, or find another outlet to make themselves feel better about their lives. It seems like your wife is into drugs and that may be why her behavior is so bad. She also may have a medical problem (like a brain tumor?). One thing for sure...you cannot tolerate this behavior. She's likely to pick up an STD or get herself in bad trouble. I wouldn't expect her to get over this without some kind of intervention or help. As her husband, you need to get her some help, if you can. If she won't listen to you, maybe she'll listen to her parents, sisters, friends, etc. Take her to a doctor, if she'll go. If you can't get her some help, I'd divorce her. She's heading down a very dangerous road.

Answer 3

Why would a woman be any less likely to have a midlife crisis than a man (apart from the reality that women are usually more inclined to sublimate/forget their anger or unhappiness than men are)?

Basically, your wife is not happy with her life as it stands now, and she's looking for things that will make her happy. Whether or not you two can work this out depends largely on the cause of her underlying unhappiness and what you can and/or are willing to do to help alleviate it.

Is she feeling/looking older? Has she put on weight? She may be looking for reassurance that she's still attractive. If you love her, it won't be difficult for you to try to convince her of this (if she's really doubting herself, she might not buy it, but you can try).

Did you marry when she was young? Did she not have many partners prior to marrying you? If she's not happy with you, she's basically comparing you to who else is out there. Ouch. If you're not suited to each other, I don't know what you can do to keep her from finding somebody else who does suit her needs better.

You should probably try marital counseling if she's willing to go, but it sounds a lot like she's enjoying what she's doing now and might not be willing to go. The biggest problem I see here is your wife's complete lack of respect for your feelings. Once that respect is lost (or if it never existed), you are in pretty deep trouble.

Good luck!

(P.S. If you knew all this before her midlife crisis began, you should have tried to do something about it before she started sleeping with other men. This is one case where an ounce of prevention would have been better than a pound of cure! I don't know if you'll be able to put this genie back in the bottle now that it's out...)

Answer 4

I would think you were my husband if not for the fact that I actually just had my 38th Birthday.....Whoot Hoot!
I can tell you I have recently brought up many, many of these things with my husband.....And he is NOT into many of them.....I tried....I asked.....not much more I can do......I can tell you at 38 I have changed ALOT!!!! I am now fully aware of EXACTLY how a 18 year old boy feels.........The hormones are going absolutely CRAZY......And I think I am at a point in my life that I am afraid if I don't do it now I may never be able to do it.....I don't want to come to the end of my life and have any regrets or be thinking about any of the "what if's!"
You should be happy your wife came to you with those thoughts and feelings..........It is really too bad you won't at least TRY some of them......I think it would be FUN!
I know life is not all about FUN especially at this age but wouldn't it be nice to have some FUN ever now and then.....I don't know when this will end but I am sure as they say "ALL good things come to an end!"
Don't let this end your marriage unless you are sure that is what you want.......

Answer 5

The premise of an open marriage is that both partners agree and are comfortable with having it - by posting this, you obviously are not ok with it.

The only thing you can do at this point is to sit down and talk with her. If she is open to it, perhaps you need to see a marriage counselor.

Women do have midlife crisis, but usually not to this extreme. And truly, if she's doing these things and you are standing by without any sort of consequence to her (ie divorce) then... why would she stop?

One big hint though - if you have intercourse with her, use a condom. You don't know where she's been.

Miss Cris
http://lendinganear.wordpress.com

Answer 6

a chum of mine is going by using hers. Her sister basically had somewhat one and being an aunt and not a mommy has particularly hit her complicated. She went out and offered a house that she will't locate the money for to stay in for greater suitable than a 300 and sixty 5 days at maximum suitable, she's finding for artwork in politics and she or he's have been given toddler fever undesirable. She's even asked me if i might evaluate having somewhat one along with her. No marriage or something, she basically needs somewhat one.

Answer 7

kick her a ss out of the hose and tell her to go deal with her midlife crisis some where else

Answer 8

Well, now is your chance. You really want some other dude exploring all aspects of her. That is your job man. Pleasing of your wife sexually is your job, step up and do it.

You need to start to like being the one to give her pleasure.

Answer 9

Women do have them but this goes way beyond that. I would divorce my husband for way less than that and would expect the same from him if I started behaving that way, if only for health and safety's sake.

Answer 10

Go into her purse and go get your balls back. Put them on and then kick her to the curve.