I have been unvoluntarily seperated from my husband for about three years. It has been a rocky marriage, but I loved and adored him. I reacted in anger from ongoing issues within the marriage, and that coupled with the stress I am experiencing in my life right now led me to just snap. I went to a lawyer and got papers going to divorce him. I jumped head first into a new relationship (though he doesn't KNOW it.....but DOES suspect).
Anyway, he got back to the city we live in last Saturday. He called while I was out, asking to see our child. He hasn't called back. I am so sick. Physically ill, stressed, nauseated....I am a wreck thinking of WHO could he be with, WHY hasn't he called back, and even feeling like I want him back (he tried to reconcile several times, but I was not able to respond to his mail because of my home issues....that was BEFORE he got back to our town). Now it seems like his life has gone on. I think I still want to be in it. I love him. But I dont want to hurt my
2006-11-07 02:01:33 · 16 answers · asked by lilac b 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
boyfriend. He has been really sweet, supportive and generous, and VERY patient, but I think that even he senses that I am torn about things.
I just miss my husband. I waited three years for him........and I was just hurt from all that I was going through. BUt even though we had problems......I want to talk to him, I want to try again.....I think.
I just need to see him. I definetely still love him.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?????????
2006-11-07 02:03:17 · update #1
Honestly, you sound very selfish........You really have no idea what you want or how to go about getting it..........If you really loved your husband you would not care about any boyfriends feelings............I think you are just wishing you could have both......And chances are you can't and that is killing you inside..........The best thing you can do for yourself is be honest (with yourself!!!) What is it you really, really want in life...........Probably to "just be happy", well it is up to you to decide what that means and what you need to do to get it!
I would also say since your husband did try very hard, you probably hurt him to his very core and he may not be in such a hurry to just "jump back in!" he is probably afraid you are going to TRIP on him again and his heart can't take it again!
I would slow down, think about waht you want, decide how to get it and go for it with all your heart and soul! It is always best to SHOW someone than TELL them........So start SHOWING people waht you want and stop TELLING!
2006-11-07 02:09:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've been through a lot. I also get sick when I'm overly stressed out, so I can sympathize. I would say go for it and tell him you love him. This is one of those things you never want to look back on and think "what if I'd done this...." It sounds like your boyfriend is really sweet and that's great that you have someone so supportive but you have a family with your husband. And if you love him he should know that before you proceed with anything. Does he know that when he wrote you you were unable to get back to him due to home reasons? If he doesn't he's just assumed you've moved on and that he has no choice but to do the same. So tell him you love him. See where it goes, it'll be worth it! I wish you all the best....
2006-11-07 02:08:17 · answer #2 · answered by Angela G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you should not have gotten into an extramarital affair. I think that is a sign of moral deficit. If there were "problems" in the marriage, you should have sought help---not compound the problems. your current boyfriend will now have a broken heart and that is entirely because of your selfish behavior. Do not continue w/this affair. Call your husband and tell him you want to work on the marriage--ask if he wants to as well and then be honest & upfront w/your boyfriend. Apologize and make a clean break. Don't be wishy washy. You have children for whom you are a Role Model. You need to start living your life with integrity. This sounds harsh, but the truth is always less harsh than deception. Also, your children are bound to be affected by your behavior. You need to be in marital counseling and the family needs family counseling to heal.
2006-11-07 02:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by hopscothchbunnies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off disregard the name, i used that for something unrelated and am too lazy to change it! :)
I could be wrong, but in my opinion you seem to be suffering from "cant have it syndrome" If you were able to move on and be happy with your new man, until he came back, then I think you'll be alright. Now I am a firm believer in the vows of marriage, but if it took him 3 years to come back, I just don't see the strong of a devotion to you. In my opinion you only think you still want him because of some inner jealousies that he may have moved on, in other words, you only want him back because you feel/think somebody else has him.
2006-11-07 02:24:08 · answer #4 · answered by emotionally_confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you jumped head first into a "new" relationship and went to a lawyer and got papers for a divorce, shot him down when he tried to work things out, why on earth would you get all upset if he seems to have moved on. You want your cake and eat it too?
2006-11-07 02:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't look back. You have survived without him this long . I think you need closure in your life so you can move on. He is the father of your child and that is all . You are lucky that you found a great guy that you are with now and he loves you .Why complicate things . LET HIM GO ! MOVE ON!
2006-11-07 02:11:33 · answer #6 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot of stuff going on no wonder you're sick.
You will not take this advice but I'm giving it anyway.
**you need to back off from your ex AND your boyfriend
**you need to get some counseling to find out why you're self-destructing
**for at least a year you need to focus on being a good mother and the best person you can be WITHOUT a man
2006-11-07 02:10:22 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should try seeking out some therapy. You need to figure out what you need first, not what you think you want. If you can find this out, you will physically feel better. You're not much good to anyone if you can't take care of yourself, and you need to set an example for your kids.
2006-11-07 02:08:34 · answer #8 · answered by hackisackgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a professional. You don't really know what you want at this time and need an outsider to help sort it all out.
2006-11-07 02:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by roncarolhillsstupid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about this. Do you only want him now because you feel he has moved on? Because you don't want him to be with someone else? Be sure you want this for the right reasons.
2006-11-07 02:04:01 · answer #10 · answered by Lotus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋