KIds and divorce?

Question

My husband and I are going thru a divorce. He is living with another woman and denies it to me and my 2 daughters. The problem is that I really feel as if my kids need an explanation from him as to why he chose to get a divorce. I also feel that they need to get therapy which he disagrees with. Emotionally this is taking a big toll on my kids attitute towards me. If i try to discipline them my oldest responds "iam going to call and tell daddy that you are yelling at me"
I really need some hel[p in dealing with theses issues any suggetions?

Answer 1

i feel for you and your children, I've gone through the same thing. unfortunately, daddy will use this as a crutch, my kids are now older and i still see how this divorce has affected them. back and forth between the 2 of us, i have learned though, not to be little their father, even though i want to. tell your kids, that you both love them, its not their fault, as for the kids saying that they will call and tell daddy, tell them go ahead. the kids will see how far they can push you, both of you. do you need his agreement with the therapy? if you feel they need it, do it. just make sure that the kids needs come before your own..that's the mistake i made..
i was selfish and self pittying for many years, and my kids paid the price......God bless you and your family

Answer 2

They may be better off without an explanation from him, depending on the reason. I don't see what good that would do because it doesn't change anything and he's not going to tell them if he doesn't want to anyway. I am a strong advocate of counseling, however, and it would probably be a good idea for all those involved who are willing to go if you can afford it since you probably won't have his help in that financially if he is opposed to it. The kids playing one parent against the other is even more common in a divorce situation but don't play the game.

Answer 3

That sucks, but I've seen children in the middle of bad divorces. I personally feel that the kids should be sheltered from as much as possible. They shouldnt be told about the court proceedings or even why the parents split up. All they really need to know is that both parents love them. Therapy may be a good idea though. Let them call dad, he doesnt seem to care too much. They'll learn.

Answer 4

The one thing that you have to realize is that you can't tell a ex what to do or say or act. The best thing you can do is not to get the kids involved because regardless of how you feel your kids have a totally different relationship with each of you. The best thing to is not to speak to the kids about the divorce. Never bad-mouth your ex with the kids in earshot. Develop your relationship with the kids as a strong loving parent. Your children should have the right to love both of you equally. The kids regardless will make their own minds about both of you. As for the kids playing off each of you that is part of the course of pushing the boundaries. Tell them that the house rules for your place is this and stick by them. Your kids will thank you after they have grownup.

Answer 5

Your kids know there's a huge void in your relationship with their father and are using it against you. I don't think telling them he's living with another woman and that's why he left is going to serve any good purpose. That's not going to help your situation. If anything it will only make it worse. You and your soon to be ex need to have a sit down with your kids together and let them know your relationship just isn't working, but that they still are very loved by both of you, that the transition isn't going to be easy, but also, neither of you will tolerate trying to trump your authority with the other parent. That while they are with you, your rules apply and when they are with him, his rules apply. A family therapist would be best, but if he won't go take the girls yourself. They need some perspective from someone not emotionally involved in the situation.

Answer 6

If he's not going to do anything, then you will have to do it. You can explain to them why the two of you got a divorce, but you have to do it without bashing him. If you feel the kids need therapy, then make an appointment. But if your at your wits end because your daughter says she's going to call Daddy. Then, you need to toughen up. You tell her to go right ahead and give her the phone. Talk to your ex, and tell him the next time she says this you are going to have her call him, and tell him to tell her that she better listen to you. I know you feel sorry for your girls for what they have to go through. But you are their mother, you have to be strong and stay strong, don't play the victim, they'll never respect you. Take control. Good Luck.

Answer 7

There will also be. Your mum and dad are the primary folks you gain knowledge of from. In my opinion, so much youngsters of divorced mum and dad will correctly divorce at least one time later in existence. My mum and dad divorced after two decades of marriage. I appear again now and spotted indicators of sadness among the 2 of them. I married at a tender age, simply as they did, and after 7 years made up our minds to name it quits. There is a fashion and that's why a few mum and dad talk to the youngsters approximately ready to get married in hopes that they do not grow to be like they did. Don't get me improper, there are a couple of youngsters of divorced mum and dad who've overwhelmed the chances and that's a nice factor. You can best take what your mum and dad went by way of as some way of studying in order that you do not make the errors they did. Don't be afraid to invite what went improper of their courting and if they're nonetheless married, ask them what they do to maintain it going.

Answer 8

Get your children into therapy now!!!! My son was only 5 at the time and the change he went through when we went through our divorce was horrible. His attitude changed, he was talking back acting out in school and it stem from him not being able to understand really what was going on. His father and I both went with him and were able to talk to the therapist after wards and even though our feelings towards each other were not the best we did put that aside to help our son. Good luck

Answer 9

Hire a Private Detective...can't afford one....then you can do it yourself. Regardless of what your ex says about therapy....you don't need his permission to do something like that...If he gives you grief...then tell him it really doesn't matter what he thinks, it is what you think is best for your children. Sit down and try and talk to your kids and answer all questions honestly. In time they will see he's the one not being honest. But ALWAYS be firm with them, they are playing a game that most kids play when they aren't getting their way.....Next time one tells you, "I'm going to call Daddy...." Pick up the phone and dial then number for them and tell them "Fine, call your Daddy, I don't care." Try and get them some counseling....it would help.

Answer 10

Kids play that game to get out of trouble,what I call both sides of the fence, nip it in the butt, and your husband appears not to care anyway, he laid up with someone else, so I dont think you have a problem there,he might try to say something but ignore him, ask you oldest does she want to live wih daddy and you should see a turn around, your a good mom and dont let anyone tell you different, move on in life ,and your soon to be ex will run back, us men dont like rejection, dont take him back without mariage counceling. good luck and live your best life now !