My husband and I have been together for 7yrs. we have 2 children. he has a drug problem which has already gotten him put in jail and on probation for 3 more years. i told him he could either stop or get out, thinking he would just quit. he's packing his stuff today. I really don't want him to leave, but i can't raise my children around it. should i beg him to stay or hold my ground and let him go?
also, if i called his probation and reported him, would he go to jail, or would he just have to start going in once a month again? do you think it would even help if i did call his probabtion?
2006-11-07
01:03:58
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27 answers
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asked by
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Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm afraid to let hm go, b/c I'm 23 with 2 kids and my tubes are tied. I'm afraid no one else will want me and I don't want to be alone!
2006-11-07
01:12:13 ·
update #1
Honestly, The only thing begging is going to do is prolong the inevitable.........You are a young woman.......You still have plenty of life ahead of you...........You can and will find a wonderful man to be with........Do please stop letting that bother you........Don't hold on to something that is NOT working and is NOT good for your children........Let him go........Move on with your life......This is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.........But it will be for the best in the long run for both you and your children............And Hey, you never know perhaps some day he will grow-up and get his act together and you guys can have the life you have always dreamt of...........But until then........Keep on keepin' on girl! Live a little!
2006-11-07 01:55:36
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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Ask yourself these questions:
1. How has your husband's drug habit affected you and your children?
2. Is being with him giving you what you and your children need to be happy?
3. Is he showing any desire to put his family first?
My other question to you would be why would you beg him to stay? This is no time for you to be indecisive. It's not good for anyone- you, him or your kids. You have already raised your children around drugs. They see how it impacts them and your marriage. What is it that you want? Then, what is the reality of what you're going to get?
If your husband is a drug addict, then he is the only one that will be able to help himself. Problems are pretty much the same: the only solution available must come from the person with the problem. No other method or motivation will work unless the person with the problem actively chooses to face it.
Let him go. Don't call his probation officer; you don't know what he legal status would be if you do.
Your first priority is keeping you and your children safe. Ask yourself how begging your husband to stay accomplishes that.
2006-11-07 09:13:41
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answer #2
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answered by Le_Roche 6
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My family has faced this problem -with my nephew. It's the scariest roller coaster you could ever be on.
For a long time, we all tried to help him. Unfortunately, the way we helped was wrong-we keep buying him out of all of his trouble. He has a 2 yr old baby girl, so we thought we could get him straightened out for her sake.
With this said and with all we have learned, we now know we did the wrong thing. There is nothing you can say, & nothing you can do to help him. He has to want to help himself, With having two children and him still doing drugs, this should show you that he is letting the drugs come first. If he won't stop for that-then he is just not going to quit.
My advice would be to call his probation officer. That is what we finally did to my nephew. Because he has been in and of jail, and rehab, and the fact that he flunked 3 drugscreens, he was finally put in jail. He wasn't too upset. We explained our decision this way, "We love you more than you could ever hate us."
Please do what you need to do. Threatening him hasn't worked and won' t work. Call his probation officer and tell him ALL.
I am so sorry you are facing this problem. Unfortunately, it is affecting a lot families irregardless of race-creed-wealth.
2006-11-07 09:19:29
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answer #3
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answered by Hestia 4
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Never ever beg a man to stay.......
They have to want to do what is right. and have to want to be with you or nothing will ever change.. he has to want to deal with his drug problems on his own you can't do it for him.. You don't want your children around this or they will take your kids away from you .. social services is a horrible place to have butting into your life.. let him go and see if he will get himself straightened up.. calling the probation officer like you said will only get him put into jail.. You are now on the end of the waiting game thing.. To see if he is going to straighten up and love you and your kids more than his drugs.. Don't hold your breath though.. My daughter recently had her kids removed and from where i can see she don't care.. just wants her druggie friends and the highs i guess. .
don't know what to tell you other than they have to want help before things can get better.. so move on . get a job and suport you and the kids and just do the best that you can do ,while he is deciding what he is going to do..
Love only goes so far if it isn't returned.
2006-11-07 09:17:41
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answer #4
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answered by Sandy F 4
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Once he leaves call his probation officer and report him for using again. You absolutely don't need a drug addict around your children and yourself. Remember that the addict is not the person you fell in love with but is the disease that you have been living with. A condition of parole is to remain clean. He is violating that agreement and is no longer entitled to probation. He needs to go to jail. Your kids need their dad to be sober and their mom to be safe. REPORT HIM. You aren't doing him any favors by not reporting him. If his probation finds out on his own ; you will be putting your children at risk. Do you realize you can have them taken from you?
2006-11-07 09:16:30
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answer #5
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answered by AVA 4
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Well you should let the druggie go. Clearly he is choosing the drugs over you and your kids and at this point in his life that is what he wants. You need to get over him, even though it may be hard, and move on for the sake of the children.
if you called the po he would go to jail and it might help him and then again it might make him more angry and he might retaliate on you by trying to get the kids. so your best bet is to just let him leave and let him work things out on his own.
2006-11-07 09:11:10
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Do you really want that kind of behaviour around your kids. Think about it, drugs = bad news. He could start selling things around the house to pay for drugs, not to mention he is spending the family $$ on this bad habit. Worse off, distance yourself from it now to avoid any legal issues. IE car accident, injury to a child in your home through neglect. "Duty of care" in Civil court can destroy you, especially if you knowing knew what was going on and didn't take the proper steps to protect.
If he gets a disease from the drugs in some way you could catch it. Worse, if he owes money for drugs that would put your family in danger. Do you really want to find your family on an episode of COPS with them busting down the door in raid.
A family friend was in that situation with two daughters, she found out that looser hubby owed money to a guy and the guy wanted to "Fool around" with his 10 yr old daughter as payment.
Let him go, he chose the drugs over you and his family. You can do it on your own, you don't need a man to make you complete or support you. Show your kids what it is to be mother and a damn good one at that.
Believe me, there are so many men on the planet that want nothing more then to find a women and love her like the queens that they R.
2006-11-07 09:36:47
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answer #7
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answered by SRC 2
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You need to stand your ground for the children. You need to also make sure when he sees them that there are no drugs or people that do that junk around him. He made his choice ' The Drugs' it hurts I know, but you were right to make him chose. Drugs is a sickness and he needs to get better because he wants to. You should call one of the family support groups just to talk to someone that is going though the same thing. You are going to be fine you chose the children and that makes you a great parent.
2006-11-07 09:14:32
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answer #8
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answered by eeyoree rocks2003 7
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yes he would go to jail if you called the probation officer but the more important question is why do you want him to stay if he is going to be doing drugs and have the potential to get you and your kids in harm?
My advice is to let him leave and move on with your life until he cleans up and if he doesnt, you will still be in a much better and safer life situation
2006-11-07 09:08:21
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answer #9
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answered by scottb03gt 4
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you need help and do whatever you can to make sure the welfare ,health and safety of your children ,and also is stable , I would call his probation officer ,it can only help him, if he was willing to do right he would have not packed up his things,he has just showed you that drugs are more important than you and the kids ,go on with your life ,don't let him pull you down,the saying if you love him set him ,if he comes back ti was meant to be ,if do not he was never yours.let him go ,Bless you
2006-11-07 09:13:11
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answer #10
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answered by elizabeth_davis28 6
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