Divorce and Threats?

Question

I wrote before about wanting out after 20 years of a controlling, verbally abusive marriage and now I am getting my "ducks" in a row, job, car, etc. My husband knows I am thinking of leaving and told me he will "leave" and go far away if I want out as he would end up in "jail" if he stayed here. I questioned him on this comment and he said he couldn't see me around with anyone else, or he'd end up in jail. Said he'd never hurt me when I told him "don't threaten me". Last week when we were talking, I told him he couldn't read my mind, he said "If I could read your mind, I'd probably kill you", when I called him on that comment, he said he never said that. Our son heard him, and he said he didn't really mean it that way. WOW, I just want out, with my skin intact and I told him he scares me with all this, he continues to say he'd never hurt me. I have a 16 year old, and 1 in college. I feel like running, but have little money- we'll have a business and house to sell. Comments?

Answer 1

God be with you, honey.

I wish I knew what to say, other than ask your angels for help.

Answer 2

If you feel threatened and you really, really want out, then you have to start saving some money on the side. Open a bank account with your name only, or stash it away a little at a time somewhere where he wouldn't find it. You'll be surprised how much money you can actually save up little by little. You have to plan it out carefully. But you also have to be completely sure that you want out. You should analyze why is it that you want out of this relationship after so long. Is he abusive? If not, then is there something you can do to try and work it out? Marriage counseling perhaps? You need to sit with him and lay it all out on the table. Tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels. If you are afraid that he will be abusive to you or anyone else. Then plan your get-away and forget about the house and the business. Your life is worth much more than any of that. There are places that will help you find shelter in case of a domestic emergency. Here it is called Victim's Services. You can look that up, if necessary.

good luck.

Answer 3

I sure hope reports of years of abuse have been done at the police station. Leave and get a restraining order against him as soon as you leave. This may not stop him, but will set the law into motion in case anything does happen. Do you have any shelters you can go to? They will (at least around here) help you get a restraining order and back on your feet. How many women have died because they stayed for whatever reason? Leave now. Good luck.

Answer 4

I have been married for 20 years and with him 3 years on top of that. In all that time we have had our ups & downs and tornadic type arguments and NEVER has he ever threatened to harm me or illude to harming me.
This isn't normal. You must continue to put your ducks in a row.
Although, you don't have much money ; you will at least be alive to be a mother to your child who is still at home.

I suggest you call the police the next time he threatens you and get it documented. In the meantime just behave as though you are content to stay and accumulate all that you need to establish your own household. Lastly, once you leave get a restraining order. You shouldn't have difficulty w/ attaining one given the history of documented threats you will establish.

Answer 5

I think you should tell the abuse people who talk to you on the phone and get out of that relationship even if you still have feelings of a sort for him. You need to get away, go to a place and hide out not a place where he knows go to a place before u met him. I fhe knows that place then go to the police and tell them about the threats. Even though it may be a scary thing to do, I believe u need to get out before he does anything more threatning to your children or you.

Answer 6

I think that you may need to keep your thougts to yourself. seeing as how he is controlling and abusive he can use your words and thoughts against you. let him talk if it makes him feel better, just don't respond to him in a way that reveals your true thoughts. your son is 16 and is old enough to start thinking for himself. if your husband ends up in jail then that will be better for you now wouldn't it? hire a lawyer. it's good that you are getting your ducks in a row. just dont' reveal to him what you are truely doing. it's none of his business anyway.

Answer 7

TRO - get one as soon a possible. Probably as soon as you file for divorce. You should not be the one to leave. Your home is also your children's home, especially were your 16 year old is concerned. Your husband will still be obligated to support your 16 year old.

Answer 8

He sounds like the ex that I had. As soon as I could I left him and ran like heck. He did follow me but it did no good. I had the police after him and a protective order put on him. He was always threating to kill me too.

Answer 9

Restraining order with a huge side of divorce. Check out battered women's shelters. They do not disclose your location and you and your daughter should be able to stay there until things cool down. You should be able to find information at your local YMCA about them. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Get out! He could be saying such things to scare you to stay but if you want out ...get out. I wouldnt tolerate the threats and taking it back like he didn't mean it. Thats not funny or cute and I would let him know NOT to do it again.

Answer 11

IF he has not physically hurt you in the last 20 years...........He is simply venting his feelings.........Since he has been verbally abusive to you I would say he does not have very good communication skills.........He knows how he feels but he simply can not put it into the correct verbiage...........ie: He doesn't know how to talk to you!........Any way, I would say you are on the right track but I would also say he is not going to physically harm you any time soon.....He is just trying to tell you how he feels inside........And he isn't doing a very good job.........Good luck to you!