Should I go out with a Bang or leave quietly?

Question

I have always supported my husband except on the occasion when he wanted to open a business with his other woman as a partner.I thought that I was fulfilling my role as wife and best friend,mother ,daughter in law,sister in law(because thay stayed with us for a while)until my husband came home and told me that he does not fel like a husband.This was when he started having his first affair.Ihad always made or thought I made myself available to all his needs and still look good,keep a full time job with two kids and have my in laws live with us for a time.I did not know where I went wrong for my husband tocheat on me with several women and be in long term relationships with them while he gave the impression to my in laws that it was all my fault.
I am fed up of his infedelity and his abuse behavior when Iconfront him.He has said that these women gave him all their attention.Some were married themselves,involved with other men and even single moms.Will people ever really know the truth?

Everyone thinks he is a God send

MARTIN,You sound like my husband but anyway I am not the frigid one in bed.When the in laws and the kids were at school I dressed sexily,Even went coomando as he requested.One thing he admitted was we had a great sex life

Answer 1

get everything you are entitled and if its necessary to go out with a bang to get it then so be it.

seems to me your husband uses excuses to try and condone his infidelity, there is no excuse for it at all. why didnt he think of sitting down and trying to talk the problems through with you, instead of looking elsewhere.

and if these other women were so good at giving him all the attention, why was he not satisfied with just one of them, he seems to have moved on to several, maybe he just gets bored easily.

he sounds like a serial adulterer to me who will always be unfaithful no matter what anyone gives him, and he will always blame someone else for his mistakes.

get rid of him, you and your kids deserve better, no good staying together for the sake of the kids it just means they grow up in an unhappy house.

Men (and women) who act in this way make me so angry, do they not realise the hurt they cause..........they should move on before getting into other relationships

and dont blame yourself !!!

Answer 2

I think you should just get your stuff together and leave as quickly as you can, sorry but your husband sounds like a control freak and manipulator, of course he is blaming you for his affairs and everything else that has gone wrong in his life, its called not taking responsibility for his own actions so hes bouncing them all onto you and passing the book so he doesn't have to blame himself, sorry but I don't know how you have put up with him for so long, you have the right to a better life for you and your kids, get out now while you can and go straight to a solicitor, find yourself a damn good one and don't let him know until you have some information in place, good luck and here's to a new start.

Answer 3

Been there, done that etc. Built a business from the ground up with my X over a 9 year period, and he buggered off with a floozy. (who has since left him too!) Find yourself the biggest SOB lawyer that you can find (ask around for one with a good reputation for this kinda divorce) and sue the buggers pants off (pardon the pun). You work, so you are independent. Why stick around Hon? He is using you as his W.I.F.E (washing, ironing, food etc.), and having his thing on the side too. No way Jose!! Take whatever you can, you have VERY good grounds for divorce. Make notes of when and where, and if you can, tape his verbal abuse too. Try not to drag your kids into it though, and perhaps sit them down and explain to them that Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore, but that it does not change how you both feel about them. Get on with your life before you turn around and realise that you missed out!

Answer 4

If you believe your marriage cannot be saved because of his multiply affairs, then save yourself alot of grief (in the long run) and just file for the divorce and leave quietly. Going out with a bang will make you feel good right now; but it probably will come back to bite you at some time. Take the higher road, be civil, and leave quietly. It may be the harder road; but it is the better road at the end of the day.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You sound like and awesome wife, mother and ...well, lets just say that you (from what you have said) are not the problem at all. Don't worry about going out with a bang, just go. If he is cheating and obviously has no desire to change, only to try and make it look like it is your fault, then you need to go. Making a big scene of it, will only take away from the character that you described above. You sound awesome and there a many men out there that dream of being married to someone like that. Don't change who you are and what you are just to make a statement on the way out, you will only regret it later.

Answer 6

I am sorry to here of your unhappiness, and I really feel for you, because my ex- husband told me he did'nt love me any more. That gave me all I needed to know. How old are your children, and do you have any where to go ?. I would be out like a shot, and take the kids with you[if they're only young]. Heis only thinking of himself, looking at what you are saying. How many women has he had for gods sake. He sounds like a right womaniser. I know it will be hard for you, as it was for me, but I couldn't take the rejection and lies, so I got out there pronto.Wait till he goes to work, and pack your necessities,and go. Get out of there and let him wonder when he gets home. Good Luck and look after YOURSELF.xx

Answer 7

You do not deserve to be treated with such disrespect. No one has the right to make you feel like your husband has, you did nothing to cause him to cheat. That was his desision to make alone and it was made out of pure selfishness and little thought of your feelings. The fact it has happened several times over the years tells you how little he respects you. It is time for you to leave him, you deserve so much more from life and a spouse. Never allow anyone to make you question what you did wrong. People make thier own choices, he chose to be hurtful and disrespectful to you. He doesn't deserve to be married to such a lovely person such as yourself. Get rid of him and get all the good things from life and a realationship you deserve. It's time to think of you now.

Answer 8

You have always supported your husband, right, well it's time now to support yourself! You must surely know that he is history and not worthy of your love and your support.
In your position most people would go to see a solicitor in order to find out precisely how they could best rid themselves of this exceptionally disloyal and disrespectful man. Listen and learn from the experts. In the short term it will not be a pleasant experience but in the longer term you will be free to share your life with someone who appreciates a kind, loyal and loving woman.

Answer 9

You have fullfilled your role to the fullest, he is a complete failure, and spoilt git by the sounds of it. He has a family, and should act like it. Off course you wont be able to give him all your attention you have children, his children.

I personally would go out with a bang, and take the git for everything you can, get a private dective, get the evidence and file for divorce, in fact I would get a friend to have the kids stay over, invite his parents over and do a slide show of all the evidence, let them see how perfect their son really is.

Get the hell out of there, well kick him out, and find someone who really does deserve you.

Answer 10

AH You see you never told me about the great sex in the other questions..so it comes down to attitude and nagging......and Commando and dressing to impress are only a start...what about his fantasies.......if he really though the sex was great.then the nagging and complaining must have played a factor too...but he could just have been an @rsehole.....Which I am beginning to believe...... Sorry for the uniformed judgement but the picutre is never Black and White,,, I would not think that you will have to wait for long.....and he will get his in time xx Good Luck.seriously xx.