My husband is milking this medical leave thing. How do I get him to start helping me more?

Question

I will admit that my husband was not the most help around the house before, but since he has been on medical leave for wrist surgery, he has just added to the mess instead of helping clean it. I know that he can't do a whole lot of chores with only one hand, but he could put dirty clothes in the washer, put clean ones in the dryer and dry clothes in a basket, so I can fold them later. And he most certainly could pick up the stuff around the living room. He hasn't done anything since this leave started at the end of Sept. He sleeps late everyday and watches hunting shows on TV all day long. I have been expecting him to watch our daughter 3-4 days out of the week, to save on daycare since he is only bringing in a percent of his normal pay, and all he does is complain about what a brat she was all day. Funny how I dont have that problem with her on my days off and neither does her sitter. He just seems to want to treat this as a vacation and do nothing. How do I get him to at least help?

Not cooking for him is not going to be an effective threat, cause I have to cook for the kids anyways, so I would still be cooking a meal and even if I didn't cook enough for him, he would just go eat a hot dog or a bowl of cereal. And I have tried letting his clothes pile up, but we have our washer and dryer in the bathroom, so it would just pile up in there and make more of a mess for me to deal with.

Answer 1

Kick his rear into action...go on strike!!! Seriously though he should not be such a lazy (bleep). Its unfair to you. You have probably let him get away with things before so it may be difficult to get him motivated. No clean clothes and no dinner on the table may be the motivation he needs...Oh and no bedroom action either!!!! lol

Answer 2

Tell Cinderella Man that the world didn't stop spinning. I had 3 C-sections and more recently a hysterectomy due to cancer. I was split from hip to hip due to quantity and size of tumors. I stayed in the hospital a few days and then returned home. I began doing as much as I could although it wasn't alot while I was alert and the pain meds were working to help mask pain. Granted I had the use of both arms but he should try standing with his belly stapled together . There's no excuse for him not doing the simple things. He can't be expected to lift the laundry basket or to fold but your' right ; nothing prohibits him from loading the washer or watching his child if the pain meds don't make him sleep all day.
My family & friends all volunteered to help me but, I would only let them do that which I couldn't do. Tell your husband to man-up or get out ; YOU already have a baby and need him to be your partner not your child. I hope that you have a great holiday because you deserve it.

Answer 3

If it's your house, change the locks and tell him that you've filed for divorce and child support. If it's his house, leave and file for divorce and child support.

OK, that's drastic. If you want to try something less extreme, go on strike. Take care of your daughter and yourself, but do nothing for him. Don't cook for him, don't wash his clothes. Hide the remote so he can't watch tv. That sort of thing. Oh, and keep your money separate from his so that he can't spend it, either.

As for the mess, you can try focusing on keeping some rooms clean for yourself and your daughter and locking the doors to those rooms so he can't get in and mess them up, but if the rest of the house gets too dirty, then that could cause other problems. If you can afford it, hire someone to do minimal cleaning, if not, then you're stuck with that part.

Answer 4

Is he on pain meds? That often makes a person nasty.

He also could be depressed and need anti-depressants.

If he is on medical leave, is there a reason for him to not be doing much? It seems like it would be hard to do laundry with one hand.

The research says that using day care causes fathers to really disapprove of their kids and that using day care destroys family unity. perhaps that's how you've gotten this sad result.

Answer 5

Oh I had been there! It cross so unhealthy that I refused to permit hubby sleep within the room, certainly whilst I was once pregnant with our son and dealing 12 hour shifts. I made him cross see a medical professional and so they ordered him to head do a snooze research. He has extreme sleep apnea. The motive we snore is given that our airlines are kinda blocked and our frame is sucking within the air so difficult, it makes a loud night breathing sound (ever snorted whilst giggling...equal suggestion). I propose you simply simple out be sincere and inform him you are involved for his wellness and wish to be certain there is not anything unsuitable with him given that he snores so loud. It can outcome his middle and oxygen in-take. If he is not getting ample oxygen, then he is not snoozing good...if he is not snoozing good, then he'll be worn out in the course of the day, which ends up in sleepiness in the course of the day and he could also be much less inspired to do bodily endeavor, which is able to motive weight obtain..weight obtain makes it extra complicated to breath at night time...which as you'll see is a vicious cycle. One different hindrance my hubby has is outsized tonsils. They are blockading his airway and has to get them taken out. Another hindrance is he is obese. So the blend of the bunch make it harmful to his wellness. Thankfully he is getting it treated quickly! *edit - speak to him...and no longer in a finger pointing manner..simply be sincere and ask him to delight see a medical professional. If he demands extra convincing, have him seem at a snooze research internet site or information approximately sleep apnea. It may also be resolved!!*

Answer 6

Sorry to say, but your husband is a sleaze-bag. And calling his own daughter a brat is just unforgiveable. He should appreciate the time he has to spend with her. Obviously she is interupting his precious tv show instead of playing quietly and not disturbing his lazy ***. Your husband needs a massive wake-up call and it's time for you to put your foot down. Ultimatums do work if you stick to them, so give him one...."Shape up or ship out!"

Answer 7

Face it, men are slobs. haha. Mine won't help me around the house either, but he does help watch children when he can. And I appreciate that because he's a great dad.

What kind of dad would complain about their own baby and say she was a brat? He needs to spend time with her because he'll regret he didn't. She needs a good dad (and of course a mom too) to help shape her personality and character. You should just tell him how you feel. That he doesn't need to be babied and he should use this time to spend with his little girl.

Answer 8

STRIKE!!! But strike in a different way. Keep up with everything as normal for you and the baby, but totally ignore him. No cooking, no cleaning, and definitely no sex. If he's anything like my husband, he'll be scrubbing the toilet with a TOOTHBRUSH (just make sure to hide yours!) to get back on your good side.

Answer 9

You really need to sit down with him and talk openly about how frustrated your feeling at having to do it all. Let him know your tired of picking up after him and your child and that if he doesn't start helping soon, your not going to keep doing it all. Lets see how he cooks with one hand?

Answer 10

Maybe you could cut the cable to save money then he would have plenty of time to watch your daughter. Also, stop washing his clothes. Sounds like he is more than able to do that for himself. Maybe he will get the message.