how do i build more selfesteem?

Question

i think that the reason why im like this is because my mom is to over protective! ever since i was even 17 or 18 she always made me stay in the house cant spend time with friends or anything!she even gets mad when i go to the pharmacy! all h311 broke loose one time because i came back from the mall at 6pm.all i ever did im my life was home school church.i tried out for the wrestling team at school and comeing home around 8pm was even a problem!

Answer 1

Get good grades and work hard.......everything else will take care of itself.

Answer 2

One way to increase your self esteem and your confidence is to stretch yourself - do something that makes you move a bit outside your comfort zone. I tried this once by enrolling in an evening course at a local high school. I signed up for Improvisational Acting, something so far from my talents or experience. It was so good for me, forced me to stretch a lot, and because I was with others who hadn't really ever done this either (being a local high school), we all received validation and encouragement from each other. It was a real esteem and confidence builder. Try something like that - start small and work your way up. I like the idea of local school evening courses because, like I mentioned, the people who enroll are all ordinary people like you and me, and pretty much in the same boat. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

If you can get a job and its safe, do so.
Remember if you don't stand up to your mother, you'll never be your own person. But if you do, do it with respect because she just wants the best for you.
I don't know what your circumstances are and I don't know why you’re mother are acting like that, maybe there are some stuff we don’t know about...
For you to build confidence, you must do your own thing, by saying that I don't mean you must go crazy, do everything with respect towards yourself, so that you’re mother never can say ‘’see I told you so...’’ Start making you’re own decisions and believe in yourself because now you’re a grown-up now (in a way) If you’re still in school be patient till you’re finished, but this is your life and you must live it. If you go on like this you’ll properly marry some person that you don’t like but your mother does est. REMEMBER, respect you’re mother and yourself… Listen to your heart…

Answer 4

You need to make lots of friends, then your self-esteem will be boosted...

If you need a friend, online, say Hi to someone, either here, or on a chat room or a forum... You can start as soon as you are ready... And there are lots of good people about, and some weirdos... I have a foot in both camps... ;) I'm a friendly weirdo!!! :D

Answer 5

yup,not funny at all. But maybe it's time to move on?You're not her property ,I think that she must respect your choices and your hobbies. Just tell it to her , that you're not little child , that you loves her but how can you build more self esteem when she always stops and forbid you!Everything you need it to be frank but not rude and that's all , I hope that you'll find compromise with your mother , I think that she'll understand you!
Good luck!

Answer 6

Diaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnee mad people is going to be like what the

Answer 7

By having faith in yourself, and quit putting yourself down. There is NO other way. If you have no faith in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to have faith in you, and in what you do?

Answer 8

try going out with your friends, get out more, go have fun, goodluck.

Answer 9

i'll be you're friend. you live in the south?

Answer 10

In psychology, self-esteem or self-worth includes a person's subjective appraisal of himself or herself as intrinsically positive or negative to some degree.[1]

Self-esteem involves both self-relevant beliefs (e.g., "I am competent/incompetent", "I am liked/disliked") and associated self-relevant emotions (e.g., triumph/despair, pride/shame). It also finds expression in behavior (e.g., assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution). In addition, self-esteem can be construed as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem) or as a temporary psychological condition (state self-esteem). Finally, self-esteem can be specific to a particular dimension (e.g., "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or global in extent (e.g., "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general").

[edit] Major definitions of self-esteem
The term "self-esteem" is one of the oldest concepts in psychology, having been first coined by American psychologist and philosopher William James in 1890. It is one's mental perception of his qualities, not physical features. In addition, self-esteem is the third most frequently occurring theme in psychological literature and over 25,000 articles, chapters, and books refer to the topic[2]. Given such a long and varied history, it is not surprising to find three major types of definitions in the field, each of which has generated its own tradition of research, findings, and practical applications. The original definition presents self-esteem as a ratio that is found by dividing one’s successes in areas of life that are important to a given individual by the failures in them or one’s “success / pretensions” [3]. A problem with this approach is that making self-esteem contingent upon success means that it is inherently unstable because failure can occur at any moment [4]. In the mid 1960s Maurice Rosenberg and social learning theorists defined self-esteem in terms of a stable sense of personal worth or worthiness that can be measured by self-report testing. This approach became the most frequently used definition but now it is known that feeling good about oneself in healthy ways is difficult to differentiate from such things as narcissism. [5] Nathaniel Branden's (1969) short definition of self-esteem is “…the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness”. This two-factor approach, as it has also been called, is a balanced definition that seems to be capable of dealing with limits of defining self-esteem primarily in terms of competence or worth alone.[6].


In Branden’s description (1969) self-esteem includes the following primary properties:

It is a basic human need, i.e., “…it makes an essential contribution to the life process”, “…is indispensable to normal and healthy self-development, and has a value for survival.”
For Branden, self-esteem is an automatic and inevitable consequence of the sum of an individual’s choices in using their consciousness.
He states that self-esteem is experienced as a part of, or background to, all of the individual’s thoughts, feelings and actions.

[edit] Measurement
For the purposes of empirical research, self-esteem is typically assessed by a self-report questionnaire yielding a quantitative result. The validity and reliability of the questionnaire are established prior to use.


[edit] Quality and level of self-esteem
Level and quality of self-esteem, though correlated, are not synonymous. Self-esteem can be high but fragile (e.g., narcissism) and low but secure (e.g., humility). However, the quality of self-esteem can be indirectly assessed in several ways: (I) in terms of its constancy over time (stability), (II) in terms of its independence upon particular conditions being met (non-contingency), and (III) in terms of how ingrained it is at a basic psychological level (implicitness or automaticity).


[edit] Criticisms
Critics see the all pervading importance given to self-esteem in popular culture and in modern psychology as misleading and over-positive. A review of self-esteem literature by Roy Baumeister confirmed that high self-regard per se is not necessarily good nor does it translate into higher estimates by others of a person's intellect, appearance or virtue. Self-esteem as panacea is "a very compelling illusion," because it correlates with happiness and other good things, says Baumeister, but psychologists "were a little too eager in promoting the program before the data were in." Some social constructionists argue that modern day America with its overwhelming cultural bias towards self-enhancement has fabricated and validated the dogma of self-esteem as a universal human goal that all must strive towards perfecting. This fails to consider the absence of such an emphasis in other flourishing cultures, where high self-esteem is not as celebrated and central a concept.

The main thrust in psychological literature and popular culture is the presence or absence of high self-esteem, however there is evidence that the overemphasis on the self-esteem mantra can lead to rapid falls when the self is invalidated in the domains that one considers important. In addition this pursuit may have negative consequences on the welfare of society as a whole. Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhist and Hindu thought, see the self in its limited form as illusory; Although some would see parallels in teachings which emphasise self love - this is said to be secondary and is placed within the greater framework of self transcendence to realise Anatman (Buddhism) or Brahman (Hinduism).


[edit] Self-esteem, grades and relationships
From the late 1960s to the early 1990s it was assumed as a matter of course that a student's self-esteem was a critical factor in the grades that they earn in school, in their relationships with their peers, and in their later success in life. That being the case, many American groups created programs to increase the self-esteem of students, assuming that grades would increase, conflicts would decrease, and that this would lead to a happier and more successful life. Until the 1990s little peer-reviewed and controlled research was done on this topic.

The concept of self-improvement has undergone dramatic change since 1911, when Ambrose Bierce mockingly defined self-esteem as "an erroneous appraisement." Good and bad character are now known as "personality differences". Rights have replaced responsibilities. The research on egocentrism and ethnocentrism that informed discussion of human growth and development in the mid-20th century is ignored; indeed, the terms themselves are considered politically incorrect. A revolution has taken place in the vocabulary of self. Words that imply responsibility or accountability—self-criticism, self-denial, self-discipline, self-control, self-effacement, self-mastery, self-reproach, and self-sacrifice — are no longer in fashion. The language most in favor is that which exalts the self — self-expression, self-assertion, self-indulgence, self-realization, self-approval, self-acceptance, self-love, and the ubiquitous self-esteem.
—Ruggiero, 2000


Peer-reviewed research undertaken since then has not validated previous assumptions. Recent research indicates that inflating students' self-esteem in and of itself has no positive effect on grades. One study has shown that inflating self-esteem by itself can actually decrease grades. (Baumeister 2005)

High self-esteem correlates highly with self-reported happiness. However, it is not clear which, if either, necessarily leads to the other.[7]


[edit] Bullying, violence and murder
Some of the most interesting results of recent studies center on the relationships among bullying, violence and self-esteem. It used to be assumed that bullies acted violently towards others because they suffered from low self-esteem (although no controlled studies were offered to back up this position).

These findings suggest that the low-esteem theory is wrong. But none involves what social psychologists regard as the most convincing form of evidence: controlled laboratory experiments. When we conducted our initial review of the literature, we uncovered no lab studies that probed the link between self-esteem and aggression.
—Baumeister, 2001


In contrast to old beliefs, recent research indicates that bullies act the way that they do because they suffer from unearned high self-esteem.

Violent criminals often describe themselves as superior to others - as special, elite persons who deserve preferential treatment. Many murders and assaults are committed in response to blows to self-esteem such as insults and humiliation. (To be sure, some perpetrators live in settings where insults threaten more than their opinions of themselves. Esteem and respect are linked to status in the social hierarchy, and to put someone down can have tangible and even life-threatening consequences.)
The same conclusion has emerged from studies of other categories of violent people. Street-gang members have been reported to hold favourable opinions of themselves and turn to violence when these estimations are shaken. Playground bullies regard themselves as superior to other children; low self-esteem is found among the victims of bullies, but not among bullies themselves. Violent groups generally have overt belief systems that emphasise their superiority over others.
—Baumeister, 2001


The presence of superiority complexes can be seen both in individual cases, such as the criminals Baumeister studied, and in whole societies, such as Germany under the Nazi regime.

The findings of this research -- indeed, of any research at all in this field -- can not take into account that the concept of self-esteem has not been clearly defined and that there are differing views of the precise definition of self-esteem. In the future, a definition may evolve which produces data that are more satisfying to the pro-self-esteem faction. In his own work, Baumeister often uses a "common use" definition: self-esteem is how you regard yourself (or how you appear to regard yourself) regardless of how this view was cultivated. Other psychologists believe that a "self esteem" that depends on external validation of the self (or other people's approval), such as what seems to be relevant in the discussion of violent people, is not, in fact, "true" self esteem. Nathaniel Branden labelled this 'pseudo self esteem', arguing that true self esteem comes from internal sources, such as self responsibility, self sufficiency and the knowledge of one's own competence and capablity to deal with obstacles and adversity, regardless of what other people think.

Psychologists who agree with this view dismiss Baumeister's findings and say that what he mistakes as 'high self esteem' in criminals is in fact narcissism and because it is an inflated opinion of self that is built on the shaky ground and the violence comes when that opinion is threatened. Those with "true" self esteem who valued themselves and believed wholly in their own competence and worth would have no need to resort to violence or indeed have any need to believe in superiority or prove superiority. Of course, where Baumeister is actually reviewing other people's work, then the mistaken definition that they used can not be blamed on him