My husband is texting a girl from work- she is 'hot' for him -he says its harmless. what do I do?

Question

I have read the messages and she is blatantly flirting with him, she texts him at 1am in the morning and he responds to her. He swears it is nothing more than a friendship and he knows the boundaries of our relationship. He says he loves me and wouldnt do anything to mess that up, but the messages she sends are all innuendo pretty much and so I had a crazy moment and I texted her from his phone and within 3 texts she was saying she was hot for him and couldnt wait to meet him... Arrrrgghhh its annoying me, what do I do??? Please please help!

Thanks for the answers so far, a bit more info ...he says it is no different to his male friends texting him and she may be flirting but he is not and they talk about everyday things like music, hell shes even made him a cd. I mentioned me adding this question and read responses to him and he has said he will put an end to it ...and again he doesnt believe he is doing anything wrong as they are JUST FRIENDS!!!!

Thanks all for the answers! Update we have had a serious heart to heart and he realises the error of his ways and has cut all contact with her. He is still making it up to me, and is ignoring her messages in the hope she will stop of her own accord.

Answer 1

You, really, can't do anything if he wants to pursue this. All you can do is talk to him, reinforce those boundaries (which he doesn't seem to be respecting), and tell him that you are very uncomfortable with this. If it continues, what you'll know, then, is that he has no regards for your feelings and little respect for the relationship that the two of you share.

That was the sane answer.

The insane answer is that I would follow that bit@h to work, snatch her out of her car and make her eat the cellphone, but...that's just me...

Answer 2

Buy your husband a new mobile and throw the other away!!
Texting between members of the opposite sex when married is fine, but there are still boundaries. Your husband has overstepped the mark and is acting like he is single. Texting someone at 1 in the morning is something you'd expect of people are dating. If my husband started texting a girl from work all the time i would not be impressed, and I'm sure you're husband would not be too pleased if roles were switched and it was you sending flirty text msgs to a guy from work.
You need to put a stop to this and he needs to respect you more and take your feelings into consideration.

Answer 3

He may say it is harmless and he may even believe it is, but if a husband is texting another girl at 1 am in the morning in response to her text, then it is NOT harmless. It cant be harmless if it is upsetting you in any way whatsoever. As his wife, he should put your feelings first!

This girl is getting a response from him and therefore she will carry on texting, and when he sees her at work she will flirt with him and so on and on - this is how affairs develop even if men dont really mean them to start.

If this girl is saying she is hot for him, basically she doesnt give a sh*t that he is married. She will go ahead to get what she wants - which is probably some sort of sexual confirmation from him that she is attractive. Basically she is probably (inside)a sad little girl who gets her self worth from men that she can pull. Your husband needs to be man enough to put a stop to all this right now before something happens.

Tell him that is what you want him to do. Ask him to put you first. If he won't, i'm afraid it doesnt say much about him or your marriage.Be firm, this is not 'harmless'.

Answer 4

I have this t-shirt.
Unfortunately I suspect that your husband doesn't see this in the same light as you do. He's probably fully aware that she's flirting but because he doesn't intend to do anything about it he sees it as an ego boost only. You need to tell him in plain English that you see this as being unfaithful, no ranting and raving just a calm and calculated conversation that defines the boundaries in no uncertain terms. If you don't get any joy at that point then insist on meeting her on the basis that she's obviously an important friend of his and henceforth should be introduced to the joint social circle. If at this point you get no joy then I think you should 'accidentally' put his phone through the washing machine (it's amazing what gets washed when you forget to check the pockets) and make the ultimatum you're dreading.

Answer 5

Sorry to say but i think something more than texting is already going on. From a womans perspective, i wouldnt just text a man at 1am unless we were in some kind of relationship. Try see this as if you were an outsider. Our judgement is often clouded when we are in love. What would you say to one of your friends if this was happening to her? Use you common sense and trust your instincts. Dont put up with it, he is insulting you and disrespecting your marriage vows. Its very inappropriate for a married man to be having those types of conversations with someone other than his wife. Hope it works out for you. Ive been in the same situation and it didnt turn out to be innocent & harmless.

Answer 6

Sorry but if your husband says he loves you and would do nothing to mess up what you have between you, he is already lying to you by texting another woman, I don't care if she is a work colleague or a best friend you do not send flirty text messages to a married man and a married man who loves his wife wouldn't be giving out his mobile number for other women to text him would he and even mentioning to you that she is hot for it, my god his phone would have been on the floor and stamped on by now along with his male ego too, why are you letting him do this to you and then making excuses for him, I think you need to sit down and talk about this situation very seriously before it does lead to something it shouldn't, I don't want to be mean but any married man worth his salt would never accept text messages off another women let alone give out his number to them, talk to him and sort this out before it gets out of control.

Answer 7

This is totally unaaceptable, he's a married man and he really should be putting a stop to it himself.
The fact he isn't tells you he has lack of respect for you and your feelings and/or he could be doing it blatantly to wind you up, make you jealous or just isn't bothered about his marraige any more.

If you don't deal with this now the guys going to end up in bed with her, it only needs a few drinks after work to light the fire.

I would lay down the law totally, stop being a door mat and stand up for yourself, i'm amazed you've let it go on to this level.

If i was in your place i would seriously be discussing the future of the marraige, and if he wanted to save it he should cease all contact 100% outside work and start looking for a new job.

Answer 8

Sorry, babe. But, welcome to the real world.
I flirt isn't just a flirt ... a flirt = lust = he cheated on you at least at brain level=bad news
It might be that she doesn't mean a thing to him ... but he is interested in her.
Men are men ... and women these days are not affraid to be with a married man ... just because he's married.

If you want to save your relationship .... take him to a 2 weeks holiday and give him the best sex ever ...
He will forget his lust and you will get the sparkle back into your relationship.
Make sure that upon your return ... you keep the heat at least at the same level, if not higher.
Don't nag him, but make sure you are always aware!!!

Try to meet him for lunch as much as possible, if possible ... at least he spends his spare time in work with you ... not dreaming of a hot office girl.
Good luck.

Answer 9

That’s not right. You don’t need to text this girl back, but you should ask your husband, who he does want? She or you? He would say: you. Then tell him stop text her, and you go to his office, tell your husband to tell this girl to piss off when you are there. He would do it if he loves you…….
it is no good, buy him another mob phone or change a new number. he was the one who give his number to this gril in the first place, if you wants to do it, he will do it again, it doesn't matter how many phone number he has...

Answer 10

I was going to say get a friend to text you pretending to be a hot young guy, and that one of the girls at work who previously dated him has told you how well endowed he is. Though this may actually spiral things out of control!!

A better idea:
Sit him down, use the above example and ask him how he'd feel. If I was you I would take the phone off him if she had texted at 1am and texted her back and told her to get lost and find her own man.