How can you be fair in a marriage?

Question

What do you do when you and your husband work and you find yourself doing all the housework (includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping,even just plain shopping, doctor's appointments his ,yours and the baby's),caring for your son,yourself and your husband to the point that the only thing he does is work, sleep, and the cars maintenance, and he has excuses everytime you ask him for a favor? Any ideas please?

I have talked to him about this in the most patient ways possible, but either he gets defensiveby saying that I just want to start an argument, or takes me as the nagging wife.

Answer 1

Tell him how you feel but I would suggest you read "The Marriage Book" first. It has many useful hints on solving your marriage problems but you need to both work at it.

Answer 2

This sounds very much like my last 2 marriages. What I want to know is , Why do men think they work harder at work than women? They are a weird race.
I use to start work in the morning at 5 to 8 then come home take my children to school and my ex to work. Do all the housework, gardening , including mowing the lawns etc. Then go back to work at 2 till 6 and then get home and cook tea, while the slob just laid back on the lounge telling me that he had a hard day at work. He never did anything, except abusing me for everything I did wrong, I had enough after 18 years. I got out.

Answer 3

so in other words you are a normal housewife and mother. My husband would be gone for work all week i do normal stuff during week take care of child cook clean work a part time job but i save the good stuff for him on weekends he comes home on fridays and he does laundry he washes and dries it and i put it away he mows the lawn or it won't get done and takes trash out on sunday before he leaves again. That is all I expect of him because he works so hard all week long. That is part of marriage and being a stay at home mom. Don't ask him to do things as a favor tell him that you are getting overwhelmed and need some help with some things around the house.Give him hints like put the trash bag by the door and he cannot get out unless he picks up the bag and when he does just say well you have it picked up just take it out then. But in order for it to work you need to tell him how u feel without yelling or sounding like you are wanting a arguement. Just sit down one night with him and explain that you are feeling overwhelmed and understand that he works a lot but you would really appreciate some of his help around the house and just tell him a few things you would like him to do to help you. Believe me when I say sometimes a person can take advantage of having their spouse around and get mad over simple things but like recently my husband just had a massive heart attack and they had to bring him back twice we did not expect any of this to happen so now I am working my pt time job and taking care of child and housework and taking him to doctors and still have to go through one more surgery in 2 days with him . But it is all worth it because he will live. You never know how much time you have with the ones you love so don't waste it on picking over the little stuff. Explain how you feel and move on from that point and if he don't start to help ask him why he feels he should not contribute to house hold chores. Good Luck and God Bless Remember in the end it usually ends up you and your spouse are each others rock and support each other through the hard times

Answer 4

Solving problems in any relationship relies on both parties being reasonable and not on scoring points or winning an argument. Obviously, in your situation, a compromise or understanding must be reached. He will never be motivated to do something if he feels he is being nagged. Also, his contribution must be recognized, because he could be doing nearly everything there is to be done, but if you are still going to be upset when he doesn't do something you want done, none of that effort will be worthwhile.

Answer 5

If he won't listen to u then I guess u just have to set an example. For starters, take on only what u think should be your share. Stop doing his laundry and just do yours and your child's. Stop making him dinner and stop picking up after him. I know this might be difficult seeing the mess for a while but u have to make him get the hint one way or another. He doesn't seem to realize how much harder u have it.

Answer 6

you have to sit him down and tell him how you feel, im sure he will understand. he probably doesn't realize how much you are doing and how little he is doing. he probably takes things for granted. if this doesn't work let things go for a few days, stop the house works and see what he thinks then. maybe then he will realize how much you actually do and that you need a bit of help. draw up a rota if need be to say who does what and when. this will devide the work load giving you a bit more time to yourself.

Answer 7

I see this all over the place.

I don't know what the ansewr is, maybe women let it happen then the man just expects that she will see that things get done.

If you both work, hire a cleaning lady.

Answer 8

good question. take care of yourself and baby. you are not his mother, he can do his own load of washing there is nothing wrong with that. if he leaves his laundry on the floor,dont pick it up. if he wants it washed he'll have to do it himself. start giving him things to do and explain why.

Answer 9

If it were me........I would give him an ultimatum, and tell him if he doesn't start to pull his weight with the household duties, that you will have to give up paid work and be a stay at home mum, and he will have to work overtime to make up your wages!!!!!

Answer 10

tell him to do every thing by him self of get the f u c k out