what should i do?

Question

i have a ex who sees my children a few time a week he wont arrange with me when he see them he sorts it out with my 11 year old daughter he picks them up and will not tell me when he is going to drop them off he just says when they get bored so my boyfriend and i cant go any where my daughter is not his but he is good enough to still see her his son is very loyal to me and i have no problems but my daughter is giving me hell she comes home with bags full of sweets which i have 2 step kids at home aswell and in my house i only allow sweets once a week so she sits there and eats the whole bag when i try to take them off her she says she will tell dad ! he knows i am scared of him and i feel im trying just to keep evryone happy please help

Answer 1

first of all you need to stand yr ground with yr daughter,yr the parent here after all,i 100% know how you feel i split with my 2 childrens father 5 years ago he does the same he will not let me know what time he bringing them back,so i cant make any arrangements

i have no communication with my childrens father,it all goes through my daughter i ended up saying if yr dad doesn't have you back for 7pm tell him to keep you over night as i will be out tonight "belive me he has them back earlier than 7"
try getting her a mobile phone so you can keep in touch and when she comes in with sweets share them between the other children or tsake them off her.

DONT slacken yr rules to suit yr x if you do he is always going to dictate yr life.

Be strong and stand firm hunni xxx

Answer 2

Ok here you have a problem! If your daughter refuses to cooperate remove other privileges. If he won't tell you what time hes bringing your daughter home, arrange not to be there. After he's waited around for an hour or two a few time he'll soon tow the line. The other option is to go to court to set proper access this way you all know where you stand. Plz don't be scared of him. You took the courage to leave him, so follow it through. Good luck.

Answer 3

first of all it is not up to your 11 year old daughter she is the child you are the adult and yes it is nice for him to still see and spend time with her even if she is not his but you need to put your foot down and set rules and times do not let your daughter do it she will then be in control of everything you need to set rules and make her go by them rules. Explain to him that you appreciate that he takes her but he can only take her on such and such days of the week for a certain ammount of time and try and arrange times with him that work for both of you. Tell him during week she has school and needs to make sure she is getting homework done or studying for tests etc,... She knows the rules of the house and your letting her walk all over them by letting her eat the sweets your the adult not her!! Let her tell dad he needs to respect the fact you have rules and he needs to help set a good example for her and help teach her, not make it to where she disrespects the rules. Why sould you be scared of him? If he makes threats to u then you can get restraining order against him and stop all visitation and make sure you tell both of them that you love her but if she cannot respect the rules then you will stop allowing her to spend time with him until she can follow the rules. Just remember who is the parent and who is the child and that all kids will not like their parents it is normal because they get to that age where they dont like the rules etc,.. but if you do nothing now don't expect her when she is 16 to be home by curfew and so on because she knows you will do nothing about it. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Your house- your rules. Your daughter must learn to A) share and B) do as shes told.

Put your foot down or she will start controlling you in every aspect of her life.

Same for ex. Get advice from a lawyer and draw up an agreement for both of you to sign that specifies times etc. But he musn't rule your life.

I hope you sort it out dear without too many arguements. If you are scared of him then ask someone (perhaps not your current boyfreind as this might antogonise him) to be there with you when you tell your ex things are not working well for you and you need a compromise. If hes violent then call the police and stop your daughter going with him.

You need to take back control. Hold your head up- be confident and dont stand down just to please someone.

Answer 5

The first thing you need to do is to stop trying to keep everybody else happy as this will only lead to you being the one who is miserable and very unhappy.

its your house and your rules so when your daughter comes home with the sweets take them from her. she knows that once she says that she'll tell dad that you will give in. you need to get it through to your kids and to your ex that its your rules that the kids are going to be living by not his and that if he is not happy with that go to the courts and get the judge to decide.

the biggest thing that is standing in your way is that your ex knows that you are afraid of him and he will use it to his advantage every chance he can to keep you afraid of him. I would be going for the court room to sort out the arrangements for the kids and all that, you need to be able to say that your ex is going to get the kids on certain days for a certain amount of time so as you can make plans of our own.

i know that it is hard believe me i have being in a simular suitation and its not easy but i can tell you that it is well worth it in the end as it is better for the kids and for you to have rules and boundries on what your ex is allowed and more importantly what he is not allowed to do or decide on. it is going to be hard for you but in the end it will make your live alot easier and you will be alot happier too

Hope it helps a bit.

Answer 6

your children live with u so its up 2 u to set the day time 4 your children to see your ex.It looks like u are letting him control u and u are no longer with him,your daughter is beginning to act out her fathers ways so u have to be strong and tell her that what u say goes when shes with u and if she wants to eat sweets then tell her to eat them when shes with her dad and dont let her use the tell dad routine and let it get to you cos she knows it does and thats just emotional blackmail! you have to stay strong and put your foot down now or u never will! good luck p.s if this doesnt work its time to get a lawyer

Answer 7

Take control, he cant mess you about like this. If he wont talk to you then make him talk to your lawyer. He's probably doing it on purpose to mess you about. as he still wants control, Don't let him. As for your daughter, stop dancing to her tune, or you will be doing it all your life. If she threatens to tell her dad, tell her to go and stay with him and I doubt he will want that. It may make her see him a bit differently. Shock tactics do work. Good luck.

Answer 8

My ex was doing the same thing...........................i took him to court to get a more structured arrangement.

Dont let your daughter put it over you, if you only allow sweets once a week, then tell her she has to put them away until its sweet day so that everyone has lollies on the same day, you have to explain to her that its not good manners for her to be eating lollies in front of the others.

Good luck

Answer 9

First of all you have to get over your fears from this man and let him know you are not afraid of him. Sit down and picture him in your mind at his weakest and say to yourself ;I AM NOT SCARED'. Next say to your daughter that you are the boss and she has to learn to share with the other kids and if she does not she will not see her father.
It was a different scenario for me but I lived in fear of my ex-wife for years and one day I just put my foot down and told her exactly how it is with me and with a step-brother just 4 words 'I AM NOT SCARED'. Be in control and good luck. Bob

Answer 10

think its time to get a solicitor involved and have the3m arrage when he can see them if he won't listen to you then he leaves you no choice, you are the main care giver here and you need to know this information, the solicitor will taqlk with you both and arrange a set time each week when he can see both children and if he does do keep to these times then he will indeed be breaking the law. he sounds like a complete idiot.