I just don't know how to deal with a very dysfunctional mother any more, she is never happy and she is always taking everybody's side, causes a mess and takes sides with brothers and sisters, then turns around and always ends up being a two face, we never have happy times on Thanksgiving, etc. too much drama and conflict and our family is divided, no one is really in a cheerful mood and one of my brothers is not really allowed to come over unless a certain half brother isn't there (he is always bulling everyone) What a nightmare, I wish I could stay away, but I have no other place to go other than friends, and thanksgiving is a 4 day holiday, too long to spend alone, I'd like to see my nieces so much and the brother nobody loves.
Help, what do I do? My mother doesn't understand even if I talk to her, it all turns into a huge feud, I live 3 hrs away from them.
2006-11-06 17:29:43 · 8 answers · asked by My King loves me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The brother I want to see doesn't have a house, he stays with people, he messed up his life. My nieces are so adorable & they only come over if he brings them, this causes too much stress & at the same time pain, I really don't have that many friends, all I've done is work.
2006-11-06 17:42:40 · update #1
Nobody really gives a care, they walk around with masks on and they all come and go knowing it is not going to be great. No one is willing to open up & talk about anything honestly, they all have their long face and I CAN'T STAND IT!!
2006-11-06 18:29:42 · update #2
Can you just tell yourself you cannot let it bother you, and you're going to try to just enjoy Thanksgiving as much as possible? Can you suggest to some of the other relatives involved that it would be nice if everyone would just not discuss "hot button issues" for that one day? Sometimes it isn't a "mask". Sometimes its a matter of everyone wanting to have at least some "neutral" or even pleasant time together in spite of any issues nobody chooses to talk about on the holiday.
Can you have a little sense of humor about any of it? Lots of families have issues. Can you arrange to visit your brother and the nieces on your own, and have a special little "holiday thing" for just you and your brother? (Maybe a turkey breast, some vegetables, and a store-bought pumpkin pie?)
2006-11-06 19:23:45 · answer #1 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I'm sorry you had to learn this the hard way but you should never NEVER let yours or his family move in. I did it was a disater I wound up kicking him out after 3 weeks and felt horrible about it. She could be wanting to be super aunt so that she isn't kicked out. Maybe she has a problem with you. I'd bring it up to her and let her know how you feel and that it's hurting a 4.5yr relationship. sideQ why aren't you married? and you should mean as much as family if not more... Anyways if it's causing you this much pain and discomfort I'd look in to a room for rent with a friend or your own little apt and if you don't have enough money there is always low income ones. No I'm not saying leave him but leave him and his dear aunt space until he relizes that his aunt can't do for him what you do. He may just be one of the smarter males and not even let you leave. DON'T make threats tell him you think the two need ther time and your going to give them space. If he fine with that then theres your answer may not be pretty. Step back and look at the whole situation first though like why is he being like this and why is she. Look at both sides and an on lookers side
2016-05-22 06:33:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! where to begin? i hope you wanted honest answers. first of all, you have already made the first step: moving the hell away. actually when i first started reading i thought you were teen-aged and still living at home (does that tell you anything). be grateful that you only have to spend holidays with these people. also, stop the chain of immaturity in your family, grow up and decide NOT to play the games (that's what they are). seems like maybe you have a bunch of attention starved (so they think) people in your immediate family. you have to realize that your mother is a PERSON, and that maybe things happened in her life that would cause her to act in such a way (tho, my guess is that she has seen it work to her advantage so many times that she sees no reason to stop). try to think from her point of view; what advantage does she have by turning her children against each other? figure out the answer and then stop catering to her. if the bad attention stops, maybe you could try giving her a little good attention. like telling her you appreciate all the effort she put into raising you and your siblings or a telling her you love her.
in short, people act how they have been allowed to act, and they will continue to act in those ways until some one tells them that they cannot do it anymore.
hope that wasn't too harsh and that it helps a little.
2006-11-06 17:45:29 · answer #3 · answered by Spring S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When your family doesn't work for you, you have to create your own family with people you like. Have the holiday with friends and spend as little time with your mother as possible. It'll get easier as you get older, I haven't seen my mother in nearly 2 years. It helps that we've both moved in opposite directions, we're now about 3,000 miles apart.
2006-11-06 17:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by lee m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when it comes rite down to it,family is all we have;sure we have friend`s, but it just isn`t the same as family,try to work with her on it,contact the rest of the members of your family and make them promis to behave themselves,life is way too short to spend the only time of the year for all to get together fighting
2006-11-06 17:50:58 · answer #5 · answered by krusty_blue_spaz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your brother how you feel and he will help you find a way to see each other for the holidays, maybe you can go to his house.
2006-11-06 17:32:29 · answer #6 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say for Thanksgiving...speak to your mom as little as possilbe, but when you do don't be snotty or rude..If she asks for your help, just do it, without an argument. or If you ask her can you help her and she says No, then just say ok.
When your neices come over spend as much time as you can with them.
Then just be thankfull you do have family to spend Thanksgiving with...there will be those who won't have anyone.
2006-11-06 17:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by iwish40 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Invite to your house before or after dinner or just abstain all together and invite the non trouble makers to your house.
2006-11-06 17:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by twysty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋