How do I get him to understand!!!?

Question

My Husband wants to get involved in a life style of swinging and i dont want to damage our marriage. He doesnt understand why. We have been married 10 years and everything until has been great.So what happened? please Help

Answer 1

Has everything been great??? Maybe for you, but obviously something is missing in his life. You need to talk.

Answer 2

I been married to my husband for 24 years and he started all the talk and fantasy concerning the swinger life style. I never agreed to actually swing but allowed him to enjoy his fantasy in the privacy of our bedroom. Close to a year ago things changed. We have a child in college and another one that will graduate high school next year. I had always lived a very conservative life style, and the next thing I knew my husband wanted us to go our to a small bar and I went right along, and yes I also knew that people involved in the swinging lifestyle would be there as well. Not being a drinker I had too much to drink and therefore my inhibitions dropped and I agreed to go along with whatever he wanted. When I close my eyes almost a year later I can still see the other woman on top of him and see the expression of pleasure on his face. I can also still see him with her from behind while he ejaculated. I promise it is not a good memory or one that I would ever recommend. There are always lines you should not cross and with me this was one of them, and no I do not feel the same about my husband nor do I trust or respect him as I once did. Get him to understand that fantasy is one thing and is a safe thing, but once lines are crossed there is no going back no matter how much you wish you could.

Answer 3

When I first got married we went to a marriage counselor. . . they told us that a lot of changes can happen around the 10 year mark. It's kind of like a mini-mid-life crisis. For 10 years, you have been together for a long time and probably have fallen into a relationship that is "comfortable" and secure. Sometimes one or both of you realize that you have a lot more years ahead and they want to do things they wouldn't otherwise have done before. I just think he wants to spice things up in a big way.

If you both agree to do this, then I think it should be fine. But if you have ANY reservations about swinging, discuss them. Try to work something out (maybe consider having rules about swinging--i.e. no kissing of other people). I understand that an idea like this can seem threatening. . . you might think, "is he bored with me?" or "will this lead to cheating?" and those are things you will want to bring up when you talk to him.

In the case that it is something you just can not do (it is definitely not for everyone), consider other options. Maybe try role-playing characters you've never tried before or having sex while watching a porn (you get the feeling of having others there while still protecting your privacy).

Answer 4

Sounds like the hubby is a bit bored with the marriage. Rather than go swinging, try to entertain him in other ways and see if he gets over it. Maybe a cruise if you can afford it? A rented cabin in the mountains for a week? Houseboat trip? Try new things in the bedroom. Take impromptu and different dates.

Question: Has he picked out anyone he wants to swing with yet? Perhaps he's tempted by someone and wanting an affair, but calls it "swinging" so as to keep it generic and avoid the specifics?

Answer 5

Aw, this is cute. Your hubby is having a little fantasy crisis. He's getting bored and he wants to spice things up, right? Is he also buying flashy clothes? Tight pants? Spiking his hair?

If you are not into this corrupted lifestyle, it will surely ruin your marriage. Either he grows up and remains committed and faithful, or you go your separate ways. I hope you can get him to go to counseling. Swinging is perverted, immoral, and contrary to everything that "family" stands for. If there are kids, all the more so.

Find a competent marriage counselor and get him to go with you. If he is adamant about living this sordid new life, start packing, sister. It's not going to get any better from this point forward.

Answer 6

swinging is a dangerous and ultimately detrimental thing in a marriage. even though he may not see it now, inevitably and eventually he will feel jealousy, separation, and more alone than having just you in the first place. i have a friend int the same situation and she went along with it at first to make her husband happy, and of course- in his mind- it was girl on girl and your hubby on girl. what they refuse to see is the selfish angle where your curiosity would come in utilizing the other husband. that's when it rolls down hill. too much testosterone then the marriage falls apart!

i hope this answers your question or help you convey your side better too him.

Answer 7

Understand, that if you bring a flusey in our relationship after I have already said that I am not interested, then it is called an adulturous affair and that is grounds for divorce in which case I will get half and you WILL pay alimony for the rest of your life b/c I will never marry again!!!!!!!!!! So bottom line is, is it all worth it? Tell him you'll put on a wig and he can pretend you are someone else.......smile

Answer 8

You may have to part ways. Nothing happened other than him wanting a change. It's not you...it's him. A lot of people go through this and it can strengthen your marriage or damage it...it can only help it if both parties are open to trying it. If it's not for you, then he's not for you....sorry, but chances are he will cheat if you don't agree. Sorry...and good luck.

Answer 9

before my 10th anniversary, we did it. once with some friends of ours. it was bad. we did it BECAUSE i was being ignored and didn't feel actractive to my husband anymore. i did it because our relationship was lacking. that may be and issue he's having and doesn't know how to express it or ask for what he wants. ask him what you can do to be a better wife to him. ask him what it will take for you to be enough for him so he won't feel like he needs to be with someone else. i know this sounds harsh, but you need to know if he's going thru something. i was and my hubby never knew it. so we did it.. once with some friens, who we never see anymore. a few months after we did it i left him, divorced him, and than 4 months later we got back together, because he realized that wanted me. and needed me.. tha'ts all i ever wanted so i came back to him and we were remarried. it was a hard thing to go thru. don't agree to it no matter what.. it's more likely to cause a divorce than it is to save a marriage, believe me i know. been there, done that.... literally... good luck sweetie..

Answer 10

I wouldn't recommend the swinging lifestyle. I don't believe that both partners are truly happy, sometimes one just goes along because they don't want to lose their spouse, but in the end somebody will probably get hurt.

Answer 11

look to be getting into the mid life blues, and the age is 30+ ? it's not you but you need to know that this is something that can be fixed, stand your ground and watch out for the 2nd sign, of cheating, sorry for the answers but this is going to be totally up to you being able to get him to talk to you and being totally honest with you. when the two of you can talk to each other the problem is starting to being fixed. never give in and let him know why you feel the way you do. take care and good luck.