Last Christmas, I got him a $100 gift certificate. He said "I HATE THAT STORE!!" and threw the gift certificate down on the floor at my feet. He also got all sulky because he was not allowed to watch cartoons while everyone ate dinner.I got him a bunch of clothes for his birthday, and again in the summer because he needed them. He never says thank you. In fact after I got him the clothes for summer, he got VERY nasty with me a few days later.He is 12. The situation used to be worse, belive it or not.(see my other questions)He never appreciates anything, gets ruder to me when I am nicer to him, (lately I have just been avoiding him when he visits)My BF is now disclipiling him when he is nasty to me, but this happened only after I said "Make him behave or visit with him at a hotel on weekends" He never says thank you for anything, I am tired of it.I am thinking of getting him a VERY small gift or nothing..I know it sounds horrible but try a weekend at my house.
2006-11-06 16:24:01 · 21 answers · asked by eastcoastdebra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are right, don't get him anything.
If he can not respect you, without his father telling him to, then he doesn't need anything. You don't reward bad behavior, that only makes it worst. Actually you should have stopped giving to him way before now, but what's done is done. His father may get upset with you, so be prepared for that. Until he learns to respect you without being told, he don't deserve the things you could do for him. I'm sure you work hard for your money, and you don't have too spend it on someone that doesn't your kindness.
2006-11-06 17:28:28 · answer #1 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound horrible to me, it sounds appropriate. And when he says something nasty you can just tell him that you figured he wouldn't like or appreciate it anyway because he never has in the past. Make him think. You have to get smart with kids like this. Sure, he may be going through a hard time himself but children like this need to learn that the repercussions for there behavior will always be there, as well as the unconditional love. These are games he is playing and you have to play them also.
If he is the brat you say he is, I dont think the book on manners will do anything except work against you. Think about it. He will think it's stupid and it will seem catty and he will say "yeah, so what." Those aren't the tactics that kids like this respond to. You have to be tougher without actually being mean. You have to be very clear with him and not let him walk on you to earn his respect.
2006-11-06 16:37:43 · answer #2 · answered by Angela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go a totally different way with this.
I have three children ages 11-17.
I have taught my children to respect any and all gifts they get, even if they don't like them. A simple Thank you or for long distant relatives they write one. If its a repeat gift it goes the same, just smile and say Thank you.
At our house Clothes are the Yuck of all gifts....hate to put it that way.(they all want tech stuff)...even when I get them clothes I get same >>the oh how nice....or really you shouldn't have...with a part smile/blank frown. Yes, they needed them and I thought wow...I would have loved to have these as child.
(Just so you know you are not alone)
idea.....if you are going to stick it out with your BF and you see a future with him maybe this will help....
Have the BF buy the clothes and things hes need. A gift card while nice is kinda impersonal....why not take him shopping and try to bond. What would you like for Christmas...you know you re going to spend around 100...make a day out of it....lunch, movie and shopping or while already out mention that you want to get him a gift he will like.....and such.(let him pick it) It could be a fresh start for the both of you. Something he can control however a a new beginning.....
Let your BF be the provider as you try to bond....when kids are being pulled between two homes emotions are already on a high and then puberty on top of it.
It sounds like you are trying and he is being well....his age...hoping he'll come around for you.
Best wishes
2006-11-06 18:45:23 · answer #3 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not get him anything for Christmas, birthday, Easter, or any day until he can learn to show some respect and apologize for his past behavior and no, it does not sound horrible.
Lay the law down to his father, that until his son can learn some respect and manners, he is banned from your home and it might not hurt to explain to pop that as long as his son is a part of the package, there soon may be no package for him to be a part of.
You would be perfectly within your rights in telling your boyfriend that if he wants to continue seeing you, to get a baby sitter for his son and push for BF to get professional counseling for his son, or he can kiss your relationship goodbye.
Perhaps you should consider whether this relationship should progress any further. You sound like you deserve much better than what you are now getting.
Stand your ground,
Darryl S.
2006-11-06 17:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound horrible at all, what are you a doormat with, "Treat me how ever you like" written on it?
It is very hard for not only kids seeing theyr'e parents with other people, but also for the Parent's new friend... you.
You obviously like this guy if you willing to put up with a 12 year old being an *** to you that isnt even yours.
Unfortunatley, this boy comes with your partner and that can't change so if you are going to be with this guy he comes too.
Good Luck, hopefully his behaviour changes.
2006-11-06 16:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by aussie_chick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine it relies upon on how close you've been with the youngster, and how lengthy you dated the daddy. i'd not hardship about getting the ex some thing, yet i might want to get the youngster some thing. when you're suffering to get the money for the presents see in case you'll discover some thing a lot less extreme priced. I extremely have nephews and a niece, and their presents do not even cost that a lot. attempt objective, Ross, or Marshalls. strong success with this, and strong success in February.
2016-10-16 07:55:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A gift is just that - a gift, something that someone gives of their own free will. Nobody is entitled to receiving gifts. And never is this more true than in the case of entitlement-addicted little brats like your boyfriend's son. His rudeness is absolutely staggering. Don't get him any more gifts - and if he or his father should have the gall to ask you why the pressie well has dried up, explain it to them.
2006-11-06 17:26:47 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I feel for you!!! Have you ever tried asking him why he is so upset with you? He may be upset about the fact that his father is not with his natural mother. He may also have a difficult time at school, and you are an easy target. Twelve is a difficult age. Smile on Christmas, act polite, and let his father be the one who gives the gifts, he may be feeling as thought you are trying to take the place of his natural mother. Good luck to you!
2006-11-06 16:39:31 · answer #8 · answered by Serious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a book store and look for some books on step-children, divorce kids...or whatever.........What you are describing is verrry typical of a child that age in a split family.....Its really not about you.....its about him and his feelings...he probally does'nt even understand why he's such a **** ......But if does sound like the typical actions for his age and situation....Read up on it...There is hope....It may not be easy..but it can get better......But all this would depend on if its worth the battle to you????....He's not a bad kid.....he's just got some issues....and he could probally use some help sorting out his feelings....There are always reasons that kids act out....its not that they are bad just for the sake of being bad(...not most of em anyway!)
2006-11-06 18:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your are not trying to buy the boys affection, and he is not willing to act in a mature manner, I would get him a present appropriate to his situation. A book on manners would be a good idea.
Talk it over with your boyfriend, remember that it is his son and he should take charge of disciplining the boy. When you interact with his son remember, you are the adult and must be the mature one.
You may also want to have a "private" period with your boyfriend to maintain the fun and intimacy of the holiday before his son arrives. It doesn't sound like you will get much when he gets there.
2006-11-06 16:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by Supplicant 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋