My husband isn't attracted to me?never was, why? and does this mean he doesn't love me?

Question

I try really hard but he never wants to do it with me, he hasn't intiated our entire marriage.It just never comes to his head to do it, he lusts after women that look nothing like me.He doesn't even notice if I wear longerie, and tells me not to give him a strip tease, he isn't interested, but he does like the stripper bars, just not me, I am 5'3 120 pounds, blonde and pretty, he doesn't want to talk to me our entire decade of marriage, he always says I am too tired, he doesn't notice I am in the room, I am only a chore to him, but he says he loves me, how come it feels like he doesn't love me?

Answer 1

He needs your love. To lose your love would be a blow to his ego. You mention he goes to strip bars, could be his own guilt is what he is taking out on you and I will tell you from experience, it does not change unless you both get consouling. (s)
I had the same in my first marriage, thought it was me, I'm almost 60 now and know it sure as heck was not me, he threw an iron at me when I came out in a sexy nighty. Called me every name one would call a stripper all the slutty names, not anything to make me feel pretty or sexy, I was too young to use my head . . . use your head, he sure won't use his! He is married, that carries responsability and that means he should not be in a strip bar, he should be with you, one flesh, eh? Please take care of your self, try to get help as a couple if not, you get help enough to get courage to be more independant from him and make some good choices for your future. I bet you are beautiful! Please trust me, it is not you! Your words and caring show you are!

Answer 2

becuase the way it sounds he really doesnt love you and girl if he is not getting sex from you trust me he is getting somewhere like maybe at stripper bars. Maybe he knows he is gulity of cheating and that is his way of pushing you away. Why would you even consider staying in a marriage that has no meaning, love , no anything. You have needs and feelings as he does, and if he cant fullfill those and he going to stripper clubs girl wake up and move on, he sounds like a horrible person, you have to sleep next to him every night wondering if he will kiss you good night, will he iniate sex with you, why is he pushing me away. Do you wanna stay with someone that has no repsect for you and obvisouly no love for you. I mean if you exhausted every way to get him ot have sex with you and he keep refusing then something is wrong and he knows it to. The sad thing is that he has cake and eats to , but its not you thats he eating , your just the cake on the counter waiting to be eaten thats for sure. Start putting yourself out there and dont settle for less then you deserve, imean sex and love are a very special part of marriage and if he cant give that to you then he giving to it to someone else and try not to be so nieve to it. Open your eyes and start sitting back and watching him and just see if there is any change with him. Start fixing yourself real nice a pretty and go out with a girlfriend and come home a little drunk and he see then if wants anything to do with you, and if not then girl you no you gotta go good luck and best wishes

Answer 3

A marriage that is one sided can only last for so long. Sounds like ur hubby doesnt understand what tenderness, kindness,warmth, intimacy and love is if he is going to teh stripbars. Sounds to me like he only wants to satisfy his lustful side and he doesnt value true love making. You need to have a serioussssssss talk with him and try to get him to see a professional marriage counslor before your marriage is gone. Why do people take love and a good woman for granted and vice versa. No sex in the world can take the place of a love trusting marriage and family. NOTHING

Answer 4

I don't know all the details but
#1. You need to open up the lines of communication. This question you asked us on YA, have you asked and told him all this? That is a good step. Get a marriage counselor if he's willing.

#2. Maybe he has a pornography addiction. Perhaps, he has an unrealistic ideal for sex. He may need some intervention for that and help. Look into that too.

Answer 5

You should ask him seriously.Surely its too hard for you. Being ignored by any body is bitter; and how can the one tolerate it from the person whom lives with?! Talk about your problem as soon as possible with him. Tell him that his manner bothers you and your feeling! Let him know that you can do the same with him.Then do not care him for a while! He will understands how hard it is! Of course because you have informed him before , he surely knows whats the reason. Make him to touch it himself.Be sure if he has not you near himself every moment he will miss you if he really loves you.I think this is the solution .
notice: Be careful! may be you yourself are too sensetive.And actualy he loves you and shose it to you but you want more! hummm?
Be honest with yourself.

Answer 6

I don't think that it is right to tell a woman to leave her husband, but when is enough really enough? There is no reason why you should be in a relationship like this. It is not healthy and this is not love. Love is beautiful and wanting. How can love making never come to the head of the person that loves you? I say that you've wasted enough of your time. Go find the beauty of love that you should feel in a mate.

Answer 7

I think at one time all marriage must have this issue. I have heard it from friends, I have exprienced it myself in my marriage and this isnt the first time I have seen this question posted.

The only difference with mine was, we were having sex.. but after that, that was it..he was on his side of the house, I on the other...this went on for months. I finally snapped. Maybe not the correct way to go about it, but I had enough..

he would alway make a "huff" noise anytime I talked to him about something.

Soooooo...I decided to treat him the same way and see where that went.after a few weeks of this,.he questioned me about it and I said.."oh! I thought that this behavior was acceptable since you do this all the time" he response was "I do not" I pointed out a few instances and he finally saw that he was acting like a jerk. Taste of his own behavior worked..He has gotten better..:)

Answer 8

Wow,
Girl, if he says he loves you, he says it for a reason most likely. Did he have a disconnected childhood? You know,is he close with his family? Or does he not know how to show love?
And as far as the strip tease thing, most men don't want to see there women as the whores on stage maybe??? Not sure about that. My husband would love it I think, but he doesn't initaite either. But we have a good sexlife.
Please talk to him in a non threatening way about this and then tell him how you feel.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

oh my God.why are todays questions so hard to give solutions?1stly the long distance relationship thing,2ndly,urs....(i always try my best to hlp,unlike other stupid and useless answers..)u r a women for all men...wat the hell..ok...i m gonna say something bad.pls dun be sad.i suspect that he goes for prostitution or he has a women outside...maybe he prefer more than 1 "dish"...try n put a spy or wat(though it is rather immoral).Another situation which i have thought of is...he cant do "it".maybe he is weak in nature or he met some problems with "it".he doesnt 1 u 2b sad after knowing that he has problems with his penis...if this is the case..he does love you after all.only he hasnt been able to tell you,for he is shy or embarassed...now it depends on how u judge it and find ur own solutions.

Answer 10

This just sounds like a terrible situation don't think the problem lies with you this is all him. He is obviously taking you for granted and I would probably be suspicious of infidelity. Talk to him about marriage counseling and decide if you want to continue in the marriage.