How do I get my husband to understand that I'm not happy?

Question

We have been married for almost 1.5 years and have a 1 yr old daughter. I am very unhappy with a lot of things in our relationship but really really want to work everything out. However, when I try to talk to him about the things that I am unhappy with, he gets all mad and sarcastically says "whatever, it's all my fault!" and won't listen to what I have to say. I don't blame him for anything and I try to make it seem like it's me that has the problem while I talk to him, but the same thing happens. I'm at the end of my ideas and my patience. Any ideas??

Answer 1

Mine is EXACTLY the same way, only we've been married for 5 years. Ive finally realized that our relationship is completely hopeless but it is because of his constant (and completely needless) lying. Yes I'm blaming him everyone, but only because its the truth!
What are things that you're unhappy with right now? Grab a pen & paper right now and take inventory of all the things that you're not happy with, as well as the things that you ARE happy with,the pros and cons of sorts. Set it aside for now..
I agree with what a few other have said, write him a letter & let alllll your feelings out since he seems to not want to listen to the actual words.
A letter is better because you feel more free to just let it all out, you have some time to mentally reflect on the relationship, search for the perfect words you want to say, and you're not going to get interrupted or side-tracked in mid-sentence either. I tried the letter approach but only because I left one day while he was at work but I wanted to let my feelings be known to him. Ok now sit down and get to writing him that letter! Just totally pour your heart out, all your love and hate, the little things he does that bugs you to no end, things you would love to do with him & your daughter as a nice happy family, a town or resturant you'd love for him to take you to one night just 'cause...everything thats in your heart - write it down. Now take your pro/con paper (when he asks about the cons, just say these are things that I am seeing as things *we* need to work on *together*) &fold it inside of your letter you just wrote; dont be fearful in any of this because these are your true blue feelings and he should respect them. Leave it on the table, in his car, on the t.v.remote; wherever he cant help but see it but will be by himself so he can read it without leaving you feeling arkward, and it will give him time to digest everything you just "said" to him as well as giving him time to reflect on his actions. Hopefully he will read every word and fully understand where you're coming from.It may even give him the little push he needs to have a heart to heart talk with you, then maybe he will open up & give you a chance to see things from his point of view. You obviously love him even in this difficult time and want things to get better. This can help you both by building back your happy lives together! : ) I wish you the best, let us know how it turns out

Answer 2

Do not hold your feelings in. You need to find a way to make him listen. And you don't need to take the blame for things that are not you. If you do it will only get worse instead of better. Let him now you are not happy, and that you'll really need to talk before it's too late.

Answer 3

Tell him exactly that, that you're at the end of your patience and that you've tryed long and hard enough to get his attention. If something doesnt change, you're gone. Tell him something like, "Im about to walk out o that door forever unless we can work this out; I have been unhappy or months

Answer 4

Sounds like that man thing - when you tell him there is a problem he thinks you want him to fix it, hence his aggression, be clearer 'you want him to listen' while you sort out your problems for yourself and that he does not need to fix you. Hopefully will take the weight off both of you and things will improve, maybe he not the listening type, can you talk to a girlfriend instead? Good luck either way

Answer 5

SORRY TO HEAR THAT HONEY BUT YOU CAN TRY THESE.
I HAVE A FEW IDEAS SEE WHICH ONE WORKS FOR YOU:

" YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOUR HAVE GOT UNTIL ITS GONE"
LEAVE HIM FOR ABOUT A TWO WEEK, WITH THE KID. GO TO RELATIVES HOUSE AND TELL HIM THAT YOU JUST NEED SOMETIME TO THINK ABOUT WHERE YOUR MARRIAGE IS GOING. WHEN HE BEGINS TO ASK WHY THIS ALL OF A SUDDEN TELL HIM BRIEFLY ABOUT WHATS BEEN ON YOUR MIND.DON'T EXPLAIN IT TO HIM (LIKE SIT DOWN AND TALK), BECAUSE THEN HE WILL WANT TO TALK, BUT WON'T REALLY BE INTERESTED. HE NEEDS TIME FOR HIMSELF TO THINK ABOUT HIS ACTIONS TOWARDS YOU. DON'T CALL LET HIM BE THE ONE TO CALL, WHEN HE'S READY TO TALK THEN COME HOME.

THIS ONE IS SORT OF HARD TO DO BUT IT WORKS:
"SILENT TREATMENT":
SINCE HE THINKS THAT EVERYTHING IS HIS FAULT THEN JUST HAVE NOTHING TO TELL HIM. KEEP THINGS BASIC... HI AND BYE, NO SEX, SOON ENOUGH HE IS GOING TO WONDER WHATS GOING ON.

ALSO THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: NEVER EVER MAKE THINGS SEEM LIKE IT'S YOUR FAULT. IF ITS HIS THEN MAKE HIM OWN UP TO IT, BY LETTING HIM KNOW HOW HE IS MAKING YOU FEEL.

Answer 6

Tell him "I'm unhappy with some of the decisions I have made in my life. Fortunately marrying you was one of the right decisions. But I am not happy right now. Do you love me enough to help me make some improvements in my life?" Only an idiot would say "no" to that. Make it about you, and new decisions you want to make, then gradually get him involved, and make it about "we" and "us". Good luck.

Answer 7

this is very common for men to try to make you feel that you have hurt them, it gets you to stop and leave him alone, try to approach him in another way, not knowing how or the mode he's in while your trying to talk to him is going to limit our answers we'll be able to give to you. your both young and have a lot to learn from one another. not everyday will be the best and your going to find that in time your want to get a gun and fix the problem with him, working and talking together is the only way to find the answers to any questions. he has the problem with talking for he doesn't see the problem you have, you need to find away to talk to your husband and once this is completed you'll see a life you all ways wanted for your family.

Answer 8

Go to counseling. How about giving us an example of the problems that are making you unhappy.

Answer 9

I wish I had a better answer for you....My first marriage was like that and the only solution was a divorce. I hope you have better luck. I am now happily married to a person I can communicate with.

Answer 10

Write him a letter telling him how you feel and ask him to write back to you explaining his side of things. Sometimes it's easier to put it on paper than it is to say it out loud. All the best.