I need your help about an abusive relationship. . .?

Question

I have been dating this guy for 3 years in Nov. For the first 6 months, it was magic. Then, he moved in and started having temper tantrums. Literally, he will throw things, jump up and down on the bed naked screaming at me, he came at me with a knife and cut a bracelet off my wrist, he smacked me in the face, he screams at my dogs and they cower around me. All my friends hate him. He is definitely verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. But he is involved in the business I own. And I am so confused because he is not like this all the time, when he is not having a tantrum he is wonderful. Ive tried to get him to get help. Then 2 months ago I almost physically cheated with an ex boyfriend because I was so miserable. Im just so confused. I dont know how to break it off, Im a little scared too, and Im worried about my business. Thank god there are no children involved. Should I leave and if so what is the best way to get out and save my business. . . Thanks

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your concern and support. I dont have any family (all dead) and this has been so tough - I just feel so alone, and my ex boyfriend (who got married 9 months ago!!!!! dont worry I sent him back to his wife) made me realize how unhappy I was with being treated this way. The guy doesnt own ANY of my business, but he can definitely make it difficult for me with my clients. My house has holes in the walls from him throwing **** at me. Im going to work on a plan to get him out of my life - better to be alone and lonely than dead.

Answer 1

Get yourself out safely first........then worry about the business. Do you realize that he has the potential to kill you when he goes on one of the rages? Get a restraining order against him and get the advice of an attorney to dissolve his involvement in your business affairs

Answer 2

Get the hell out of there!

I understand that you have invested allot of time, energy and money in to your business. Running a business is akin to relationship all in it's own but somethings are more important. You're personal safety should NEVER have been an issue in this relationship between you and your boy friend!

People only change for themselves and changes instigated by constraints or demands from other people will only last a short while. This is better known as compliance "sure I'll do what you say until you put the knife down. Then I am going to run!" or "OK, that didn't get me what I wanted so I'll try 'x' for a while".

The apparent lack of respect and trust should be throwing some serious warning flags.

Point blank, learn to respect yourself. Get a restraining order and LOSE THE LOSER.

This is not a normal relationship and by your posting this I gather that this is not the way you want to spend the rest of your life.

Focus on changing tangible things in your life. Far better for you and your business to move to a new town then to be only a photo on the 6 PM news.

I can't say this enough, control is given not assumed or taken. Doing nothing is guaranteed to change nothing.

If this still doesn't work, make a phone call to your dad (or someone close), say a prayer if you want and clear your mind.

Answer 3

damn right you should leave. you should of left long ago. he screams at you, then there was the knife thing , and the smack in the face. IT WONT GET BETTER!!!!!!!!!!! regardless of the business YOU MUST GET OUT OFTHIS RELATIONSHIP. break away and restart the business. i know it will be hard to build up again but try to take as many clients as you can with you. if they ask why you are splitting be honest. dont break down and tell all the details, just say that he is physically and emotionally abusive and leave it at that. 99% of your clients will stay with you and kick him to the curb. i have known a few "men" and i use that term loosely who have been like your bf, and it has ALWAYS progressed to more and harder beatings for the ladies, the only thing these boys understand is violence, for whatever reason, dont accept his appology, dont give him another chance - you already have. leave while you can.

Answer 4

I would forget the business right now, worry about yourself!! Take your money and run woman!! Gather your belongings and move out. Leave. Move to another state if you have to. You can start your business again some where else. Getting yourself out of the relationship is the most important thing right now. Get everything that belongs to you that's in the business and take it with you so you can start again.
You really should have had him arrested before when he's done things to you. Now he'll go after some one else and hurt them. Just a observation...If you happen to run into him again in the future, don't hesitate to call the police. Otherwise, it'll never end!! He needs to take responsibility for his acts and wrong doing. So far he's gotten away with hurting you and that's just wrong and unfair to you and you're business. Thank God you don't have children. And I don't blame you for wanting to cheat on that miserable SOB. I know you're scared, but that's normal. But you better get out before he ends up killing you someday!! Pack your belongings and leave!!! It's the only way!!! Good luck.

Answer 5

Dont worry about your business--Worry about saving your sanity, your chance for a happy life and get out.
He may not be like that all the time, but why pretend that your happy with him because you might be --some of the time--?
You deserve stability and it is out there. Normal healthy men don't act this way--trust me--I've been there and I now have a loving husband--The difference is night and day.
You said yourself there are no children so there is nothing you can't get out of here--It's if you can bring yourself to leave him...and you should.

Answer 6

First of all ,abusive men rarely change even after they receive counseling. Right now your life is on the line and you should think more about yourself than your business. These types of relationships often end in tragedy and the men are real charmers when they are not abusing you. All cities have domestic violence shelters and people who can assist you, but you need to get out before it is to late. They usually have an attorney services connected to the domestic violence agencies and they can give you suggestions on your business. I don't know what type of business you are in but I do know it is not worth your life.

Answer 7

I don't know how to get out the relationship without affecting your business... But I do know that you definetely should end that relationship!!! You don't want to get married or lived the rest of your life with someone that sometimes get crazy!! You need to do something right away!! Think slowly, I am sure that you can find a smart way to break with him. But quickly... each time, the fights could get worse!!! DOn't try to change him... they never do...

good luck!! Your LIFE is more worthly than your BUSINESS!!! ok??

Answer 8

You need a restraining order...That's the only way to assure he stays away while you are at work and home. I've been in your situation twice and there will be no third time! Your life with him maybe good when he wants it to be and what about what you want? It may sound a bit selfish but in order to take care of yourself and well being, you need to put yourself first! All the advise I can give...Good Luck with your choice.

Answer 9

Yes, you need to get out of this bad relationship now. As far as the business, without facts, it would only be speculation on what to do. If he is legally an owner, you must buy him out. If you can't, the business may fold. But remember, the priority here is you, so the business is second on the list.

Answer 10

See a lawyer and get a court order preventing him coming near you or your business. Just because he's involved in the business doesn't mean you have to put up with his actions and next time he is violent call the Police.