Is it reasonable to expect your wife to do this?

Question

If you are a married man and the sole breadwinner in your home. You work 45 hours a week and still come home and play with the kids (changing diapers and that sort of thing included).

Your wife does not work, but instead is a stay at home mom. She takes care of your 1 year old son and 8 year old daughter (when she's not in school), does the shopping, and most of the cleaning but not all of it.

While you recognize that being a housewife is not a life where she sits with her feet up watching TV and relaxing all day, and is a lot of work; is it reasonable to expect 2 very nice home-cooked dinners per month. (Not tossing Mac-N-Cheese in a pot, but an actual 3-course well prepared meal).

If you go to work and make all of the money, and still come home and help out around the house, it would be reasonable to expect this from your wife, would it not?

I have asked this of her and she has complained (not quietly) that she slaves away all day and that if I want a "fancy" dinner I should cook it myself.

Answer 1

its very reasonable ,maybe you can offer to get her some cooking classes as a way to have some her time with out the kids then she will cook for you to try them out everybody wins.

Answer 2

Ok, I will start with the obvious....being a stay at home mom is hard work....sometimes. I would say 50% IS putting your feet up and watching tv. I'm a stay at home mom and believe me, it's totally what you think it is. Yes the baby is fussy sometimes, but they tend to occupy themselves most of the time. The 8 year old is in school right? There ya go.
Second, I have a 3 course meal prepped every night! If it's for the grill I make the burgers, marinate the chicken, whatever. It's not hard. I think instead of nagging her about though, maybe you could slip her some really easy recipes. Cooking is not hard. But it's very intimidating if you don't know what your doing.
Now, I believe that every person has a right to choose the life they want for themselves, but when you have children, I'm sorry, but a mothers first priority and responsiblity lies in the home. It's not too much to ask, but maybe you could encourage her to take a cooking class instead of what she is doing. :)

Answer 3

I don't think its unreasonable for you to want that

Shes very fortunate to get to stay home with the kids and be a sahm. I have always worked until very recently when I had my 3rd child. Now I don't cook fancy meals everyday but at least 3 to 4 times a week. I keep the house cleaned for the most part, (sometimes my 4 month old has a day where he wants my attention more so on one perticular day and not so much on the next and I may not get everything done but thats life.)

She shouldn't get mad when you simply ask for a nice dinner every now and then.

Maybe she needs to go to work and find out how little time she actually will have left to do things. She will appreciate getting to stay home a lot more if she experienced the work life for a while..

Hope it gets better.

Answer 4

I personally am a "stay at home" Mom. My day is as so: 7 am get up, 7:30 get hubby off to work and son to school, go back to sleep (try)for a couple hours and get up get daughter on bus to school, clean and errands for 3 hours and have dinner every night for him when he comes through the door....then I work 6-12 midnight. It does not have to be an expensive or elaborate dinner with folded fabric napkins! I do crock pot dinners or prepare 7 dinners at the beginning of the week and freeze them. I understand your sense of discouragement , but maybe give her some ideas of what you would like. Show her that you appreciate her with flowers to put on the table. It's not easy doing the job, but I agree a home cooked meal would be nice occasionally.

Answer 5

I believe its reasonable to expect a nice home cooked meal. I am in the same position i am a SAHM and i take care of our 4 year old daughter while my hubby works a long week. One thing i always try to make sure of is my hubby has dinner when he comes home weather it be mac n cheese and hot dogs or a pot roast with potatoes and carrots. Bring it up to your wife that you would love Sunday to be a big meal day thats what i do. Last weekend i made country fried steak home made with mashed potatoes and a veggie. It is difficult during the week because im sure she has so many things going on and shes very busy and at the end of the day she wants to do something simple. Bring up the point to your wife what you like to eat and it may help some and try the big meal on the weekend and see how that works

Answer 6

Yes it is reasonable, but it depends on the 3 course meal. If your talking entree, starch and vegetable then yeah. Those things can take less than an hour to cook. My parents have been married for 33 years this month and recently my mother has started working 8 hour days. She still has dinner on the table for father 80 percent of the time. Try to find out why she doesn't cook. Maybe a new stove would help or a new set of pots and pans. Or maybe she just doesn't now how to cook. A lot of people find the kitchen intimidating. She may be one of those people.

Answer 7

Frankly the hardest job in the world is a stay at home wife and instead of asking her to cook a fancy dinner...even if its for twice a month...is not right. You should instead offer to take her out to a fancy dinner and let her take a break from the whining of the children and the other messes that come up with at home 24 hours of the day. A three course meal is a lot of effort and to slave away for hours only to have it gulped down....I'm not sure why any woman would want to do it and I think its best that you take her out instead. I work and so does my wife but when we come home we take time out to make a one course dinner every night together and we go out too to give ourselves a break. So either you help her in the kitchen cooking the fancy meal or take her out to one if you want it. Believe me, your wife will really love you for it!

Answer 8

No, but your approach & attitude is screwed up. Drop the sole breadwinner, hours worked, playing with the kids, caring for them & cleaning trip. You both work your asses off. That's being responsible and goes with being married and having kids. Maybe you should focus on HER expectations instead of your own. Might open your eyes.

Glad to see you recognize it's not Bon Bon's & soaps. I stayed home & cared for my 6 mo old for 6 weeks. No help until my wife came home from work. I was exhausted. Work was so much more relaxing than meeting the constant needs of kids. Plus, you're probably getting some adult interaction.

My solution: you do one night a month, she does one night a month and just the two of you go out one night a month. A little icing might be urging her to have a 'girl's night out' with her friends once a month. Who knows, maybe you'll get more than the 2 a month!

Answer 9

I am a stay-at-home mom for the first time. I worked full-time with my two older sons, but we have a new baby and now I am going to be home for a while. I don't think you are expecting too much and there is nothing like a good home-cooked meal. I have friends who order in every night or do the mac&cheese or microwave something. It is amazing that you can even buy buckets of mashed potatoes that you microwave. It is very east to make fresh mashed potatoes. Maybe your spouse is depressed or something???Try talking to her about nutrition and how much you do appreciate her home cooked meals. I go on the internet and get a lot of new recipes and my husband always appreciates it which makes me happy. Kids need to have balanced meals. Good luck.

Answer 10

Then your response to her should be if you want money then you should go out and make it yourself. She should make you dinner maybe not every night but at least most of the time. How hard is it to put a tri tip with baby potatoes and carrots and onions in a crock pot with some spices that is even easier then making mac and cheese. I understand it has to be hard to have a little one around but she can cook while the baby is napping. Your not asking for to much that should be her job. I work full time and most of the time I still come home and cook dinner. Tonight I put chili beans in the crock pot made some frozen veggies and had bread and butter. If I can do it she can to.

Answer 11

It's reasonable, very. I stay at home and cook 5 meals a week. Biggest on Sunday so Monday is leftovers and we order out on Saturday. I cook everything from scratch and it takes no more than 1 hour most days. And tell her homemade mac and cheese is very easy. Buy a crock pot for her. Toss ribs and ah-so sauce and cook on low all day. Veggies take nothing and boil rice with it. Homemade food doesn't have to be hard. Pasta sauce can be made in the crock. I throw everything in the night before. I could go on. Or come to our house for dinner. Just kidding.