Is he cheating?

Question

i caught a registration for adult friend finder in his e-mail- he said it was old, but it said welcome aaron, and later there was an e-mail from someone saying- hey there lovely, I saw your profile and I'm coming down to your city this weekend, should we meet? you won;t be dissapointed. with an e-mail address attached to write back, he said it was spam and he gets them all the time.
we have a 3 month old son. I love him so much, but I've been hurt enough. what do you think? what should I do?

Answer 1

I don't think it means he's cheating. I think it means he's fishing. Be more skeptical of that story, make him think you're on to him, and maybe he'll shut it down.

Answer 2

Adultfriendfinder is crap, like most other so-called 'adult' dating sites. The site is full of fake profiles that try to get men to join other XXX sites. AFF is more akin to 'porn.com' than 'match.com'.

The email he received is likely either SPAM, or a message from an escort, although the first seems more likely. Either way, it doesn't seem likely that he's actually CHEATING....yet. Even though it's spam, it sounds like he did in fact sign up for an account.

I agree with another poster that he may be fishing. Then again, he might just be looking at free nude pics and fantasizing. Whether this is 'wrong' depends on the boundaries that you and he have established in your relationship. For example, I've had girlfriends who would bring home the occasional xxx movie, and others who threatened to break up with me for looking at Maxim.

Regardless of your husband's answer, I think you need to clarify the boundaries. If it bothers you, tell him that it's not OK for him even to browse AFF, match.com, or other sites that could potentially lead to him having an affair. Assuming you're OK with it, you might also outline adult sites that you feel ARE acceptable, if he needs that kind of release.

And ask him to be open about what his needs are. The birth of a child puts strain on ANY relationship, and your sex life might have suffered during your pregnancy and might still be suffering. He might feel tied down, etc., etc. I'm not making excuses for him, but just taking a shot in the dark at what might be causing his behavior. Be calm and proactive; try to avoid threats and ultimatums that could compound any desire he might have to cheat or flee. Remember - your goal is open dialog that will lead to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship, not assigning blame or making accusations.

Answer 3

i believe we all get strange e mails from those dating sites,i haven't been on any dating sites in over 2 years, but still get e mails. i would not accuse him of anything, unless i knew for sure. just start communicating more,being closer to him, tell him u love him, focus on the relationship,and not the e mail's but keep an open eye. maybe set some boundaries, tell him your feeling a bit hurt, and unsure be open with him, and see what he says to u, tell him u want the marriage to work, so when u saw the e mail it caused u to wonder, and feel hurt, and want the best for u and him. tell him u value his love too much to loose it. and if he loves u back, he won't go to those sites anymore.

Answer 4

Well hun...old or not its wrong...just look at the date of the email it will tell you...but if you love him belive him if not just take your son and get out...u don't need to raise your son into a relationship that there is no trust, if there is no trust then there is nothing.. if i were you i would keep an eye on those emails and make srue nothing else is going on...or write that letter back and tell her to go away and leave you alone, just pretending that you are him telling her that you have a happy family and all that stuff...
GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Believe it or not, sometimes those damn things do pop-up like that. However, instead of mentioning that you found it. The best ways to catch a man cheating are in NOT telling them what you know.
It's always good to have a bit more info before confrontation. With him telling you it was old you could have verified the date when it was sent to him.

If you want to know if he's cheating then you confront him and trust what your gut instincts tell you. Good luck

Answer 6

If he knows you have his email, why would he do that? I know that there are emails like the one he received that come from 3rd party sites. Keep him on short leash and let him know that there is no room for adult-friend finder sites in your marriage. He needs to be open with you. Someone who has nothing to hide hides nothing.

Answer 7

Well first off, what were you doing reading his email? Try respecting his privacy for once and show a little trust in the man you love so much. The kind of behavior you've demonstrated says more about your character than it does his.

Answer 8

I've seen adult friend finder as a pop up before, so he may have not been searching for it, maybe he was just curious. Did he email her back? you should have let it go and waited to see if he emailed her back

Answer 9

I've seen spam like that before. They come in so many differnet forms, especially like that one. "Hey cutie, I'm here to see you. Shall we meet up?" is one of the popular phrases dating sites like to throw your way, only an idiot would believe it's real. Perhaps he's really telling the truth and it really is spam.

Answer 10

Might not be cheating. To some men it seems like a game and they never really plan on meeting anyone. However, let him know that this hurts you very much that he is going to other places for on line sex or more.

Answer 11

WOW. I feel badly for you. Sounds like alot to take in.

If you love him and trust him, then maybe he's telling you the truth.

But on the other hand, how could it be spam??

Hugs.