sometime over the spring/summer I helped my husband stop using dip. I got him Mint snuff and he was doing great. but several months ago I noticed he was spitting in to a bottle again, he told me that swallowing the mint gave him heart burn. I have asked him AT LEAST 3 times if he was back to using real dip, and he alwasy told me no, that was buying the mint snuff at a local store. ( I use to mail order it) So tonight after he went to sleep I dug the mint/dip box out of his pant pocket and checked it. I smelled it and even put a dap on my tongue... ITS REAL DIP! He has been putting the real stuff in an old mint snuff box! Soooo I superglued the top on it, then I put tape across the top and wrote, "this is not mint! why do youi lie to me?" and put it back in his pants pocket, he will find it in the morning some time.
Am I right to be mad at him for lying to me for so long?
2006-11-06 13:54:27 · 18 answers · asked by grapelady911 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he has high blood pressure and heart palpatations, his father died at age 59 from heart problems, they run in his family. both his grown boys 21 asn 25 have heart problems, the 25 yr old has already had 1 heart attack. I feel he isnt thinking about how his health affects me too... I wi ll be the widow or the one takinig care of him whenhe does get sick.
2006-11-06 14:07:20 · update #1
Not only are you right for being angry because he lied and kept it from you for so long. But it's such a horrible habit, and you have a right to be mad over that as well. He sounds like he's got an addiction, and yes addiction can be to dip as well. He needs some serious help and you need to be tough with him. Good luck!
2006-11-06 13:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by Rayslittlegurl 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have had that problem with my husband dipping behind my back too and It makes me mad. So I ask me how would you feel if I started smoking everytime you dipped (not that I would) right in the house next to you.....the reason why I use smoking is because his mother is dying from it so for he most part I think he has stop and plus you cant get that in China either. Just keep trying I know it a hard thing to deal with but maybe it will work for you.
2006-11-06 14:32:14 · answer #2 · answered by Blue 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a right to be upset. Let me guess, it's more the fact that he was lying to you than the actual dip thing. That makes sense to us, but when you try to tell him it's about the lie, not the dip, chances are he won't understand. Just try to stay level headed. If you get mad at and to him, he will just get defensive and the real problem will not be addressed. I hope you and he can move beyond this! Good Luck!
2006-11-06 14:01:17 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I definetly think are you in the right for being mad. I can't stand lying, that is one of my biggest pet peeves. My fiancee went through something like this, but his was pot. He has stopped now, but he would sneak and do it. His dad has all the heart issues and stuff. Had his first heart attack at age 35, my fiancee is 29. He still smokes cigs, but so do I, so I can't say anything about them. We have been discussing stopping though. I know how you feel. He lied to me about it once, but it wasn't that he was doing it, it was about how much he was doing it. Stay strong and keep letting him know you want him around for a long time, that is what I did. Just let him now you care about him and his health, it seemed to make our relationship stronger. Good luck.
2006-11-07 08:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol, I agree with you, sharing ones dental history is not part of the dating process. I don't think I would have mentioned it either, not because I was trying to hide anything from him, but because I simply wouldnt have thought to mention it. Like you said, its not like you have dentures, you're not taking them out everynight, constantly being reminded that they aren't real. I dont see the problem here. I kinda get his point, like, 26 years and you haven't mentioned this yet? BUT more importantly, why would you? I had a tummy tuck several years back, and I dont go around telling the people I date. I've been with my fiance for a long time, and I don't even think I mentioned it to him until he asked me what the scaring was from.... And dont think I ever would have, not because I wanted to KEEP it from him, but just because, why would I tell him that? "Hi I'm Anna, I'm 23 years old, I have a 3 year old little boy, I like hiking, fishing, and canoeing, and several years ago I got a tummy tuck"..... Just doesnt float its way into a normal conversation.....
2016-05-22 05:51:55 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, but he obviously is overcome by his addiction to it to the point of lying to you because he knows you'll be disappointed. I gave up on trying to get my husband to quit that stuff. Whenever he quit, he would start smoking at work from the stress. So it's one of the two, the lesser of two evils.
He can only quit for himself, and if he needs help, try again. But don't let it mess things up. Maybe he can tell you something about the way you behaved about it in the past or something else that might explain why he was keeping it from you.
2006-11-06 14:03:36 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well of course your anger is justified. He lied to you. However, what you did is just as immature. You need to just talk about this face to face as two mature adults. I know that sounds harsh but you've only made the situation worse by doing that to him. Physical dependency can be really hard to kick. He HAS to be honest with you if/when he starts using again but you also have to try to be a little bit more compassionate and supportive. And obviously you havve been supportive, but keep the support going even when he screws up. He's only human.
2006-11-06 13:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by ixi26c 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First, before getting too angry, consider his reasons for lying...maybe he was afraid to tell you because of how you would react? It sounds like there is a communication problem between you two. Explain to him that it hurt you to find out he lied, but then ask him why he started dipping again. Then ask him if he wants you to help him again. Pick your battles. This is not worth fighting over.
2006-11-06 13:58:16 · answer #8 · answered by kari w 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If this is your biggest problem, let it go. You could be finding out something far worse than his addiction to chew. Sure it is gross, but it is like smoking, ikt is hard to quit. He wants to pleae you so he has resorted to lying. If it REALLY drives you crazy, then find another boyfriend. I am not for or against chew, it is bad for the gums and teeth, but he is of age, I assume, it is legal and it is his choice. If this were a case of cocaine, hreroin, meth, the like, I would answer differently, but chew? Live with it or leave him. Do not turn into the controlling wench of the year, he has a mother to do that. You know?
2006-11-06 14:01:30 · answer #9 · answered by Valerie 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Oh God...Let it go!!! It's Dip!! You might think he was using heroin. Stop nagging him. He's a grown man. If he wants a dip let him enjoy it, rather than pestering him with mint dip. Your lucky he's a gentleman and accepted the mint just to make you happy. Other guys would have told you where to stick that mint stuff.
2006-11-06 14:00:07 · answer #10 · answered by ManOfTheHour 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋