My wife and I have been happily married for 5 years and have a 21 month old son. However, she recently told me that, though she still loves me very much, that she no longer is sexually attracted to me. She still has desires, but she says just not for me (she hasn't cheated on me). She says it's nothing I have done, and she feels very bad about it herself. What can we do to reignite the spark?!
2006-11-06 12:58:00 · 23 answers · asked by Brent S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds really silly but start dating, get a babysitter get dressed up and go out for a meal together tell her she looks nice do all the things you done when u first met good luck
2006-11-06 13:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by kitten6444 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a child at that age it's a wonder she feels anything really. you have to set aside some time for the two of you. It may be she just feels nothing for anyone and sex is the last thing from her mind, besides the hormones really are disturbed before during and after giving birth. Make date nights. At all costs, You find someone to take care of Johnny and make the arangements. Don't think sex. think giving her rest and time and something fun and relaxing to do, no pressure on her. Even if at the end of the night you just get to cuddle, be happy with that and play solitaire the next time you get a chance. Try this at least twice a month. Even if it's just a movie and an ice cream or whatever. Listen to her. Try to get her to laugh and smile again. Also, compliment her on how she looks and be sincere, talk about something besides your work and the baby. Maybe one night just devote it to her. Let her have a couple of days notice on these date nights. That night tellher you're staying home, this is after you've tried the out of the house things and they are working ok. Stay home and let her do nothing! Change the linen for her, turn on soft music. Run her a nice bubble bath, have her something to put on all ready, spray around some smelly stuff, light a candle. buy some chocolate, lubricant and maybe a movie, a romantic or comedy, just in case! Then depending on how she reacts, oh take a shower and make sure all is clean and smelling really good. Then put her to bed. You can cuddle and watch the movie or ask her to dance to that music. Always ask her what she wants to do. Go by her cues . If you get lucky, be gentle, very, very, she's not a sack of potatoes. Anything you touch make sure it's with the lightest touch possible. Anthing you rub make sure it's not too hard or too long but ask what feels good and do that. You'll know by her reaction. Please her first, don't even think about you. Use the lubricant, don't let it be up to her, it will all feel better with it take it from me. Then make sure you do what she wants and how she wants it. Please her and I will hope it works out for you both. She is feeling tired, out of shape, unattractive and uninteresting and you have to make sure she is all those things to you. don't give up. She may be crying for help to save the relationship and doesn't know how to do it any other way. Make her feel special on date night but also during other times too. Ask about her day, let her have a little personal time when you can. Take the baby to the park and let her take a long bath or just do nothing. Give her personal time. Good luck. Hope this helps.
2006-11-06 13:38:39 · answer #2 · answered by MISS-MARY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard for men, I think. When women have children they often experience difficulty reconciling the role of mother and lover. It often forces them to choose and since they can't really give up being mommy they give up being a lover to their husband. In your case, however, she is telling you that she desires other men. I think it's much more complicated than just reigniting the spark. Is she asking for separation or divorce? Does she want to see other men? I think that if the two of you want the marriage to work, professional help is in order. I doubt that you will find what you need here. Try this site. marriagefittness.com Be sure to read the whole thing. It is very unlike counseling and I have seen it work much better. Good luck
2006-11-06 13:08:28 · answer #3 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some marriage counselling. There must be an underlying cause for your wife to not be sexually attracted to you anymore. Maybe all the motherhood related activities inhibits her from feeling sexy with you because you remind her or are the cause of her not feeling sexy. Confusing right? But there's some sense in there. Prepare for a second honeymoon to reignite the spark.
2006-11-06 13:02:00 · answer #4 · answered by Trillian 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your wife is on the process of Post Natal Depression like most mother experience after giving birth to a child. Yo can be romantic with her again if you like. Or try courting her again. Probably you need to be "sexy and attractive again". Try going to the gym and firm up some muscles... then wear a sexy tanga when you sleep.... who knows these suggestions might help you. I am not married by the way. Good luck!!!
2006-11-06 13:03:09 · answer #5 · answered by bugi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm usually all touchy feely when i answer questions, but my response is ..... dump that cooze! I'd be totally bummed, which I would hide by acting all pissy. That totally blows. Start drinking with your single friends, and be prepared for 16 1/2 years of child support. The good news is, you'll be banging 22 year olds in no time, even if it leaves you feeling empty and cold inside. :D
2006-11-06 13:20:34 · answer #6 · answered by captainmcsorley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try and set the mood by making a romantic dinner with candles get a babysitter for the night and pop in a romantic movie. Hopefully this will help write me if its a good idea
2006-11-06 13:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by lil_payton05 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there's something going on. It sounds like an excuse to me and not a very good one. This doesn't just happen for no reason. There is something she is unhappy or depressed about. It would probably do you both some good to see a marriage counselor.
2006-11-10 09:25:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love, being in love and sexual attraction goes beyond the skin.
I think she might be contimplating an affair. You need to go to a marriage counselor.
2006-11-06 13:15:02 · answer #9 · answered by MrsJR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is possible her hormones are still out of wack and it is possible she has some ideas of being over weight complement her every day do romantic things or if all else fails try other sexual positions that is always fun oh and try @nal sex that usually puts the spark back
2006-11-06 13:02:29 · answer #10 · answered by neun_und_sectzig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋