my husband and i are great together but the other day he got so mad at me for something stupid and kicked a chair and it flew above me and knocked a clock off the wall on to my head then he flipped over a chair I was sitting in, he apologized but I just don't feel the same about him, I love him to death but I just feel scared of him and dont' think I should feel scared of someone I love, I don't know what to do.......should I leave him? I have been with this man for 10 years and have two kids with him and we have so much together but he swears this won't happen again, but who says it is true should I wait and see should i leave him I have so many mixed emotions and don't know what to do, please give some helpful suggestions.....
2006-11-06 12:40:08 · 18 answers · asked by ajboxx04 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not the first time is it? There is more things he's done but you can't even begin to type all of it, can you? When you met him over 10 years ago he was prince charming wasn't he? Then you got married and had children and he changed. Sometimes he's nice and you just love him so much and everything is great and your happy and feel secure. Then there are days that he is hateful and verbally abusive and throws things and you are scared and want to leave with your children, but then you think about how he used to be a long time ago and you remember how he love you and he was good to you and then you think you'll stay just a little bit longer just to see if he'll change back into that same prince you once knew. He's not, he won't, and he doesn't want to. You will spend the rest of your life hoping and praying for him to change. He will swear that this won't happen again, but it will. If you truly feel fear when he comes near and you feel yourself only thinking about ways to make him happy so he won't be mean or yell, then it's time to go. Life is too short. Don't stay just to let your children grow up to think what daddy is doing is right. Then they will grow up and treat their wives the way he treats you or your daughters will go out and find men like him.
I've learned that: YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. You can do anything you want, just do it.
2006-11-06 14:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by samanthajane19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that is hard. 10 yrs. is a long time. Is he under any stresses that you know of, say financial burdens, his job, and don't forget his health. Now, if he has hyperthyroidism, is he loosing weight, eating a lot, always on the go and nervous acting? That sounds like some drugs like coke or crystal meth but it can also be hyperthyroidism. And I know all about that one. You have no control over your emotions at all, it's like you are posessed and have no control. I would tell my husband(sweet man) off and my kids and then cry and then yell and just was insane. They need to check his thyroid by a blood test. I am serious. If he's not a drug user and you know that for sure that may be it. Otherwise it could really be stress. Evveryone in the house should make an effort to make things easier for him. Don't cause him any extra problems. If it's the thyroid, he may have to go for a test and then they'll decide. But, until all this is sorted out, be good to him. Don't give him any reason to explode. He is not in control, honestly. Get him in ASAP. It takes about 4 days to get the test back. If this is it at least it is fixable and his job must be he** for him while this is going on because honestly, I had not an oz. of control. It was pitiful. I hate to hope for an illness but, if he is not prone to this it may be this. I wish you luck and Love your way. Talk to him about it very carefully and look on google to match symptoms hyperthyroidism..you might want to print one out, find a simple site that doesn't scare him to death but will explain in simple terms to him what it is. Good night!
2006-11-06 12:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by MISS-MARY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have explained I think he needs to see a anger management specialist and work out his frustrations with them instead of you. There must be something bothering him badly (if this is the first time he has done this).
I have been abused in the past and this situation needs to be dealt with immediately or the situation can get much much worse.
If he is unwilling to get help with his temper then my opinion is for you and your children to leave before it gets really bad. Once a person has lost their temper the way he has there is no turning back unless he seeks help for it.
Abusers (both men and women) tend to "test" the waters with short little outbursts like this to see if they can get away with it, then they take the next temper tantrum to a slightly higher level.
Abusers also do not admit they are abusers, it is a unconscience action on their part, and they do not think they should be held accountable for their actions. Behavior, like what you have explained, is learned and taught and needs to be treated right away before it gets too violent.
And, even if this IS a one time thing, I still believe he needs to get help with whatever is bothering him.
2006-11-06 13:00:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this out of his caracter? if he has never done this before then you should just tell him that you are scared of him and you can work it out sometimes people just loose it for no reason. But if this is something that happens sometimes then he needs some angermanagement. You do not want to leave if he is just going thru something he may need you but might not know how to tell you or he is worth leaving sit down and think about all the years you have been together and then make your decision.
2006-11-06 12:47:37 · answer #4 · answered by twinki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have children and even if your willing to put up with this kind of abuse you have no right to allow your children to go through it. I realize he didn't hit you or call you names (yet), but this is how it starts and it will just get worse. I'm not saying you should leave him but you should demand counseling and if he refuses well, all I can say is if it were me I'd be gone before it gets worse and believe me it will and most abusers don't stop with the spouse it will eventually spread to your children. And there are a lot of women that take their pain out on their kids. I know your thinking "not me, I'd never do that" well you have to have some kind of release. I have seen what some women put their kids through because they were abused.That doesn't mean you will start beating them but they will end up suffering one way or another just watching him treat you bad is a form of child abuse if you ask me.
2006-11-06 12:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the kids and leave for a few days until he comes to his senses. If he hasn't done this in the past then I wouldn't worry too much. Did he apologize? I would definitely recommend counseling before it escalates any further.
I had a good friend that lost her life to an abusive husband. She went back to him just one more time hoping he had changed. He thought she was sleeping but it was too late.
2006-11-06 12:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in m experience this kind of behsvior just esculates into something even more nastier than you thought. Eventually he will most likely hit you.
I wouldn't go running out the door just yet. if this is the first time he has been physical, go to a counsler or just drop it. If it happens a 2nd time, he realizes that you are just going to take it so he'll keep actinh violent and abusive.
Then there's the kids, maybe he'll act that way in front of them. Then they will grow up to be short tempered and abusive too.
Noone is worth that aggravation.
2006-11-06 12:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by Alexis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is this the first time he has done this in 10 years? if so, I would forgive him. he is human and he got mad and messed up. however if this occurs way too often, then either seek counseling if possible, or get him to talk about it, or just deal with it as a bad trait. does he drink allot? does it happen when he drinks? you need to ask yourself questions as to what may be causing this pent up anger. Could be something at work he has no control over and when he gets home, he loses it. you need to look at yourself and see if you are doing things to piss him off. seriously. look at ever aspect before you leap to conclusions and just leave.
2006-11-06 12:47:57 · answer #8 · answered by twisted_charmer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problems like that can only escalate if not dealt with. Suggest he goes for anger management classes. If he doesn't think he has a problem, then you should consider the option of leaving him. Try giving him an ultimatum maybe like, "If you ever do anything like that again, I'm outta here!"
2006-11-06 12:47:08 · answer #9 · answered by salstick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all do things we don't intend to do when we are angry. You've been together for ten years, you know if he is honest, you know when he is truely sorry. Only you can answer that question. If you decide to stay, don't ever bring it up again. If you bring it up, it'll cause more issues. It will seperate you two apart amoung other things. I am not saying you shouldn't talk with you. You should. I am saying after you talk and you decide to stay, leave it alone. Burry it and don't drag it out everytime.
2006-11-06 12:46:29 · answer #10 · answered by trustnoone_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋