I need advice one what I should do. My husband was being verbally abusive and I tried to get him to get help. He resisted. After 3 months of trying hard, I detached myself emotionally and began looking for attention from other guys, Then got drunk and actually kissed a guy I went to high school with. My husband, put some spy program on the computer and found out eveything that I did. It all came to a head last Wed. when I found out that he consulted an attorney. He moved out yesterday and has said that if he stayed with me at this point it would be because of our child. Yet, he struggled moving out and I've never seen so many tears in his eyes. He was insistent on filing and now he's holding back. We go to counsleing this week. Is there hope for us? How do I act to try and win him back. Give him space or remind him constantly of how I feel? HELP!!!!!
2006-11-06 12:12:15 · 18 answers · asked by Marcie E 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go thru with the counseling together and let him know how u feel during the sessions.
2006-11-06 12:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems obvious that your husband doesn't want this relationship to end, but feels there is no other alternative as he has been deeply wounded by your behaviour. Arrange a quiet meeting together, with no interuptions, and tell him everything you have said here. Explain that you were offended by his abusiveness and that he wasn't prepared to get help and you were then easily seduced by attention from someone else. Tell him it is him that you want the attention from and you are sorry for what happened and would like to work on your relationship. Ask him what he needs and tell him what you need from him and see if he is willing to try make it work. If not, then maybe it's best to just move on, however hard that may be. Good luck!
2006-11-06 20:19:30 · answer #2 · answered by salstick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like both of you have issues to work through. If he's verbally abusive and you're looking elsewhere for attention......even though your husband is abusive, it's still up to you on how you react to a situation. Kissing another man and chatting with other men online is still a form of unfaithfulness. Even if it's not physically cheating and sex, it's emotionally cheating.
You both need to take ownership for the troubles that are in your marriage. I would concel you not to stay together only for your child though. THat can be just as damaging to your child by staying together in a loveless marriage. You don't want your child to feel like they are at fault for anything.
Good luck to you, I know it can be hard. I was in an abusive first marriage and although it broke my heart when our marriage ended, it was for the best. Search your heart, you'll know what to do.
2006-11-06 20:18:05 · answer #3 · answered by C J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie - I understand - believe me I do because Im kinda in the same situation, just thank god not married. Until your husband can address that he has a problem by abusing you (verbally, physically, emotionally - its all wrong) there isnt much chance for your relationship. I understand why you cheated. Even though its not right, I understand. If you had a good relationship with a man who was supportive and loving - you wouldnt have cheated. You cant go back to an abusive relationship. Have more love for yourself than that. . . .
2006-11-06 23:16:56 · answer #4 · answered by theotherwoman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only your husband can answer if he will forgive you.
I believe that the marriage can be restored. It sounds like you both have part to blame (that usually is the way - always)
Counselling is a great step.
My suggestion is that you say your sorry for what your part is.
Do not throw in his face his wrongs.
I would not suggest constantly telling him how you feel because it will sound mechanical.
Actions speak louder than words, be accountable, show him that there is no one else, that he is the only one you want.
That you made a big mistake. Show your true feelings every time you see him (not necissarily in words). If he wants time with the child, let him and in the brief moments you see him, be constant that you love him with your deeds.
This is a real tough one, I really hope you guys work it out.
2006-11-06 20:32:00 · answer #5 · answered by Abbasangel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this wont be easy,,ive found myself in this situation..this must of hurt him real bad..but the only thing that can answer your question is time..he needs time and space to think..but your relationship will never be the same....only time will heal his wounds.and jsut try and put yourself in his shoes,,what would you have done..? how would you react? I personally gave my myself time to forgive my husband for almost cheating..but since then our trust went out the door..and our relationship is better now because we are wroking on our problems and the reasons as to why and what drove him away ..this is not an easy task because both of you must be willijng to work things out..and get over it..good luck.
2006-11-06 20:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by sinful vampyra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kissing isn't cheating, and neither is talking. Maybe your husband wants to make you feel sorry for him, and is teaching you a lesson.
When you look at it from your point of view, it's half his fault. He put you in a position where your only choice was to seek comfort from strangers on the internet. And he was verbally abusive to you. He also was spying on you, even if you are married you are still entitled to your privacy.
Hopefully he will come around, and the two of you can start over.
2006-11-06 20:20:31 · answer #7 · answered by Manx 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You will have to ask your husband this question. Every husband is not the same. Some are jealous, some do not forget, some are mean as hail, some can forgive, but like I said every man or woman is not the same.
2006-11-06 20:15:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be accountable for what u did,know that it will take him time to get through this, if he had tears in his eyes, he doesn't want this to happen, but he needs to feel safe in the relationship. show by your actions that u are sincere in what u say. go to the counciling, do what the counciler says to do, and communicate more with your hubby,right now he is feeling devalued,he has no faith in you, and feels he can't trust u, it will take time to get him back to where he can trust his heart to u. u did a very wrong thing, but hopefully it looks as if he is willing to go to counciling, and that shows he still loves u.
2006-11-06 20:34:42 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kissing is not as bad as giving it up while married. He should understand why you did these things because he was abusing you. I do not believe in abuse is any sort of way. Granted y, your wrong but I think you deserve someone better.
2006-11-06 20:16:39 · answer #10 · answered by DHWJulie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋